LOL

Yeah, you have it so rough. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />



My situation was different than yours. I never stopped having SF w/ my BH. I was a cake eater.

Have you talked to her about it? What does she say? Isn't she through W/drawals yet?



Just by hanging in there w/ her...it's gonna take time. She knows she doesn't deserve you. And that's why she believes you're gonna dump her.

Time, and patience...

~ Marsh

probably should make that my sig line......time and patience.

bob,
what was your time span before your W started to "warm up" to your love? Just curious. i know that its early days for me but i just want to have an idea of the timeframe.


Hi NC

Only meaningfully after fully 3 months of NC, that is 5.5 months after D-day. Squid started on an SF ' man reclamation' campaign on me as soon as OM finally dumped her in September and I became her only meal ticket. But by our Christmas vacation in December 2004, she was convincingly appreciative of me an very loving.

It took till March 2005 - 9 months after d-day - for her to a apologise in any heartfelt way.

I reckon a good Plan A delivered in physical proximity tothe FWS is the best indicator for a quick lovebank return. I guess I was lucky there 'cos Squid never had the chance to move in with OM.

ok.fair enough. Now how do you deal with your hurt? WW is so active in conversation w/me and the helping her with her project. She is so consumed with "other areas" in her life as if this didnt happen.

I am resenting the fact that i cant even say to her ."i am hurt, you villified me, etc."

even now that it might look like we MIGHT make it(Gods willing) i am still feeling ambivalent(sp?) towards her.

I love her bob but i cant seem to "connect" with her.

She hurt me real bad. real bad. it has been approx 4-5 months since D-day. WW didnt move in with OM either.

I dont know if its a bad thing because i want to avoid her now,at least i am currently feeling this way.

i am going back and read on resentment.

hello everyone.

Why can't you tell her that NC ? I never held back a thing from Squid. I told her respectfully, using * I * language.

What do you fear if you tell her how you really feel ?

i thought that it was part of your taker wanting to "let her know how it / i feel".

i dont know how to do this without coming across as......"because of your stupidity, i am hurting......alot"

any pointers? without scaring them back into the fog?

What are you EXPECTING the OUTCOME to be from telling her, NC?

I don't thing she's ready to HEAR you.

Don't expect to get an "I'm sorry".

I still say that you want a quick fix for your hurt.

I'm sorry, NC..but just like Loving told you...

I think it will TAKE TIME for you to finish the HEALING and GRIEVING process...

Will JOURNALING help you..writing it out?

Hi NC,

Congrats on making it this far.

You will feel ambivalent even more before this is over. It will take a while to really reach your anger and resentment.

That point will be really hard, it will come and go, sometimes from one hour to the next, but just prepare mentally that it will happen, and you won't be caught off guard and think it is over just because of how you are feeling.

Feelings are just that, feelings. You will have a lot of them, many bad, too, but they will come and go. The bad feelings get better with time.

You're doing really well here.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

mimi. i will journal here.

still got the cold front here.

mimi.you are right. i just want to fix it NOW!!!

i know i cant and i really do miss her love.

Please read the link in my sig line about the stages of grieving. U r going through that and it may help to know what's next.

The time will come when you will be able to say how hurt you are. I used to sit in my room talking to the walls when the WS or xWS did not want to talk to me. My pillow used to be my sounding board as well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I would say it softly and within earshot. When he tried to respond with vile stuff, I would tell him I needed to vent not hear vile speech. I let him know I would listen when he was ready to say something that could help me but otherwise to keep his WS crap to himself. Then I continued to vent softly. Sometimes he left he room, no matter it still helped. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I would do it periodically when I felt down.

L.

Neak!!!!!!!!!

hello girl! i am so happy to see you here! you would be surprised how often mimi said the same thing like youre saying. feelings are temporary.

i guess i am afraid of myself as well as her.

part want to shut down to protect myself yet there is a part that wants to crush her with love security and happiness..... the burning desire to wipe her emotional tears away and to hug her.

she doesnt (?) even know it.

orchid,
i think the pillow thing might work for me. i am going to read upon those stages.

Do any of you ever got your WS asking you constantly(if you remain quiet long enough or if you shake your head) what are you thinking?

this keeps happening and i want to know if this is any sign for the better?

thanks guys.

hope you all had a great thanksgiving (got none of that here).

Do you think she may want you to talk to her?

CONVERSATION NEED?

Plus, WE (women, that is) like for our Hs to TALK to us about their FEELINGS...

Which, of course, MEN do not like to do....

I say, JUST TALK..to reassure her...

Of course, keep in mind, I'm responding as a garden-variety WOMAN and not a FWW...

NC007 -

Hows it going down there??? Oh - it's 63 F here today.
M2L

it about 75 here, (probably due to overcast). How is it going with WW? hope you are taking small positive steps.

Did laundry for WW yesterday because she had exams then. She came home and fell asleep. I took care of DS and helped her get ready for work this morn.

Got a call later saying how she really appreciate me doing the laundry for her, etc.

It felt good.

just taking a step at a time. I dont want to in any way DJ her now so i am watching my resentment monster. It is lurking below my surface. Still feel vulnerable to more hurt so everytime she ask me about what i am thinking i keep talking about the future and new prospects.

How can i tell her that i am feeling hurt and have triggers now and again? still feel that it is not yet the right time.

As mimi said. "who benifits?"

NC,

Keep up with the little things, they add up.

We are doing fine I believe. Last week I took off work for 3 days and we went to the big city to shop and dine out. Very nice. I got us ticket to see a broadway show (nice) even if it isn't my kind of thing. WW told me how nice the trip was without kids. You can read more on my up date post dated today.

How can i tell her that i am feeling hurt and have triggers now and again? still feel that it is not yet the right time.

I feel the same way as you with this one. On Thanksgiving I was a little down and ww asked "why so quite?" I said that last Thanksgiving I was fat dumb and happy not knowing what was going on. She said "your not going to let that ruin your day are you?" I told her no, but it's something that just hit me. I not trying to be rude, but I have to be honest also,

M2L

yeah know what you mean.

I posted at your "porch" too.

Have a great day M2.

Did you answer my question about what you want the outcome of this to be? Why do you need to tell her?

She already knows that you are feeling hurt and that you have triggers.

She is trying to HELP you HEAL by calling to tell you THANK YOU, etc.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS... ( Have you heard this anywhere before?)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

ahhhhhhhh! now i get it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
so sorry mimi.

a am a bit daft you know

thank you .

i feel so much better.

nuff luv sis! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />