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I haven't been on here for a couple reasons. My internet is turned off......but the bigger reason is, my little sister Cristi died of a heroin overdose.
She was recovering, and hadn't been doing it for about 3 months.....but on the 25th of September she got a check for an insurance overpayment.....borrowed my Mom's car and went and got her fix......she bought approximately $100 dollars worth of heroin, and apparently tried to do her "usual dose", but her doctor said, since she'd been off of it so long, that would have been too much.
She borrowed Mom's car and went and got the stuff then went and picked up my Mom at Noon, and went home......sometime between noon and 4pm she shot up, and it was too much and she died.
Her daughters came home from school @ 4 pm and found her (they are 14 and 11). She had locked herself in the bathroom and the 14 year old thought she wasn't home, and didn't know why the bathroom door was locked, but she needed to use it, so she got a screw driver and unlocked the door, and tried to push it open and saw her Mom was passed out in there and she couldn't get the door open. They called 911 and they ran to get a neighbor to help them get into the bathroom. The neighbor squeezed through the door and moved her enough to get the bathroom door open.
Then my younger niece Madison called my Mom hysterically screaming that her Mom was sick and the ambulance took her to the hospital.
My Mom didn't know who it was....thought it was my daughter....so they drove over to my place....I wasn't home, I was out on errands.......so my Mom didn't go over to Cristi's house.....those kids were all alone, their Dad was at work......the kids were alone for about an hour.
Then I found out the my baby sister had died. I'm so very very sad. I tried so hard to help her, and I wonder what I could have done differently.
I haven't been able to post before now.....it's just too painful, and I am in serious mourning.
She was a heroin addict.......but she'll always be my sweet little sister, she couldn't help herself, it had taken control of her life.
So she died......needle in her arm, vomiting, head on the toilet, in her house, for her kids to find.
I'm so sad, I haven't stopped crying.....and it's everything I can do to type this through my tears.
I love her so much.........I will always love her.
Aside from her addiction, she was the sweetest, most gentle person. She just couldn't beat this.
I wonder sometime if I should have been more specific in my prayers for her. I prayed that she would "Stop doing heroin".......and she has stopped.......but this wasn't what I wanted.
I remember hearing Mortar say, that when we pray from someone, we leave it up to God, because if it meant our spouse would have to be in a wheelchair to finally get it....would we let that happen?? So I guess maybe this was the only way she would ever be able to stop.
I miss her more than you could ever know.........I don't know when the sadness and mourning will lessen, but for now I'm really messed up.
God Bless,
-Caren
Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.
BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,823
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Extra added bonus, I had to miss a lot of work during this time, so now I am going to have to struggle to make the rent.....etc.
I'm back at work now, but not functioning very well.
My thoughts are so disconnected..........
God Bless,
-Caren
Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.
BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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Joined: Jul 2004
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{{{caren}}}
I am so sorry. BTW, there really was nothing you could do. Give yourself that little break ok? How are your nieces doing?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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((((((((((((CarenMc))))))))))))
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Joined: Jun 2005
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CarenMc, I am so sorry for your loss. Your little sister knew you loved her. I know this is a very difficult time for you. Take care of you.
Zorro94
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Oh Caren, this is horrible. I know you and I had shared some before about our drug addicted siblings- it's my brother that's a homeless drug addict.
I am soooooo very very very sorry. I do not even know what to say. I'll send a prayer up for her children and for you. Bless your heart. It just keeps raining and pouring.
I'm praying for some positive things to start raining down on your life.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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So sorry about your sister, Caren. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm so sorry to see you back here in these sad circumstances. What a terrible waste. TT
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand the pain. Please take care of yourself, and give those little girls all that you can; they need you now more than ever.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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I'm so sorry, Caren.
I wish there was something I could do for you.
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{{{{Caren}}}} I, too, am terribly sorry for the loss of your little sister. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. And for pre-teen teen girls to lose their mom, that is just horrible. Life can be so unfair.
I know it's hard to keep being strong with all that life has handed you, but I think maybe your nieces need you... and maybe you can all draw comfort from one another.
But I really don't know what to say except that I'm sorry.
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I'm so very sorry to hear this sad news, Caren.
For it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."
Ephesians 5:14
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Caren, I am sorry. I lost a brother to an OD at age 26. It takes a long time to get through.
Chrysalis
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I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through. My prayers are with you and your family.
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I am very sorry for your loss Caren.....
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I'm so sorry.................. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> bb
Me-46yo + Husband-49yo
Met 1975/ Married 1980
H had 3 month affair/D-d January 2001
Grandparents since Dec.2005
Recovered and moving on and we're looking forward to the years ahead!
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I wonder what I could have done differently. Nothing honey. This was HER story, not yours. The only story you have control over is your own. It doesn't make it hurt less...but do not take her pain as yours. You CANNOT own it. It is impossible. Ache, grieve, love. There are your girls and hers that need you to be a role model in grace for them. You ARE strong enough for this. All my love, Kimmy
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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I had just finished talking with my 19 yo son about addiction and how awful it was to bury a friend last thursday due to addiction when I saw this. I am so very sorry for your loss!
Our friend was a week and a half shy of his 46th B-day when he died. He was alone too. He had buried his own mother the day he died from too much alcohol.
Caren, at his funeral his family said what you did. He had his problems and struggles, but he was our brother, son, dad. And we loved him.
Please don't be too hard on yourself. You couldn't have done anything that would have changed this. If you could, I'm sure you would have done it a long time ago and not let it (the addiction) get this far. But that wasn't in your control.
Please take care of yourself. If you need help, make sure you get it. You are worth it.
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Hang in there. Take care your self first.
-rh-
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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Don't have any words that will help really........ but I care.
Wish we could help take away the pain. Hope you'll do Ok these next few days.
SS
I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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