I will follow this post but not post on it because his views and even some of the things he says are so similar to my husband's. This poster admits to having no respect for his wife. He spends little or no time alone with her. He says he's there for the kids only. What is it like to live with a person, day in and day out, who works out of the home, whose attitude toward you might be summarized as contemptuous?
Respectful

I want to add something from Love Must be Tough, p. 161. Substitute male for female.

"I have seen marital relationships where the woman deliberately "baited" her husband until he hit her. This is not true in most cases of domestic violence, but it does occur. Why, one may ask, would any woman want to be hit? Because females are just as capable of hatred and anger as males, and a woman can devastate a man by enticing him to strike her. It is a potent weapon. Once he has lost control and lashed out at his tormentor, she then sports undeniable evidence of his cruelty. She can show her wounds to her friends who gasp at the viciousness of that man. She can press charges against him in some cases and have him thrown in jail. She can embarass him at his work or in his church. In short, by taking a beating, she instantly achieves a moral advantage in the eyes of neighbors, friends, and the law. It may even help her justify a divorce, or if one comes, to gain custody of her children. Remember what the Jamapese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor did to American morale and unity? It solidified our forces and gave us a cause worth fighting for. There are those who believe President Roosevelt ignored warnings of the Pearl Harbor invasion for the precise purpose of unifying our resolve against a rising Japenese imperialism. In that same spirit, I have seen women belittle and berate their husbands until they set them aflame with rage. Some wives are more verbal than their husbands and can win a war of words any day of the week. Finally, the men reach a point of such frustration that they explode, doing precisely what their wives were begging them to do in the first place.

I remember one woman who came to church with a huge black eye contributed by her husband. She walked to the front of the auditorium before a crowd of five hundred people and made a routine announcement about an upcoming event. Everyone in attendance was thinking about her eye and the cad who did this to her. That was precisely what she wanted.. I happen to know that her noncommunicative husband had been verbally antagonized by his wife until he finally gave her the prize she sought. Then she brought it to church to show it off. It does happen."

It happened to me. I became enraged when he's say things like "She's calling me, and it would be rude of me to hang up"...and "You would betray my trust if you called her husband (about her proposition, her calling him, her telling him she felt passion for him, etc) He broke my arm and then went to her and she comforted him.

This is why I reacted to the post above. Is this guy sincerely seeking a better marriage? Is he seeking justification for disrespect and thoughtlessness? Looking back, it should have been obvious to me that I was being provoked. But it wasn't. I felt terrible about how I behaved.

Last night, I asked our kids what has been their best and worst memories. My 12 year old and 10 year old both said the night I found out Dad had been having an affair -- 5 years ago. How sad. My saddest memory growing up was my older brother going to college.

Respectful