Jim...two excellent posts! Remember, patience!

Ben?

What is up with your screen name?

Jim started reading your thread and have to say you have come a long way - I have been so self absorbed I have been waiting for people to answer me but I want to personally thank you for looking in on me.

Even though I am 43 y/o your comments have helped my self esteem immesnsely and realize age is only a # and you have so much wisdom - Thank You Merry Christams

Resilient, I meant it to be ben_dover, but messed up. Doesn't mean anything.

Jim, the other night was a great thing, to help your WW see through the fog a bit. An independent 3rd party pointing out all the blessings in her life. There's a little miracle for you, right there!

Keep up the good work. Stay in romantic mode and charm her with your creative love and watch her love bank fill. Stay away from saying "I love you", but tell her how much you care for her in every other way. Assume the personna of a PI, and notice how her hair looks, how she smells, how she looks in her jeans or sweaters. Look how graceful she is when she moves or walks. Be complimentary, but don't lather it on too thick.

You are winning this battle, but remember this rollercoaster goes up and down, up and down. Don't put too much faith in the good moments, and don't be too dissapointed by the bad moments. Steady, even keel, cool and calm, and very, very patient!

SD

Why do you think I called K and told her to call my WW and tell her that she would be in town on Friday? That wasn't a miracle, that was all part of the plan. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Oh, I see. Sounds reasonable. lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

See Jim you ARE doing all the right things. I'm trying to rub it in, just showing you that it gets so much better. If you have thoughts of "is it worth it?" YES it is. Oh, I never had SF last night, turns out my wife is not preggo so we couldn't. Well that is good, no SF for months and she is NOT preg.

What does your wife talk about in a W to H kinda way? Is she getting closer to you?

Take a look at the post where I called for Bob pure and asked about his time line. I'll try to come back with a date. found it 11-11-06

Best wishes,
M2L

Time out, you are going to have to explain that one to me. You couldn't have SF because your wife is not preg? Am I missing something? How would you get her preg in the first place? Have I been doing something wrong all these years?

As far as the W to H talk, it isn't that great just yet (it never was, that's why I stopped meeting her needs, my SF and admiration were not being met), but she does talk about stuff that "we" are going to do in the future "together." She doesn't talk about leaving anymore, and when she does look into the future, it does include me, so that is a positive. Like an example, when K was telling WW how wonderful the house was, WW said that she would be happy staying in this house forever, and there was no reason for us to move. Two months ago she was talking about getting it ready to sell, and how much we were going to lose on it because of the decline in the housing market.

I'll take a look at Bob Pure's timeline, but I'm a project engineer, so I'm always looking for ways to get ahead of schedule. Happy Holidays!

Jim,

It is her time of the month. Hence - not preg.

The talks you have sound like ours a few months ago. I think your on track.

Sorry, but you can't push it. I'm a production mgr and also want to push it faster. Oh well, you are doing fine.

M2L

You didn't know that going into last night? Shoot, I won't plan a vacation six months in advance without knowing what week that will be. Did she at least take care if you in other ways? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I have a cold anyway and I passed out from the meds. No big deal when I view the big picture. She is very happy with our M now and thinks we both learned a lot. DUH!! We're not done learning either.

We talked more today about everything and she just thinks of it as the biggest mistake of her life. Please take notes Jim, your wife will be saying this also!!!!

M2L

Jim, you are doing fine. Relax and enjoy the eve and Christmas Day... everyone deservse a little break now and then, to rest, heal and recharge. Just enjoy each other's company for a couple days, then back to business!

Merry Christmas to all on this thread!
SD

Jim:

If you don't mind, briefly catch me up on what is going on with you?

Is it PLAN A?

Sorry, I don't have the time to read your thread.

I am sooo impressed with your wisdom and sensitivity...

I have sons in your peer group and they certainly don't seem to have developed to your level of emotional maturity...

I've thought the same thing Mimi. Jim, you are way ahead of your age group!! I'm 36 and the things you come up with are very good and ahead of your age.

Now you have to work this out with your wife because you would make a great father.

M2L

WW and I had M troubles this summer. I kind of withdrew and stopped meeting her ENs in June. Almost immediately she had a male friend from work that she started hanging out with. I trusted her, so I didn't say too much. Also, I found out this guy was moving to Boston in the middle of August, so I didn't worry too much. July 28th she is out partying and doesn't come home. She says she got too drunk to drive and passed out in her car (she actually passed out on OM's futon). I confront her that her relationship with OM is inappropriate, and I no longer allow her to hang out by herself with OM. I am present at the next 5 gatherings until he leaves.

She brings up in MC that she wants to go visit him by herself. I say no way. She wants her space and asks if she can take a trip to NYC by herself. I reluctantly agree on the advice of my crappy MC. One week later after she booked the trip, I notice she changed her email password. I get a keylogger and find that she invited OM to stay with her for her trip. I immediately tell her I want a divorce, and she says he is just a "friend" and did nothing wrong. Two days later, I change my mind and tell her I know I've screwed up in the M, and I want to work things out. She says she isn't sure and wants some space. We go to MC, and asks for trial separation. I stupidly agree (I no longer frequent that particular MC). I move out all of September. While I am gone, she calls OM everyday for about 1 hour. She goes to NYC the second last weekend of September and says OM is staying with a friend.

I move back in a week later, but things are even worse. She insists nothing happened but refuses to stop calling OM. She tells me she has decided she wants a divorce. She says she wants to move away to the east coast where there are more and better paying publishing jobs (she works for a publishing services company as an editor). She starts looking online at jobs and apartments in Boston, and I keep begging her to work on the marriage.

In late October I find this website and I lurk a little. I post my story on 11/3, and immediately everyone convinces me that it is a PA, not an EA. I call OM, and tell him I know, and he admits it is a PA and that he wants to be with her. I immediately expose to all friends, family, and her work (because A started with a coworker who had since left the company). She flips out that I told her work and tells me I ruined any chance of us reconciling. She starts calling lawyers, and sets up an appointment for the following week. I place a voice activated recorder in her car and hear here discuss being with the OM after she gets a divorce and finds another job. That is the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

After talking with posters here and my friends and family, I decide because I don't want to go through any more pain, we have only been married 3 years, we have no children, and I am only 26, I decide that I will divorce her. On 11/8, I separate my finances, consult with a lawyer, and leave her a note telling her she needs to move out and get a new cell phone plan, health insurance, and car insurance because I am cutting her off financially (I make about 2.5 times what she does) so I don't finance her affair and make it easy for her to get away with what she is doing.

She calls me up and tells me that she called OM, and told him it was over and she promised not to call him anymore if I didn't divorce her immediately. She said that she doesn't know if she still wanted to be married, but she didn't want to make the wrong decision and she wasn't sure yet. After careful thought, I agree not to go through with divorce. After about 1 week she moves back into the bedroom, but there is no affection. We host her sister and nephew for Thanksgiving and things start improving. We sit on the couch together and cuddle somewhat.

On 11/28 I find out that she bought a prepaid calling card and called the OM. I flip out and she says that I should divorce her, and I'm a controlling SOB, blah, blah, blah. This blows over in a couple days. We keep spending more time together and cuddle more. It feels less awkward and more and more sincere. On 12/16, she does the same thing, buys another calling card, and calls OM again. I flip out and we have the same argument only I am not angry, but crying the whole time and telling her how much that is hurting me. She says that I'll never forgive her or trust her again.

We had a few people visit us during the holidays, and it has been fun, we have recovered since the last calling card incident, and I think that future incidents are not likely anymore. I feel a lot better this time. Things are getting much, much better, and I am waiting for her to crack in the next month or two.

As for maturity, this [censored] makes you grow up fast, regardless whethere you are ready to or not.

As for maturity, this [censored] makes you grow up fast, regardless whethere you are ready to or not.


Yep, it sure does. Sucks to grow this way.



Jim or Mimi,

anyone know where NC is? Off for Christmas or starting the new job?

M2L

What am I, his keeper? Seriously, NC hasn't posted much at all since he got that new job. I guess they might actually want him to work or something. What is up with that?

Hey Jim,

How are things going with you? Any plans for New Years Eve with your wife? How about any trips to a sunny beach?

My Dday was 5-8-06. By the end of May I packed the two kids and my wife into a motorhome and took a 6-7 day trip. Then again in July and a shorter trip in Aug. I mixed in a day trip or two to water parks for the kids in between. The whole time my wife was loving it because she felt like a family and was also away from all the crap at home.

I know you don't have kids, but I think your wife would still think of a trip as a close couple thing. A few drinks on a beach sound nice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

M2L

Me and the WW are going to downtown St. Louis for New Years Eve with a couple of friends from work. As far as a vacation is concerned, she is really uptight with money right now (part of the reason she couldn't leave me), and she doesn't want to spend a lot of money on a trip until we get our AC/furnace replaced. It will probably be later in the year before she will let me drop any real dough on a real vacation, but I'll be pushing for a weekend getaway to somewhere we can drive in the spring. Other than that, I just try and keep her entertained as much as possible in between.

What are you doing for the New Year?