Right. You shouldn't.

As someone on here said: why should you have to tell him what he already knows?

I agree with others: time for talk is over. And I like the idea of having all your ducks in a row so you can't back out or back down.

I've been through this too -- but not with the high dosage of radiation that you have.

What specific questions should I ask the attorney? WH is the sole financial support of the family (such that it is). His job keeps him out of state except for weekends, so it's not like WH has to "move" out; I can simply (?) tell him he is not welcome here on weekends. In what time frame should I plan to have everything together and put plan in motion? My therapist asked me this week if I was willing to go through all steps leading to divorce and still reconcile with WH. At this point I don't know. Is that something I need to know right now? From my reading this week, I clearly am a codependent/coaddict, and I know it will require time and effort to work through that. It's Wednesday, and I usually do pretty well emotionally on Wednesdays.... not a bundle of nerves from the previous weekend, and not yet in a panic over the coming weekend! Well that's my morning ramble..... really, if anyone can suggest an outline of questions/concerns for attorney meeting, that would be great. Did I ever mention that BH has nude photos of HIS attorney?! (from when HE was supposedly going to leave me.... whatever.)

((((juniperstreet))))

I just wanted to say I think you’re doing a good job here: facing your own issues and considering the right thing for your family in spite of your fears. I think your observations that you’ve been committed to being married as opposed to committed to your marriage is brilliant.

Anyway, others have more experience with this than I do, but I thought I’d offer you a few things to throw at your attorney:

I want a separation wherein the children in I stay in our home and my husband leaves. Let’s walk through how we make that happen.

What do I need to do to protect my assets and my ability to care for my children while separated (consider home, utilities, car, food, etc.)?

What do I need to do to get financial support for my children during our separation?

What are the arguments for/against filing for legal separation as opposed to simply filing for divorce?

There is overwhelming evidence that my husband is a sex addict and I want to protect my children from that. What are my rights and what steps should I take?

How long can I reasonably expect to stay home with the children before I must get a job outside the home?

What sort of documentation should I be collecting? This applies to financial matters, property, parenting, and the sex addiction.

As far as this goes:
I don’t think you need to know whether or not you’d be willing to reconcile at this point. It sounds to me like you haven’t closed the door (assuming tons of conditions are met and you both have worked through your issues), but you can’t commit to it either. Sounds completely reasonable to me.

good advice from Curious.
I would probably also suggest that you try to get photo copies of any papers you may have that are related to finances now, while you still can. Once your WH finds out that you are looking into possibly filing for a D, he will most likely take any files, folders, anything money related out of the house.
It sounds like he probably has most of his personal stuff with him, at the other place, but if there is anything - bank statements, pay stubs, 401K statements, insurance policy information, creidt card statements, anything like that now, get photo copies NOW, and keep them somewhere else.
Do you have a close friend or family member that could keep this stuff for you? I photo copied as much as I could, and put it in a shoe box, and kept it at my sisiters.
It just makes it a lot easier for your attorney to get the full picture right up front that way.

How many kids do you have?
How old are they?

How are bills actually paid at your house - does he write the checks? or do you? I would suggest that you make sure all your bills are paid up for the month before you give him any plan B letter, or tell him your plans. That way, at least you will know where you stand for that first month.

Finances will be a huge obstacle in my situation. I work part-time, but since WH has been working out of state (nearly 3 years), it has been seemingly impossible to go full-time, although I am sure others have done it and done it well. Two years ago, we had a financial crisis and WH blamed me for everything, and he opened accounts in his name only. The joint account was eventually closed. WH gives me cash each pay period and I am expected to use that for daily expenses as well as several bills (utilities). I do not have a credit card, he refuses to let me sign on his accounts, so everything I do is on a cash basis. I do not have power of attorney for him (he is required to have a POA in his job); he had someone else sign for that. I'm just disgusted with the whole thing. Tired of being blamed for his problems and mistakes. For awhile, it's been easy enough to just hang on, as long as he is providing for us financially and I don't make an "issue" out of his conduct. Most of the financial papers are here, so I can easily gather them and get copies. I have evidence of another account he opened out of state, but have not been able to gain access to the account information. I only know that it exists. I am hoping that the attorney will be able to advise me about the money situation. .... hangin' in there...

JS,

I saw in one of your previous posts talking about Plan B and dumping it all at once on WH...

Since you're not doing Plan A...you're really not doing Plan B, are you? Seems to me you're going straight to Plan D...

I'm not judging your choices...I just wanted to clarify what plan you really have going...clarity is very difficult to achieve in times of stress; nonetheless critically important in choosing your life.

LA

"clarity is very difficult to achieve in times of stress."

NO DOUBT! Thank you for pointing that out. I am in such a fog myself these days, I don't even think I know which way is up. OK, so skipping Plan A on the advice of others, how exactly would I pull off a Plan B? WH will no doubt interpret that as a call to arms. Maybe what I am really doing is getting everything in order before I implement Plan B? I think I have security issues, and fear of the unknown as I have said before. I need to know what to expect before I act. In our situation, WH has no accountability. We've been there done that over the past 6 years. Do you (LA) see any way that Plan B is feasible? Or is it in everyone's best interest to move forward with Plan D? WH refuses to seek help with his sex addiction, and that would certainly be part of Plan B, so what's the use?