nz...

QUIT PLAYING THE GAME AGAIN

Give him his court appointed time. Give him what you want your child to have. I wouldn't give him an extra inch while he is in his current state. You don't want part of him do you? It's all or nothing at this point, accept nothing less. Look at your plan b letter and the conditions you set for yourself. Stick to those conditions.

I know its hard, but you can do it.

-hang in there

RookKev

Thanks for your reply. The court agreement doesn't specify any special arrangement for Christmas, so am not sure if I should make any for DD or not. I was thinking of letting him see DD Christmas morning, so she could open presents etc, but not having him around from Christmas lunch. We don't have any family here so was thinking of heading to some friends for the afternoon.

Re plan B letter, I never did one. The A galloped away and I was busy trying to survive and eventually decided I couldn't take him back, hence no plan b letter. Still don't think I can take him back if it was requested, have got used to life as it is and now see a better and brighter future than I did 1 year to 1.5 years ago.

That is wonderful news. Now you need to just take your time. Arrange your Christmas as you would have if he was still with the OW. No need to change all of your plans around for him.

The coming weeks will be very interesting. Let's see if he really "gets it". Don't make any decisions right now. You have all the time in the world.

Hi All

I haven't posted anything for a long time. Things have been going well. DD turned 3 in March and as she keeps telling me, she is a 'BIG girl now'. Life is going well, no new person for me, but to tell the truth not really ready for it yet, it would be nice, but think I need more time to myself first.

XWBF has been ok, but now he has a new girlfriend. He didn't tell me about her, but it was obvious he had meet someone, the amount of time he wanted to spend with DD suddenly reduced. I had let him see her every Sunday instead of the agreed every second Sunday. He suddenly reverted back to the every second Sunday arrangement. I'm not worried about this at all, but I do have a question.

This Sunday, he introduced DD to his new girlfriend and took her back to his flat that from what I can make out from DD - his new girlfriend is actually a flatmate. My question is I don't think it is appropriate for DD to meet new girlfriend at this early stage (relationship is approx 2 months old), am I being too harsh? I just don't have any confidence that this relationship is going to last, it seems like a convenience relationship (flatmate). XWBF thinks it is acceptable and I don't so we are at a standoff. I am not opposed to her meeting new girlfriend, but think that there is a time a place for it, and now is not that time. Any thoughts?

My next question, we hadn't agreed that DD would go to his flat, when I raised this with XWBF, he said he would do what he wanted and that he isn't going to let me control is life! I am not keen on DD going into a flatshare situation. Again, am I being too over protective?

Thanks

Hi NZ Girl. I thought I was clicking on 'thought for today' and then realised you were asking for advice.

I don't know how much say you would have in how he organises his day with DD. You have every right to be over-protective and voice your views about how you feel, however, I can't imagine you can stop him taking your daughter to his apartment. This is not the woman who has wrecked your relationship so it's different IMO.

If I remember rightly, you weren't married but were in a long-term relationship? This might be an issue that people have dealt with on the 'divorce forum'. Just might be worth asking over there to see if anyone has had similar issues.

It appears you remained in England? Were you ever tempted to move back home? TT

Hi TT

Good to hear from you. Thanks for the repsonse, yes I can be a little over protective, but I am concerned about the flatshare situation due to the fact there are 4 people in total living in the flat, which to me is an uncontrolled environment. You don't know who is doing what! That's the concerned Mummy in me again.

Anyway, Yes still in olde blighty - moved from London to Newbury which is good for DD and Me. Nice to see the country side. I am tempted often to go back home, but one of my needs is financial security, the long I hang in here, the more financial secure our future will be.

Hope things are going well for you too. I think you are based in Asia somewhere (HK, Singapore, or something like that?)