P.S...
I'm not yelling..
I'm having a difficult time seeing the screen...
Won't type in caps anymore. K?

sorry about the caps

i'm having difficultly reading the words..

I won't use them anymore k?

I was teashing you about yelling at your H, not about using caps here.

If you want the text to be bigger on screen, push down the control key, then hit the plus key to make the text bigger. Hold down control and hit the minus sign key to make the text smaller.

How are you today? This has got to be hard on you.

SS

Thank you dearly...and {hugs} for asking. He wants me to sign those papers....I HAD signed them.....before reading them.....praying to God...he wouldn't sign them. The he said, "I won't sign them, I'll just have the lawyer put them in the safe. So that's when I crossed my name out...because.....well because I think he wrote them out of anger...rightfully so....but....I feel like we are jumping into something. I told him I didn't want to entertain the thought of following through with the papers.

Back up here a minute. Your husband spends between 2 and 4 hours at the bar everyday, and you are wondering how to hold on to him?

I suggest you go to Al-Anon. Your husband is having an affair with the bottle, no wonder you feel empty.

I don't think you should sign them. It looks to me like his past is worse than your past. I believe there needs to be TWO PEOPLE TRYING TO IMPROVE.

If he is making demands on you, but not doing any improvement himself, your marriage won't get better.

Slow down, consult a lawyer yourself before signing anything.

Talk to your IC about this too, and get some feedback before you give him anything else. A professional will be able to identify what is going on and advise you the best course to take.

Slow down. Breathe. You'll get through this. Trust yourself a little bit.

SS

I don't agree with what her H did.... but they were NOT a couple when he had sex with her sister and it was pre marriage. He was a free agent... seems like you should have a bigger problem with your sister about that.
As far as your H spending all that time in a bar... was he doing that before you got married? I could not tolerate his behavior.... but if he was doing this before... you know who you married. If you signed the papers you should not try and cross your name out... not that it is legal to do so anyway. Something like what you signed would most likely need a witness anyway.... I agree, consult a lawyer... but if you did this to prove a point to your H... I suggest strongly that you live up to your word since you have already shown yourself unreliable.
Best of luck.
Please do not take the email thing personally. There are women here that will be happy to talk with you. I am now a single man and don't feel it is right for me to be emailing with a married woman. Hope you understand.

MEDC

Of course I understand about the email thing...I didn't know your name well enough to know you were a guy.
No, the bar visiting was OCCASIONAL before we got married.
The thing with my sister....well...I had just gotten off the phone with him, as he was asking me back....
ANd I questioned them BOTH and they BOTH lied for 7 1/2 years.........my mom finally told me 5 years ago......my husband and I got married about 6 months or so after the fact {me not knowing}
He said "I didn't want to tell you, to risk losing you"
SO ~ what I did was COMPLETELY WRONG and I'm just asking him to recognize.....I CUT that relationship OFF....I felt DIRTY when I was there!!! Please don't give up on US because of that.....I know it takes time......

It's hard to put into words what I'm feeling. I feel like he's "blackmailing" me to sign the papers, he views it as IF I DON"T SIGN them I'm not willing to do whatever it takes to work this out.
You see, in a few years he could get a girlfriend { just throwing it out there} and want a divorce and SHE could be driving the nice truck and being his right hand with all the business stuff....because the papers state....I don't get maintainence, any part of the business...cannot go back later for anypart of the business.....{{{do I feel he's not realizing me working all these years...contributing with the household and suppling insurance "HELPED ALLOW" him to be self-employed all these years.
But it is essentially his "insurance policy"...he can do what ever he wants and he's protected......
Me......??? I just didn't want to entertain the idea...I feel it takee away from really trying.
I mean how hard would you play the game if you knew you were going to win??? Anyway....
I just want to avoid the subject of the papers because we'll get in a fight....
I haven't yelled yet since the discovery...I really wasn't a yeller before. Ironically, we rarely fought.

The weekend is coming ....it's gonna' be good....positive thoughts......

We had a good weekend, then Monday comes.

Need your advice. My husband called my work, asked for the other guy's number. I gave it to him....just from memory. He wanted me to make sure it was the right number....I've deleted from my phone and was hopefully forgetting it. I said, "I haven't called him" He said, "I didn't think you did." {{well...that made me feel good}}

Well, I don't know if or what they talked about. Met my H for lunch, no mention of it. I didn't push, he'll talk when he is ready.

Guess, what I did? When I got back at work I ACCIDENTALLY called the OTHER GUYS number. {I was in the back of my mind obiviously}}} I'm sick I was trying to call my friend Dawn and their numbers are close. Damn it!! Thought her hubby or son answered the phone ....then I realized who I called. I hung up immediately. SHOULD I TELL MY HUBBY I MADE THIS MISTAKE??? I think I should? I hope he believes me

Yes, you should tell him.
I wouldn't believe it either. Sorry, but it is just difficult to accept that mistake.
He has every right to the om's number... and what they speak about will be your business only if your H makes it your business.
I know this comes across as one sided in favor of your BH.. and it really is... but understand why it NEEDS to be that way right now. I also happen to agree with your H that the papers should be signed. I know not everyone here agrees with that... but more than a few feel that a WS forfeits ALL of her rights to marital property. In my opinion, you should be signing the papers and doing everything in your power to give your H the security that he needs. If that means that you put yourself at financial risk, then that is really part of the price you pay for what has happened. You can move on from the wayward part of your life... and I give you credit for doing so... but I liken this to you driving a car and running over your H. Even though you may promise to be a better driver in the furture and even take all necessary steps to do so... you still have caused injury to someone else and now they need to access the insurance for their injuries. You owe it to him at this point to put your needs last.
MEDC

Yes, I already made the call and told him. I was moving on automatic and had already given my husband the number. It was in my mind....STUPID STUPID>>>>
OM last digits are 4672, Dawn's are 4072. I feel better about telling my husband..... Don't want to hide anything......no words were exchange between the OM and I. He didn't try to call back....I'm glad!!!

Yes, we{H and I} discussed the papers...I understand......
I'll do ANYTHING to help him realize and feel safe with me.
I just "felt" like it was one more reassurance for him to leave me....but he said, "Hopefully we'll never have to look at these papers again,"
That's all I needed to hear....
I just wish he'd talk to you all, or someone like a counselor. Instead, of his friends at the bars.....like they are "experts" in relationships,,,,I think not.
One of his confidants hasn't even married his girlfriend {they have kids together} after all these years ...and had a another girlfriend at the same time as well. This is who he was talking to last night at the bar....and then Monday comes and we take 5 steps back it seems.
Ok....think positive thoughts, positive thoughts.....
I put up the Christmas tree......and lights around our loft. Gonna' put some more ornaments on the tree tonight and start the grill for the vension that's marinating.

Yes ...

Definitely tell him.

There are two reasons for this...one is that I am hoping that you are SINCERE in your desire for an intimate and transparent marriage.

Accidental contact is still contact and he needs to know.

The other reason is...don't underestimate his ability to uncover discrepancies. If indeed he HAS the information that you dialed his number [I'm not saying he does..so don't bother giving me a list of reasons why he couldn't...I'm saying don't ASSUME that he doesn't] AND you fail to disclose if LOOKS really really bad and you can forget him believeing that it was an accident at that point.

Many BSs receive a crash course in IT education and become electronics experts...plenty of people on THIS site could give the average PI a real run for the money...so it's always best to just assume that he does know.

I probably didn't word it well up there...
Went to the bathroom at work and used my cell phone to call my Hubby and tell him......

Yes....me .....open book.....transparent.....yes.....

I feel so stupid.......and sick to my stomach.
Just when we are on the upswing.....

If I didn't tell him, I feel like it would be a weight on my shoulders....it was a complete accident.....I think he knows that....


Prayers, prayers...

I think he probably WILL give you the benefit of the doubt because disclosure is *trustworthy* behavior.

We were probably posting at the same time..I didn't see your followup post until after.

Thanks everyone.....I hope tonight isn't "BAD"

Can't wait to see the counselor Thursday

Then we leave for Mexico Monday

Keep him in your prayers.

{hugs...you guys}}}

To my knowledge "they didn't" speak.....I know my H is looking for answers. "We" really won't find answers talking to the other guy
My H did say, "Boy that was stupid, that you called him"....
I said, "I know I feel terrible......"
I realized how I made the call....when my husband phoned me at work earlier yesterday, he asked for the number and I wasn't positive when I gave it to him...he said, "Now make sure this IS the number" {I was frazzled and jotted it down on the calendar on my desk at work...looking to if it looked right" "yeah, this is the number"
So, when I came back from our lunch at our house, I wanted to call my friend Dawn to take her daughter out on my horse. Her number ends in 4072...and I looked down hurriedly at the calendar and just dialed. And even when "he" said hello answering the phone I thought...."what is Dawn's husband doing answering her phone, hmmm...maybe it's her son?" NO......OMG....I hung up......DAMN IT!!!

My husband and I ate early doing dinner together again! I hung some garland and more lights, we took a drive to the new Menards opening up and bought some stuff...then came home and took a bath....{I know too much information, right??} I was just trying to *pamper him and we ended up talking. He asked, "I never knew you were so unhappy" and my mind goes spinning.....trying to bring myself BACK to the mindset that I had back then when I was so IGNORANT!!!
You see, I've had since August to *deal with it and my husband is *just now dealing with it because D-Day was Oct.23rd.
I told him I felt so neglected and undesirable....old....unwanted....etc.....but nothing I say now even *sounds "right"......
When you get down to it, the other guy seemed happy when I called, even to talk about petty things and I think it was just the *power of someone else desiring me....and when the encounter happened I was scared, and nervous and the other guy knew that as he made some comment about it. I feel that why it only went as far as it did. But really what happened or didn't happen is NOT the case....it's how I changed and where my mind was.
My heart just aches for the pain I caused my husband, I look at him and I get so sad.......just incredibly sad!!! I truly never knew how much he loved/loves me.....and it's crazy to think "Now I have confidence in him/us" and he of course, it just the opposite, rightfully so.....I wish I could trade places with him.
I was really all he had...besides my kids. {he adopted them}....he said I was his best friend. How come I didn't feel like it......I feel he wanted to be anywhere else BUT with me.......to be with me when it fit in his schedule.
Now, he's making more time for us........I pray it lasts. I printed out the questionaires....but I don't know how to approach him???? It never seems like the right time.

"The only way I'm gonna' get thru this is by loving you."

I feel like having it tatooed on my arm {smile}

My heart just aches for the pain I caused my husband, I look at him and I get so sad.......just incredibly sad!!! I truly never knew how much he loved/loves me.....and it's crazy to think
"Now I have confidence in him/us"
and he of course, is just the opposite, rightfully so.....I wish I could trade places with him.
I was really all he had...besides my kids. {he adopted them}....
He said I was his best friend.
How come I didn't feel like it......
I feel he wanted to be anywhere else BUT with me.......to be with me when it fit in his schedule.
Now, he's making more time for us........I pray it lasts.
I printed out the questionaires....but I don't know how to approach him???? It never seems like the right time.
Just wanted to bump this....
We are leaving for Mexico Monday and coming back the 28th...
I'll be 40 on the 29th......
I feel nervous, happy, anxious, worried, thankful for the chance to be with my husband. I pray he feels how much I want our marriage to be better than ever...I pray he FEELS how much I love him.