Hey Jim,

this is the same as my post about 5 months in. I was talking about how I was good and OM wasn't. This is weird, same topic. Your coming along fine.

Keep helping others.

M2L

AMEN on needing that remote.

Slow motion for SF, though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So you are saying that I've got about 2 more months, M2L?
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't know either way. Your sitch is dif than mine is/was. All I know is that your hang n tough and doing great. Keep going and keep telling your wife that there is no room for 3 in a M. Don't beat it into her, she knows it's wrong and she is trying. She cut the calls to once a month. That is SOMETHING.

Are you spending time together doing fun things?????

out for movies?
pizza?
Apps and drinks?
shopping with her? Women love this with thier man.
get her a gift cert for nails or the like

Time to win her back completely.

Fun Jim + Mrs.Jim = good times = who the he** is that OM anyway????

I'm trying to go out with her. She resists for the most part. We have gone out to dinner a few times, we went Christmas shopping, we have rented a lot of movies and watched a lot of TV together, we went on a bike ride, we spent the holidays with her sister and nephew. I'm trying to get her out, but she is stressed with work and all too intent on just sitting around and moping on the couch. I'll keep trying.

Jim - don't expect too much from her until she gets through withdrawal. This will drive you crazy but her moping around is actually a good sign because she is missing OM and withdrawing from him.

Yeah, I know, and the first 3 weeks are the worst. Problem is, she called him 20 days after the first NC, and then 18 days after the second NC. Every time we get close to the 3 week mark, she calls him again and resets the d*mn clock. Argh! It's so frustrating.

Jim - takes much closer to 8 weeks. 3 weeks is a good start.

For some reason that 3 week - 4 week NC marker was tough to get past. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

At least that was my experience.

The way I got through it was on a day when I was REALLY tempted to break NC, I told myself if I still felt that overwhelming urge to contact OM the next day, I'd call him.

When the next morning came my urge wasn't as strong as it had been the night before, so I could just keep putting it off until the desire left altogether.

Maybe you could suggest her doing this as well.

~ Marsh

hi guys, Jim I have been reading your post and I wanted to tell you. Keep it up. you have offered great support to me. it has been very helpful.

and there is definately something about the 3's
3hrs, 3 days, 3 months, 3 yrs. that weakness rears its ugly head. I think even in AA they talk about it.
some weird cosmic force of the devil!!

I still don't have NC, but I am finally learning to wait, its how we wait that is important. we have to keep believing. I just keep asking myself "have you given all you can?? If you stop now, will you have any regrets?"
my answers are always "NO, and YES"

and don't forget, if you stop mowing the grass and decide to plant a new field, you will still have to mow the new one eventually. and who knows what kind of weeds you will get, how fertile the soil will be. keep on tending yours and you will have the nicest yard in the neighborhood. (someonemade that analogy to me, it was worded better than that, but you get the point right??)

Yuck, I hate mowing the yard (I'm allergic to grass). I'll pay a landscaping company to take care of my lawn.

Have you tried this at all, Jim? It paid dividends for me 10x. Simple, romantic, and very hard to resist. Start with a couple here and there. Hide one behind the mirror where she gets ready in the morning that says "when you look in the mirror, do you see the same beatiful person that I see?".

Leave others around, with the offers as you choose to make them, based on what you have done before that has been pleasing to her.

What do you have to lose???

SD

I haven't left many notes around the house, but I will start doing that more often. I did send her flowers at work last week for no special occasion with a note that read:

There doesn't need to be a special occasion to tell you how much I love you.

Your truly devoted husband,

Jim

Good move! Remember it isn't any ONE thing that you do that makes a difference, it's ALL of what you do COMBINED that makes a difference.

Pace yourself...this is nothing less than a marathon, and certainly not a sprint. It is painstakingly slow, so remain a patient as you can, and trust that your actions are making a difference!

SD

Jim, this week might be a great chance to maximize your time together, the holidays always make people feel family oriented. any chance of maximizing that, are you spending the time with friends, family? what is her favorite part of the holiday? favorite movie? favorite dinner?? desert?? try to make her something, thoughtful gifts are the best. such a great time to maximize the postitve. a CD of memorable songs. I am putting on the best of everything this xmas. hope it works. don't forget. You are her family, she is there with you. not OM. you are her choice, her contact only speaks to her personal weakness, not in weakness of her love for you.

Well, we had one of our couple friends from college stop by on their way home for the holidays (we'll call them K(W) and V(H). K is probably my WW's best friend from college only she only talks to her now about once every couple months. Originally after I found the last phone card, my WW said she wouldn't hang out with us. Well she came out and wound up having a good time. This was the first time that K and V saw our house and K couldn't stop about how much she absolutely LOVED it. She said it was her dream house (our house is about 90 years old, and is completely updated, but has a ton of the original charm). We also live a couple of blocks from the historic district where all the restaurants and shops are, and K commented about how much she loved that as well. We had dinner and drinks, and then they left, but not after K told V, that he should get a job in St. Louis, so they can live by us. My WW was all too proud to show off our digs as well.

With K going on about how nice everything was, you could tell my WW was realizing exactly how good she has it here. After they left, we watched some TV together. WW asked me to go to the store and get her some chocolate, so I did, and after that we cuddled on the couch together to watch some more TV. When we went to bed, my WW cuddled with me for about a minute or two until we went to sleep. I couldn't have asked for a better night (well, except for SF of course, but I'm not getting greedy). I'm just doing an incredible plan A right now, and I can see my WW slowly coming around. I think we are back to the point where we were before our most recent "setback." Now I just have to figure out how to prevent those "setbacks" from occuring again.

Merry Christmas, everyone! Thank you for all the help and encouragement.

Good news Jim, glad your back on track, have a great holiday

Sounds like a really nice evening, Jim. Is it possible just to forget about this, or at least not worry about it for just a few days? Let it be your Christmas present to yourself. Just live in the moment, enjoy the closeness and quiet, and appreciate your beautiful home.

Merry Christmas to you and your wife.

LilSis

Way to go Jim,

It takes time and these are the good things that need to be done. Your wife sees right from wrong and good from bad.

Your a guy so you would know this line:

"see the ball, be the ball."

Jim,

See the good, be the good.

Merry Christmas Jim and Mrs Jim

PS: the SF will come - trust me. I'm in for 2 in a row tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

M2L

M2L,

You don't have to rub it in.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Merry Christmas!