Well, WH was served with LS papers today.

My friend had been looking for him since Tuesday, and called him this am to "deliver" a package. Spoke to WH at 10:45am. WH called my cell at 10:50. I did not answer...PlanB! He left a message to call him. My friend then called me to let me know he had spoken to him and that WH was supposed to call him back to set a time to meet.

WH then called my work and asked for me. My friend/co-worker (who knows all that is happening) said that I was unavailable. WH was flustered and she asked if he wanted to leave a message. He said " I've left 2 messages for her and she's not returning my calls." She said he sounded very on edge. She then called him back to say he should read the letter I sent him, that he would understand what is going on if he read the letter. He asked if I was serving him divorce papers, why I didn't call him myself to tell him, etc. Then says, "I have this guy calling me at 5 in the morning...for all I know it could be a hit man!"

LOL, really a hit man. How far out of reality is this man!!!!!

Then my friend who is serving him calls me back and says he has called and set a place to meet to get his package. Then WH calls him back 10 minutes later to ask what this is concerning. Friend tells him he doesn't know, he is just delivery man. WH then asks if it is regarding his car, because "I already took care of that with the bank" So, now I know he isn't even keeping that payment current! His life seems to be slipping away from him and he doesn't even care!

Friend then calls and says it's done. No other info than that. WH has not tried to call again...I don't know if he will try to get to the letter to read it and be respectful of that or what. My friend at work said he sounded distressed and a little jittery. I don't know what is coming next, but I feel slightly relieved that all this is done now and the fallout can happen as it will.

Will keep you posted if anything else comes out of today. I almost don't want to be at home tonight in case he comes by. But he probably won't. He is not very confrontational and definitely not violent, so I shouldn't have anything to be worried about.

Thank you in advance for your prayers!!! IHC

Wow .... what a day for you.
I'm glad it's over for you, and you can settle in to Plan B. How are you feeling? Doing alright today?

This is his chance to realize how bad off he really is without you, and that the OW can't even begin to fill the gaps you left. In fact, I think she's *making* more gaps by sucking the money out of him.

"His life seems to be slipping away from him and he doesn't even care!"
That's where the junkie analogy comes in. That's how powerful the drug is. Just like a junkie who's about to end up on the street. They see their lives disintegrating, and they care, but they don't see a way out of it, they just look for the next fix. They have to hit bottom to realize that the next fix really isn't worth it. It sounds like he's already starting to scrape the bottom a little bit, if he can't make his car payments, can't support his kids, can't even support himself -- a grown man living with mom and dad. He's going to realize that all that he used to have and be able to do is going down OW's drain, and that will start to get old pretty fast.

Do you have a court date set that will mandate the child support and spousal support (hoping that you asked for spousal support)? Or do you think he will just agree and sign the paperwork you sent? Did it include a visitation schedule?

Hang in there. Keep loving on those little ones.

-AmI.

AmI,
How are you feeling? Doing alright today?
I actually feel some relief. WH did not try to contact me again yesterday, which I was really thankful for. I wasn't sure what to expect. I am not sure if there will still be issues coming up, but I feel great that the deed is done, so to speak...no more anticipation of the reaction.

Do you have a court date set that will mandate the child support and spousal support (hoping that you asked for spousal support)? Or do you think he will just agree and sign the paperwork you sent? Did it include a visitation schedule?

We go to mediation on Jan 4...for custody issues. Then court is set for Jan 24. I asked for everything...CS and spousal. It is about 550.00 more than what he "wanted" to give me. So , it is worth it to go through this to get it. Also, I am going to ask for wage garnishment, so that he can't flake on me. It would be too easy, as it has in the past, for something to "come up".

In the visitation part I asked for him to get e.o.w. from 5pm Fri til 8:30 am Sun ( he had agreed to dropping them at church if he took them on weekends). So, it is less than what he wants, but is about 10 times as much as what he has currently been spending with them on a monthly basis. So, I think the mediator will go along with what I want, but I definitely need to pray for favor in that area. If the mediator wanted to reduce that time, I wouldn't be opposed to that either.

Later yesterday, I talked to the friend who served him and he said that OW was with WH at the meeting place. I guess she transferred out to another store in our town. It is clear across town. I don't know if she initiated it or if it was done for her. I think she was getting a lot of drama at work about this situation. Either that or she was scared of me...which could be the case (completely without cause though). And would explain why WH thought a "hit man" was after him. When my friend served him, he really thought it could be a repo man taking his truck. Then when he was given the envelope of papers, he said "this isn't antrax or something is it?"

When my frien first arrived at the meeting place, my friend called WH and asked him where he was. Friend replied, I am in the truck parked directly in front of your truck. WH responded " That's not my truck" Friend, "really? The plates match your plates." (WH had also backed into the parking space, I think in an effort to make it more difficult to tow his truck) WH then states he'll be right out. WH then goes out to meet him and makes the anthrax comments!

OK, now I know I am upset, but this is so far out of the realm of possibility....I can only think she is paranoid and is dragging him into it right along with her. If she considered me saying "uh No" harrassment, then who knows how crazy she is! My H is a pretty smart man, but I think she must twist his thinking about who I am. I would never in a million years do anything even remotely like what he implied. (Now, I have prayed for God to do it for me...you know life insurance LOL!!!!!!! Just kidding!)

I have never even really expressed how angry I am at him, so how he would jump to the "murder" thought is beyond me. It just goes to show how deep in the fog he is!!!

I think the absurdity of his responses to my friend have helped ease some of my tension regarding the whole process. It has added an element of humor for me and that is truly my escape from all this!

Anyone else ever have such a wild response? I'd really like to hear other war stories!

Read my last post to SIS...

My H..when he was wayward..acted NUTS 90% of the time....

I'm sorry, IN, I was sitting here laughing out loud at your husband...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

I'm sorry, IN, I was sitting here laughing out loud at your husband...

That is exactly what I have been doing too. The more I think about it, the funnier it gets...it is so far out there!!!

I can't imagine how scary his world must be...ya know with the fear of imminent death and all!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Do you think we should contact the CIA????

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

he seems to be equally fearing death and repo's.

hehehehe.

Mimi and Lexxy

ROFLMBO!!!!

The clouds have parted for a short while and the sun is shining on me!!! Laughter is good medicine!

Still no calls from WH. But, he did call both my intermediaries yesterday. The first one was on vacation so WH didn't burden him with details about what he was caling for. Just said something to the fact that I was not speaking to him anymore...

Second friends call was different. WH went to take his name off our joint checking acct. and discovered that it had to be closed to do that. Thank God he didn't close it and take the money, which he could have done (AND THREATENED TO DO IF I DID NOT CLOSE THE ACCT TODAY).
Told my friend that I needed to do that today and that he didn't because he thought I should get that money...which is mine. I don't get it...WH has not used this acct except to deposit CS monies. Now he wants his name off immediately. It serves no purpose for him. I on the other hand should have done it a long time ago...just been putting it off in hopes that it wouldn't have to be done. WH has been so irresponsible with his bills, it actually will protect me.

Is this just normal lash out stuff?

It isn't a huge deal, but there are multiple companies that do auto drafts for bills and I will have to contact all of them to get the acct stuff changed, which is a pain, but doable. WH gains nothing from this action. Again...reality not a real big influencer of WH at this time.

I am sure I should expect more stuff like this, but there really isn't anything else that we have together. I had mistakenly thought when the first friend called that WH was being so respectful and not contacting me like I asked. Then, the next call...but he was still respectful in that he didn't steal what was mine from the acct.

Please help me remember that this is normal stuff for a Plan B start. I know it could be a lot worse.

We have mediation next Thursday...my 2 older kids have to go to it with me. The mediator gets the say in how much visitation WH gets. I was fair in what I asked for, and won't be upset with minor changes to it, but I am nervous none the less.

Just looking for some encouragement...I am stressed a little, even though I am armed with letter bombs and anthrax, and have a hit man at my beck and call!

Don't forget the repo tow-truck guy that you also have on speed dial .... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I have no clue in Plan B territory ... so I'll defer to Mimi and Lex and others as far as what to do there. It does sound good that he didn't steal the money and that he's going through your intermediaries instead of trying to get straight to you. That seems like a decent start.

I'd be a little cautious about the bank thing, though. Now that you have filed, isn't there an automatic restraining order preventing either of you from taking off with money, closing accounts, etc.? That's automatic here, but maybe it's only with a D, and not with a LS. I'm not sure. Either way, cover all your bases and don't let him push you around. If there is an automatic order, I can imagine him turning that around and using it against you at mediation, or in court .... "Look, she cleaned out our account -- closed it and stole all the money!"


Don't pin too much hope on the mediator. If your WH just decides not to agree, then the mediator can't make him. He could end up pushing this all the way to court -- which would stink for all of you! Why do you have to take the kids to the mediation? How do they feel about it?

I think it would be funny if you could get away with dropping little hints about elaborate murder plots during the mediation .... Look at the window a few times and nod, then move the chair over a little and say "Why don'tyou take THIS seat, WH...?" "No, you can't use this pen, it's my SPECIAL one..." (then open it up and look inside to be sure all the poising darts are still in place. Point it at him funny a few times, like you're trying to get the aim just right). "Here, have a drink ... THIS cup is YOURS." "Wow, that truck they were towing away on my way in really looked just like yours...."

Might be fun to mess with him that way, but I guess it's probably not the best Plan B advice. It would probably be more in-line with Plan B to get there early and ask the mediator to keep you in separate rooms so you don't have to see him face-to-face.

Hang in there .... I think you're doing great.

-AmI.

AmI,

I looked through the orders and it didn't specifically say anything about the bank acct. However, the teller I used today and the one that my WH spoke to are now very aware of the sitch and I think I would be covered that it was a mutual decision. The teller that spoke to him yesterday remembered him and that he wanted his name off...she even placed a block on my ATM card. So, I was there for an hour trying to get a new acct. started and there are 3 people now that kind of know the sitch and could testify to that effect if need be.

WH could be a pill with mediator. But, it is against him that he has only spent 40 hours with the kids in the last 6 months...all documented in my handy little calendar. So, the visitation I have offered surpasses what he has done on his own. I guess the kids have to be there to talk to the mediator so he/she can ask them questions...get a feel for what they want. My friend said that is what happened with her case. Said that they talk to each spouse separately then the kids and then make their recommendation after that.

I joked considerably yesterday with friends about having random men call my WH and ask to met him somewhere private...LOL.

What's even dumber...the supposed "hit man" left a phone number to have his call returned...cause you know hit men like to leave a trail...

I don't know why the acct thing freaked me out. It really isn't that big of a deal...something that needed to be done anyway.

Do WS's really usually "get" the PBL when they receive it? All of my friends have cried when they read it because it is so deep and heartfelt, but how does a WS feel when they read it? Just curious...anyone got input on that...Marsh?

I can't read your thread without laughing..

I promise you..maybe later..I will come back and be serious...

My H had the same sort of paranoia.."Do you think someone is following me?" (LOL)...

It's the DEVIL that is after him..trying to take him straight to He//... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The thing is that the OW is doing a poor job of keeping him happy, isn't she?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

mimi,

I am glad to have provided some humor. I am glad to have had it myself. I am considering a name change...maybe Anthraxqueen, letterbomblady, hitmanhookup...I don't know...just a thougt!


On another note...
I just found out from a co-worker (who found out from her cousin, who works with my WH) that WH has been very quiet on the job lately. Not talkative and joking like he normally does.

He has looked "old" the last few times I saw him...like life has been very unkind to him...which I hope it has.

It is so hard not knowing what is going through his mind. I wish I knew more how he was feeling about me, our kids... I think I am also hurt that he is hurting...but happy about that at the same time??? That sounds so horrible! But just being honest!

IHC

Well, mediation is tomorrow...it'll be the first break in plan B. But, I don't have to actually speak to him, just be at the same place at the same time. I should only have one more date after that...Jan 24th.

Any suggestions on how best to approach this, since I really want to be Plan B all the way? I also don't want to appear lame by ignoring him completely...I guess I just don't know how I should proceed.

Mediation went really well on Thursday. WH basically gave me everything I wanted. Didn't even keep the EOW part of visitation...just let it stay the way it is right now...calling when he wants to see them. Same for all b-days and holidays.

I was expecting him to be fighting for more than I offered and he didn't even take what I offered. I know it would be really inconvenient for him to have to spend 2 weekends a month away from OW. Priorities...shame he doesn't have them anymore...except for her. I'll write more later...I've got to go...but there is more to report re: PBL!

In mediation, my WH was trying to get out of the no contact I requested in PBL. He was wanting mediator to make me take calls from him or communicate through e-mail...then when I explained that the intermediaries were trustworthy people, who would not miscommunicate information and that I had requested that so that I could provide myself with some distance, WH says " i"ll just concede to her and e-mail her friends."

Why he would care is a mystery to me. What difference does it make for him...he doesn't want me around anyway!

Also, since he was served, he has given me no money. I am thinking that I may file my taxes separately from him in order to get cash sooner. Also, I have requested tax info from him repeatedly and he hasn't complied. So, I figure I'll claim the kids and let him claim all the rental property expenses and all his work expenses, etc. I think this will make him very angry, but I can't wait for him to start thinking clearly enough to get this info together. I suspect his delay is because he hasn't actually spent all the money he claims he spent on the duplex. I on the other hand have spent almost as much on it as he did...and I need to pay that off.

I am liking the serenity of my Plan B. I know it just started, but even the knowledge that he is not going to call relieves so much of the anxiety I have had these last 6 months. I am looking forward to finding even more peace now that I can. I am so thankful for this "physical" change that will help with my emotional and spiritual health!

I am actually more confident now that God is going to restore my marriage...it's just a waiting process. I am being challenged to literally let it go and stop worrying about it. That is a hard place to find, because I am still praying for my H to be restored to fellowship with God, but trying to not be in emotional knots about it. I know I can find that balance, but I am still struggling with that right now. That is what my Plan B is for though, right?

Oh, wow, I haven't been around much and missed your updates.

Glad that mediation went well, except it's sad that he's such a turkey about not seeing the kids. I wish courts could mandate visitation sometimes. It's so sad -- there are people who go to court to FIGHT to see their kids EOW, and here he is thinking it's too inconvenient. Yuck.

You sound like you're holding up alright ... apparently better than him, if he's falling apart the way he's been described. But now, do the part of Plan B that is for YOU ... which is NOT hearing about him, not focusing on him or wondering about him or getting gossip about him ... I think that's the part that helps save your sanity, and helps you stay dark.

Mimi has posted that her H would look at the PBL letter often, and I think even kept it somewhere like his wallet or something (she will have to give the correct version). So I'm not sure that they "get" it right when they recieve it, but the stories around here sure sound like they eventually do get it, and keep going back and going back until they "get" it a lot .....

-AmI.

I'm way too slow sometimes .... hadn't read your second post about mediation.

Very interesting that he wants to be able to have direct communication with you! How did he explain that to the mediator?? Maybe he thinks the intermediaries are also out to get him .... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

He needs to get back to paying support! Was there an agreement on that in the mediation? What's your next step -- since he agreed to everything, now it shouldn't take long to get before a judge for a final stamp, right? Need that final order in place so you can start enforcing the support payments.

There's a tax attorney on the boards -- Mr. Wondering. You might be able to get his advice on the tax sitch -- change the subject line of your first post to call out to him for that advice. I think it would be a good idea to have some professional advice on the tax issue.

You really do sound great. Did you read Mortarman's thread? His WW was a MESS, and they had some ugly court battles .... and now she's finally starting to get it. Pretty inspiring stuff!

-AmI.

AmI,
But now, do the part of Plan B that is for YOU ... which is NOT hearing about him, not focusing on him or wondering about him or getting gossip about him ... I think that's the part that helps save your sanity, and helps you stay dark.

That is going to be the hard part...mastering my thought life. I definitely have had too much "free" time over the holidays to think way too much! I am hoping that the normal busyness of day to day with the kids can ease some of my mind wanderings!

Glad that mediation went well, except it's sad that he's such a turkey about not seeing the kids.

That is what I thought too...and I actually was kind of looking forward to having some down time each month. I love my kids so I am not too disappointed, but it could have been nice...difficult at first I am sure but relaxing as well.

AmI,

He needs to get back to paying support! Was there an agreement on that in the mediation?

NO, that is decided by the judge on the 24th of this month. I think he actually shot himself in the foot on that one because of not committing to taking the kids EOW. Now they may go on what the time he has been taking them, which sad to say averages out to 6hrs 40 min. each month since he has been gone! That is 1% of the month time spent with his kids. My original estimates for child support were based on him having them 20% of the time.

There's a tax attorney on the boards -- Mr. Wondering. You might be able to get his advice on the tax sitch -- change the subject line of your first post to call out to him for that advice. I think it would be a good idea to have some professional advice on the tax issue.

I can't change my title anymore! Maybe I will start another one - for Plan B. But I will put a post out there to him and see what he says. I was going to make sure it couldn't come back and bite me in the butt before I did it anyway, so it's nice to know someone here may be able to help me with that one. Thanks!

Did you read Mortarman's thread? His WW was a MESS, and they had some ugly court battles .... and now she's finally starting to get it. Pretty inspiring stuff!

I have been reading it...I had read a lot of his stuff to Mimi when she was going through her "journey" and he has a lot of wisdom on the subject. I was so excited to see his recent posts! It really encouraged me that God is so in control!!!! And I am happy for him that he is still in the place to be able to forgive. That is truly a gift from God like he says. You cannot do that in your own strength!

BTW, I haven't seen much from you on your sitch...are things still going in the right direction? I have looked for recent posts to your thread without any success, but may have just missed them. Please let me know.

IHC