.



;P

I think all has beeen eloquently said.
The bottom line is that, given a real choice, a BS should be given the CHOICE to make Their OWN DECISION about their own health and well being.
Say what you will about Plan A and the benifits of that, but what about the health and well being of you and your children????
God Bless to all of you who have dodged the bulet, but MEDC makes a very valid point to all of us who werre not so LUCKY.!!!@!
Most of you fail to recognise this. Only because you were so lucky.

God Bless in your future,
Jerry

Agreed.



This could have happened to me. I had to go to PLAN B. Basically I was rejected AFTER THE SEX. When I went into PLAN B, I thought my marriage was over.



This is what folks that don't agree with SF with the WS don't seem to understand. I WAS WILLING TO TAKE THE RISK REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME!!!



I was willing to take that RISK.



Now you've really hit on something that you may not comprehend. I consider my H the LOVE OF MY LIFE. If he leaves me or dies, I don't expect to ever love anyone the way that I love him. If I contracted herpes, it would be my badge. I would know that it was the price I paid to help recover my marriage. JUST LIKE THE SOLDIERS COME BACK INJURED FROM THE WAR. Anyone who dates me would have to understand this about me or else. A big part of this is, like I said, I am over 50, have lived most of my life with my H and can't imagine ever loving anyone else to the depths that I love him.



This really is a worst case scenario. In my case, although my H would be gone, I would have my my alimony, health insurance, my kids, my family and friends. I think their is a low likelihood of this particilar case scenario. If a person's WS is THE ONLY PERSON in their life, well I guess it would not be worth the risk but they would be DEVASTATED anyways if the WS left.



I think that you are making an ASSUMPTION here. That has not proven to be the case in the discussion on this thread. It's probably more like 50/50. I WAS NOT RATIONALZING AND SAYING THAT THERE WERE NO RISKS. I WAS FULLY AWARE OF THE RISKS!!!



What you don't understand is that working on a PLAN to save my marriage was my remedy for not being SUICIDAL. When you consciously engage in behavior with full knowledge of the risks, it is NOT DENIAL. I also do not agree that it is suidical because WITH SUICIDE YOU WANT TO DIE. I was having SF with my H because I WANTED TO LIVE! I FELT LIKE I WAS DEAD OR DYING.

I feel like I am coming in from left field here, but I just finished reading a book by the late pope John Paul II called "Love and Responsibility". In it, he talked about the need for sexual intercourse to be a total self-giving and that meant in a relationship that was a permanent commitment in marriage and monogomous and full of tenderness. He said that a person who participated in intercourse with a spouse who is not self-giving is allowing him or herself to be degraded. He went so far as to say that another name for this is prostitution.

I didn't know my husband was having an affair but was upset about his saying she was calling him and so I threatened to call her and he broke my arm. I had sex with him with my arm in a cast. Why?

I was trying to save my marriage. I felt like a ******.

And, according to JP II, that's what I was.

There isn't just the practical consequence of possible STDs in having sex with a spouse who is not showing a commitment of care towards you. There is also the problem of spiritual degradation.

Respectful

I see your point, Respectful.

For me, though, it was the ONLY time when my H SEEMED to be SELF-GIVING and he didn't act as if it was JUST SEX. He was as loving as ever again when we were together physically. In the light of day was when he treated me bad.

Mimi,

I completely believe that this was your informed willfull choice...you are an exception though. All people that I have asked would not volunteer to die with the WS and certainly not die TRYING to recover the WS if success was not guaranteed. Out of probably hundreds of people that
I have approached the issue with you are the sole example of a person to whom the WS was literally the only thing worth living for.

You are correct though...it IS an assumption.

So lets put some evidence behind it and ask.

I'll start a new thread for just this purpose.