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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 75
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 75 |
Quick update...
He came to his parents house with us for the weekend (2 weeks ago). He has been in treatment, and back home with us since then. He has had no contact that I know of until today. He sent her an email asking how she was doing, and if she didn't want him to contact her to let him know. Do I confront him and tell him I know? Or do I keep monitoring via keylogger? I don't want the contact to go any further, obviously, but I don't know if now is the right time. He had a bad night on Tuesday night after his treatment (outpatient for alcoholism) and said that he didn't want to go back to the program he's in now. He went tonight, and I confirmed that he was there (drove by). I'm so scared. Help!
BS me 32
WS him 31
Married 9 yrs
2 kids
D-day #1 04/20/05 (PA- 6 weeks)
D-day #2 09/07/06 (PA- ongoing)
WH moved in with OW (single, 25) 9/11/06
Exposed to OWF 10/29/06
(W)H moved home 10/30/06
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 75
Member
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OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 75 |
BS me 32
WS him 31
Married 9 yrs
2 kids
D-day #1 04/20/05 (PA- 6 weeks)
D-day #2 09/07/06 (PA- ongoing)
WH moved in with OW (single, 25) 9/11/06
Exposed to OWF 10/29/06
(W)H moved home 10/30/06
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
I would go to Al-anon right away and get some help for you and the family.
Hopefully when he gets clean and sober, you can work on the relationship.
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 75
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OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 75 |
I do go to al-anon. I know he needs to be sober before we can work on anything, I just want to know whether to wait to talk to him about the contact or do so right away.
Thanks for your help believer, every little bit counts.
BS me 32
WS him 31
Married 9 yrs
2 kids
D-day #1 04/20/05 (PA- 6 weeks)
D-day #2 09/07/06 (PA- ongoing)
WH moved in with OW (single, 25) 9/11/06
Exposed to OWF 10/29/06
(W)H moved home 10/30/06
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Maybe you can put "alcoholic" in your title. I know there are several recovering here, and they will no better than I.
To me the alcohol problem needs to be solved FIRST.
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179 |
Since no one else has had an opinion yet, I'll give you about .01 worth, but free of charge. And with the disclaimer that I know next to nothing of dealing with alcoholism.
My instinct would be to let him know that you know he has been in C, and that you are not ok with it, that is hurts you very much EVERY time he communicates with her, but don't turn it into a huge deal at this point. Believer is very right that you can't really work on the marriage until the alcoholism is dealt with.
If the first addiction is dealt with and the C continues, then it is time to look at Plan B. Until then, continue to lovingly confront when you find something, and consider yourself to be in Plan A.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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