Well, she's off the phone with him, so she's back in it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I love your attitude !

LOL

Jim,

What do you think?

Jim,

How about now for a little trip? I know your wife wants to save right now, but a night or two at a hotel with a pool???

Check specials right now for good deals.

Let your wife know that you are not looking for anything from her, just to go and have fun.

????????

She won't go for it. I'm trying to not push too hard right now.

Wow, tough group, I hesitate to speak.......

aww, what the heck. no one knows my real name.

Jim, I am no person to give advice I am such a newbie, but you have already admitted how easy it is to advise others, but difficult to see your own problems. probably because of all the emotions involved.

you posted me some great advice earlier today.



just one question, is not making her change cell #'s enabling OM access to her?????
that window is wide open. she is vulnerable. she made a big step today. help her stay strong and prevent OM access to her. cancel that damn phone:)

again JMHO

I agree with you. Up to this point OM has never broken NC until WW called him tonight to "officially" end it. He texted her back, and then clarified his remarks to "let's be friends." She texted him back that she wouldn't be contacting him again. This is also the first time she has used her cellphone to contact OM since the 1st NC. Every other time she has broken NC, it has been with a prepaid calling card, and she tried to hide it from me. If there is any other contact, the cell phone will be shut off and/or the number changed. I made that clear. She then said, "what if I get my own phone." I responded by saying she wouldn't be living here. She then dropped it.

Jim,

I just thought of this. After my wife called OM "one last time to say it's over and done" the OM called her a few times. Each time he would *67 and private would show up. My wife knew it was him so she gave me her cell phone for a few weeks.

One day he called and I had the jump on him. I knew it was him, but he didn't know I would answer. Boy that was a fun call!!! He clearly understands not to call agian!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Maybe try that.

M2L,

How long after the "one last call to tell him it's done" call until she decided to work on the M?

jm you sound well

I in fact am a little hopeful about this contact...

how many here when d-day occurs go through repeatitive FALSE no contact closure conversations....

I personally don't really care for no contact letters...
I prefer no contact in action....
and don't get to excited over no contact letters..

sometimes they become fodder for the WS and OP to remain in contact....

I am more hopeful as it is in your case with a person who has been mulling and chewing things over....and makes this type of contact move...

now we all get it could be the begining of more contact...

OR

it could be the begining of a WS truly looking at their actions...
and seeing their falseness and all that other stuff they were....

she told you all about it...
that's a great great sign...

what is the tone and tension like in your home..
is there happiness and warmth..
or is it eggshells...

whats really going on in the jmwc home...

ARK

Well,

We watched Must See TV on NBC last night and went to be early. She talked about how I wasn't happy this summer and had to figure out what I wanted, and now she has to do the same. She admitted what she did was wrong and said she called him to explain why she wouldn't call him anymore. I told her that I wasn't worried about us because in a choice between life with me or life without me, life with me was obviously better (she got a chuckle out of that). I told her that I would wait for her without being pushy until she figured that out for herself because she was worth waiting for and she smiled and started reading her book. When she got done with her book, she layed her head on my chest and cuddled me in bed for about 15 minutes before she rolled over and went to sleep. I think we're going to make it, but it's going to take more time than I had hoped.

I really think that she knew she didn't have a future with OM, didn't really want a future with OM, but thought we were done, so she didn't want to give it up while he was filling some of her ENs. It was like an exit A, someone to help her transition from me to life without me. I will admit, we were having major problems at the time, and I had expressed concern that maybe I didn't want to stay in the M. I had tried to get her to make some changes, but I had done it in all the wrong ways, and I grew frustrated and unhappy. I think once she understands that I have changed for good and I can be happy with her, she will do the necessary inner work to make it work between us. We are each other's best friends, she knows that if we D I won't stay friends, and she doesn't want to lose me. She doesn't have any family left other than her sister, and her sister is completely on my side and talks to me more than her. She just needs to figure out how to be happy with me.

It fluctuates. I think it is mostly happiness and warmth. We have good times together talking about our days, watching our favorite shows and discussing them, talking about what we need to do around the house, what we are going to do for the weekend, and then when we start getting too close she pulls away a little and it is like walking on eggshells. Then I back off and slowly work my way back up to where we were again and maybe a little further. I'm trying to push her along slowly, but sometimes I get a little ahead of myself. She does seem depressed, however, and sometimes it is like walking on eggshells all day.

About 8 weeks Jim.

I aksed my wife last night while in bed about her "one last phone call." I asked if she felt like she needed closure. Ahe she yes, but when she did make the call she really started to feel hate for the OM. She started to feel like he used her.

I'm not saying my wife did no wrong and is an Angle. She is responsible for her own actions and it took her a little while to come to terms with that.

That little while seemed like a 1.5 years to me.

I think that this is the path that some take.

Just thought of this:

My wife told me at about the same point your at, "M2L, you handled your side of this sitch your way and it is very good, better than I thought you would. Now you have to let me handle my side of this my way. Just give me some time and don't pressure me."

I think you are very strong jim, just don't forget that these words are strong too and now you will have to back that up with action if it comes to that

I am encouraged by your WW's actions as well, though I am an optimist. actions speak louder than words and although I have no idea about NC, I do believe it has to come from WW, if they don't want it, it won't be true. maybe thats why she broke NC so many times before. she wasn't ready. now maybe she is. hope for the best prepare for the worst.


maybe more how to be happy with herself first and then with you. soul searching takes time. she is on the right track though.

keep it up!!

You are correct Jim. The average Recovery takes 2 years. My own took 4 years) Patience. One day at a time. Don't get "lost" in impatience for "the" day. Remind yourself daily of your commitment "to let it take all the time it needs as you address each day's 'problems' one day at a time."

Like the stock market (perhaps a poor analogy) Recovery doesn't always go "up." Some days it's "flat" and some days it "retreats." But over the long haul, it goes up higher than wherever it was when you "jumped in" for the ride. "Long term gains" are what you are working for, not just "short term gains."

God bless.

........I like the stock market analogy...

I'm feeling pretty sh!tty today. Last nights call made a HUGE love bank withdrawal. I don't know if I can stand another one. I'm just waiting for the next one to occur. I don't believe anymore that this was the last contact. I just don't know if I have it in me to outlast her continuing to contact OM. I'm just having a rough day. Hopefully this weekend will be good and get my spirits back up. I'm going to read the Book of Job tonight to give me some inspiration.

Jim, if you haven't already, go read my Battlefield of the Mind thread. I'll be updating it shortly.

I'll be praying for you this weekend. Call me if you need to talk.

This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

- Henry V

You are among a "band of brothers", Jim. And a few pretty darn tough sisters too.

Peace to you this weekend Jim.