Ditto, LA....

This again indicates the CRUCIALNESS of the NC LETTER and FULL DISCLOSURE....

I completely FORGOT that this was not taken care of...else FALSE RECOVERY...BEEN THERE DONE THAT...Yes, I went through this more than once, NC....

It's SOOOO hard for them to break it off...

(((((NC)))))

Hope you come back to talk to us....

They even2ally do break it off, though.

But, nc...


...remember my FWW, and the 5 years it's taken her.

If you stay on top of this now, with exposure 2 the OMW and firmness with your W (get out if you must), then you can help her reduce that withdrawal time considerably.

-ol 2long

Just checking in NC, letting you know we are here to help.

M2L

CALL OMW !!!!

NC,

I know you are hurting now, my brother. But when you are confronted with further problems, you need to focus, not flip out. I can remember how awful I felt when I found that calling card in my WW's wallet. My heart just sunk to the floor. But you know what? That just strengthened my resolved. It reminded me to remain vigilant. You have talked to her friends, NC. You may have lost this battle, but you are winning the war. You are now the husband that she has always wanted. She is afraid that you will eventually dump her. Don't play into these fears, NC. Now is the time to step up and pull it together. Restate your boundaries. Let her know that continued contact to OM means continued A. Let her understand how much it hurts you. Let her know the only way that you will feel secure is NC whatsoever, and a NC letter. Let her know that as long as she observes these boundaries, you will not leave her. You love her and want to spend the rest of your lives together. This is just a typical bump in the road of recovery, NC. You can either regain control of the vehicle or let it crash into the ditch. The choice is yours, NC. Can you man up? You need to now more than ever. We are here for you, bud.

Just checking in on you NC. You are winning the war

M2L

M2L,

NC, doesn't post on weekends.

He only does when he's at work.

~ Marsh

just came from church and wanted to tell the gang hi!. someones computer. gotta run now. will talk to WW about boundaries tonite.

later guys.

luv u all.

Not to take away from NC and his case. If need be I'll go back to my own thread.

WW and I talked about our sitch and she said that maybe she can't give me the love I need. Then she said that she sees the changes I've made and there good then asked if I see her changes and her trying as best she can. She said that she has no reason to lie to me like in the past (during the EA) and that she hopes she doesn't come across as untrustworthy. She ened with - I still don't feel love for you M2L.

So life goes on -

M2L

Patience, young Jedi. Talking about it is just going to put more pressure on her. These feelings need to come naturally. I would suggest a romantic getaway with no R talk whatsoever, no expectations, just the two of you having fun.

If she doesn't feel anything, but wants to, have her give Dr. Harley a call. It could be as simple as fake it until you make it. Once she starts doing loving things for you, she will more likely feel love for you. But something has to get the ball rolling. Don't worry, M2L, your situation is not hopeless. Continue to reassure your wife that you two will get through this and feel love for each other again. Let her know you are not going anywhere. I feel you, things are moving WAY too slow for my taste during recovery, but give it another 6 months, and I bet you will be singing a different tune. Some recoveries take longer than others. Also, take a step back and evaluate yourself on meeting her emotional needs and avoiding love busters. You may not be doing as good of a job at that as you think, and that could be contributing to the slow improvement.

P.S. I would make sure there is NC with OM. NC's WW was having the same problem as yours and it turns out she was still getting an occasional "fix" from OM. Just a suggestion to cover all your bases.

hello guys just checking in......feeling emotionally tired and numb. Not into the preaching today of " get the NC going" i am tired really.

OM keep saying things like " i have nothing to worry about" and "nothing worth talking about"

is it that they think that they can "revert to friendship" after they come from committing adultry in the first place?

Right now i promised me DS a christmas he will never forget.

I am waiting till after the Hols. in survival mode and If things dont change by Jan.........i am gone. No plan B

she would have gotten her wish.

The OM is now married and my lovely ,incredibly sweet, wonderful, insightful wife doesnt see that he is just shi**ing on her. with his "how are you doing today"

and all.

I am miffed..totally and shut down.....angry........no.

Just saddened that Women on a whole who berate "All men" as dogs ,etal.

And i know that no one can call a few of us here who try our damnest to love and instill family values into our loveones and despite what faces us to remain FAITHFUL.......felt like i was spit in the face.

I am truly saddened by all this........they are right though..SOME men are dogs.....my WW took up with one.

oh yes..........

forgive my manners.

SEASONS GREETINGS <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
(at least you guys have morals..sorta <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)

sorry about that mix up it was WW who said that " ihave nothing to worry about" yadda yadda......

if i had spoken to OM he might have regreted it.....

When she says that WS babble you need to counter with reverse babble.

WW: You have nothing to worry about.

NC: I'm sure that is what you would have said to me before the affair.

Try to phrase it as about you as possible. Don't say, "You can't talk to him." Instead say, "It truly hurts me everytime you talk to him," or "I don't feel safe as long as there is continued contact with him." See if your wife will read SAA or talk to Dr. Harley.

Oh dont worry about me..........i am not crying or slobbering...........i am just upset.
not in an " i wanna smash someones head"upset....more like" how can you think i am such an idiot" upset.

Sounds like you have someone that you need to EXPOSE to. Let OMW know that OM is keeping doors open in case he needs to use them again. I'm sure OMW would not be pleased to hear this. She might cut it off from that end. Do you want to save you marriage? You need to EXPOSE to OMW TODAY!

WW dont want to be told what to read or what to do........sounds famaliar? Yet she is now trying to give an account for everylittle thing being done.

TO ****** WITH EXPOSURE NOW!!!! i dont feel like today nor for awhile........dont feel like being noble today.

let them crash and burn.........for right now .....i am done.

no blood in this steak <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

(what else to do? cant cry......)

Hello Jim,

Nothing personal to you K?

None taken. But NC, I LOVE EXPOSURE! It is fun. If not to save your marriage, then to get that sh!thead OM in trouble in his. Nothing like trouble in paradise. Just think of it as revenge on the OM (although in reality it is to try and save your own marriage). Nothing felt better to me than letting the OM's family and friends what a waste of a human being he was being. I can see the disapproving looks OM's parents gave him at Thanksgiving this year. I had met OM's sister, and she liked me. I'm sure she was pissed at her brother as well.

NC, sometimes you have to frame your situation in your mind creatively to get yourself through this. Sometimes, I like to think of my situation as a game. I like to think I am manipulating WW in this game, and I am EXTREMELY COMPETETIVE. Part of me liked it when I found the prepaid calling card in my WW's purse because I busted her and she couldn't get [censored] past me. I am Jim, super-spy extrordinaire. I play some f-ed up mind games to get myself through. It helps me cope.

By the way, she went out with some friends from back home who were in town on Saturday, and I went out with some friends from work. I was standing at the bar, and the waitress came up and asked me, "hey, what is your name." I realized it was a girl from high school that I had a crush on. She didn't realize I was married (it was dark and crowded and I wasn't with my wife), and she started talking to me and pretty much hitting on me the entire time we were there (like she got me complimentary drinks, told me she lived just down the road and she was getting off a couple hours later, seemed interested that I was a chemical engineer, etc.). She even talked to my female work friend about me when I walked away for a minute. They were all in agreement that I could have gotten some that night, and that I should at least get her phone number. I told them I couldn't because I was married, but it felt good to be wanted again. I told my wife that I turned some down by this ex-crush (who I had told my wife about some time ago, she knew who she was) and she sounded jealous. I felt good this weekend.

Stay strong, NC. You will get through this.

thanks for the encouragement Jim, my WW is sounding tormented on the phone and when i prodded her, she said that she wanted to sort it out on her own.

That me wanting to help is irritating her...she just want to deal with this herself........i said!!!!!!!!........ok then, season greetings and hung up.

why is she stewing by herself? why not get help?

SAME HERE NC - Dude did we M the same woman?

M2L