Hi CL,

Thanks for dropping by.


Yep... back to the lowest...temporarily....because NOW we supposedly have the tools to deal with it better



....yea...right....CL....keep repeating this to me.... I will go and check on your thread to see how you are doing these days!


PS Can someone tell me how to add the icons please!

Yes Lunamare, your saga seems to have similarities to my own, and especially in relation to timescale.
I am sorry you have now reached stage D. I am now now certain I am heading in the same direction.
At my age , 70 this year, I have considered in the best interests of myself..and those of DD13 and DS19...to resist a Divorce for another 3 plus years. That is so long as DD13 settles down better...stops truanting and ceases making life very difficult at times. I do not want DD13 to lose her pony and general horsey pursuits and have a possible equine oriented future. Divorce, now, could make this impossible..financially.

As I previously said, WW is making an attempt to break Plan B.
I wish to remain "dark" and not reply direct to her letter requesting a "need for a meeting to discuss things".
So, I have drafted a note for the intermediary, DD22, to communicate to her. I also posted this draft on my own thread a few days ago....it says....

DD22,
Your role is simply as message bearer and I amm grateful for that. I hope it is not becoming too difficult for you,
Love,
Dad.
RESPONSE TO YOUR MUM's LETTER.

"At present there is nothing I need to discuss with her.

And at present I do not feel it is a good idea to meet.

Mum (WW) could make up a list of anything she feels she "needs" to discuss. I would not in any case wish to meet her without an agenda.

I thought I had made it clear to her in several letters after she left that, until she gave up her affair and tried a return to the marriage, there would be no direct contact between us.

This is not being vindictive. It provides a possibility of reconciliation or gives me time to fall completely out of love with her."

DD22 is mature for her age...is a "tough cookie"..and helps with my problems with DD13. So I am sure is able to continue as intermediary.
Any comments would be appreciated.

Hi N67,

Sorry for taking so long to comment back...

I am not on MB as much, and I thought I would check out your own thread before commenting but I haven't finished yet... looks like you have gotten good advice so far....

...as far as plan D goes....sounds like you are evaluating the pros and cons of it.... and when the cons column is longer than the pros one.... you will then know it's time....

As far as WW wanting to break plan B?

..if you want my opinion on that, it will be much clearer...NO!

If you have made the path back to reconciliation clear to WW... DO NOT bite!

Your WW must see A as a 'dealbreaker' in no uncertain terms... if YOU don't take your plan B seriously, why should she?

You must remain credible and trustworthy that you will DO what you SAY if you want your WW to take your boundaries seriously...

HER choice to do what she WANTS now.... but you MUST NOT BUDGE on the YOUR boundaries....

Update.

Well...first meeting at court tomorrow, in separate rooms, me and my attorney and WS and his attorney....any go-in-between will be done by attorneys.

No 'family member' living in same city...so a very good friend of mine has accepted to come along....and I am sooooo glad... expecting some 'inner turmoil' but hoping I can keep it together... outwardly!

I also have arranged for some IC help... think I am going to need it!

Just for the record.... I still would like WS to end A, still love my H (not WS, but he is nowhere in sight), would like to have a shot at recovery of my M, and have my family back together, and not go through plan D... and since that's NOT all up to me...

...let me appreciate what I do HAVE in my life:

- intelligent, sexy, beautiful, dependable, faithful, responsible, loveable, funny, hospitable, friendly...ME

- the pleasure of watching grow my two beautiful, wonderful, smart, caring, sensitive boys

- a very comfortable home to live in with food in the fridge

- a group of very generous friends willing to be there for me whenever they can

- a job that I enjoy a whole lot, co-workers with whom I get along, and the cherry on the cake.... that has 'unexpectedly' allowed me to travel quite a bit the last few years

- my whole future ahead of me!

and, of course, last but not least.... MY GANG... on the MB Board... with whom I can share and identify with.... to my heart's content.... ALL that is involved and it takes to.... survive and A!

...because if it was not for KNOWING that sooooo many of you can do this.... I might have thought that I....couldn't!

...but I can and will because.... we can survive an A... and even better.... learn to turn it all around.... and have better, richer lives because of it!

((((((((((((((((MB))))))))))))))))))

((((((((luna)))))) back at ya!!!

Good luck tomorrow. I'll be cheering for you.

We're here if you need us. This board has saved me many evenings and I don't know where I would be without it.

Keep moving forward Luna. Ace always says that miracles happen, so maybe one will happen for you too. Maybe even me.....

We don't know. Will be interesting to see where we are in five years!

Hi CL,

Thanks for dropping by.

Well... had first round with lawyers...

...and I have come to the realization that I will not be able to 'afford' staying in plan B, and have expensive third parties, lawyers, who don't know the details, 'communicate' indirectly with WS all the time... what I could probably do...myself in half the time...at no cost!

WS has accepted not to pursue shared custody of DS17... because it would not hold out in court anyway!...

DS12 since the Fall has only been staying with WS four nights every two weeks, monday to friday.... so spends weekends at home...and is fine with this, but WS is going to insist that we go back to one week/one week.... before the judge if need be.

I can't afford the cost of fighting him...

I am considering breaking plan B to discuss the logistics of both DS12 and assets to move forward with plan D... which essentially respects my boundary of not wanting to stay married to WS!

I haven't talked to WS in a long time... I would be prepared to talk to him over the phone...no need to meet face to face... and if I can't take it... I will just need to politely end the conversation.

Comments? What am I risking? On D-day and afterwards.... I was a basketcase.... I THINK I now know more of the dynamics of affairs... M is no in danger... it's ending for all intents and purposes!

Just a thought..... will sit on it for a while.... see how I feel about it tomorrow...

Thanks for listening.


...uhmm..

and how about I propose that our exchanges use the principles of POJA?

Thanks Lunamare for your advice and helpful comments.
I see you have a new "D" thread...I must look at it later.
N67.