I will add this because it is relevant to the topic of the thread. Because adultery is so forbidden here, even though it usually goes unreported, they have made a science of cheating. These people could write textbooks on the subject. They have thought of things that will take years to migrate to the West and as technology "improves", it just becomes cheating becomes even more of an art. I have had locals explain all their tricks and I am amazed at how clever they are. I don't really wish to post those ideas here. Where there is a will......

there are angry relatives fighting over the inheritance.

any other CONTRACT that 2 people enter into can't be broken by just one of the people without legal consequences

but even though marriage is a contract...all it takes is one person saying 'i changed my mind" and the contract is null and void

makes no sense!!!

adultry actually IS against the law isn't it? there are just no consequences so what's the point???

it's become just like the old laws that made certain sexual acts, even with your spouse, against the law

so very sad isn't it?

in SOME states (very few still do this) you CAN actually sue to collect damages against the OP

not my state though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I thought briefly about suing Omelette, Noddy or the Catholic Church (who enabled their affair so blatently) because I suffered from severe PTSD after Noddy left me and my Crohns became so bad I am now disabled by it. It has damaged me now to such an extent I will never recover from it.

I stayed at home to look after the kids. I expected to have a career when they were older; instead I am divorced, have Crohns and I cannot work.

It's proving the case, of course, that is the tricky part. It's easy to feel owed by someone, but it doesn't get you anything. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Why?!??!?! Where's the equality? Men don't get killed because they....make the law? Hm.... where's that higher law they keep quoting or is it only when it is to their advantage?!???! No picking on only your environmeent. Same goes on everywhere.

So the law of man is never really enforced. It then isn't a real law in most places, just on the books t/b enforced at the judges discretion. Hm.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

What's that word when someone says one thing and then does another?

The problem with adultery is that it is an acknowledged sin, transgression, criminal act, etc. but it is not treated as such for ALL who break the law. Some get punished but not all.

Mostly talk, very little do creating lots of doo doo. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

The men are punished - just not necessarily to death. We have discussed this before on a different thread. If I had to choose between the two, I might take the stoning. The man's punishment is much more cruel.

You're right, of course.

I don't have any concept of how the culture works since I've never been over there. I was projecting how I thought things would go if such laws were enacted here -- I think they'd have the same effect (lots of unreported adultery) but for entirely different reasons. I live in the US and if adultery was made a capital crime (we'd make it capital for both men and women, I presume) I can't imagine very many cases where it would be made public or reported even if the BS knew about it. In fact, it might possibly provide LESS leverage for the BS because things such as exposure would be much less advisable. Most people want their spouses back -- not executed.

I guess my point was that I don't think that sort of law would work to significantly diminish adultery here, in the US, either.

I think the same thing with regards to imprisonment -- like the punishments we have for rape. I actually think less people would expose adultery if there was a chance their spouse was going to prison for several years. The key is that whatever ciminal penalty (as opposed to civil remedy like lawsuits for alienation of affection or fault divorce remedies) has to apply to both parties and I really think most people (here in the US anyway) would be pretty reluctant to turn their spouse over to the state.

Maybe I'm wrong?

By the way, piojitos, I'm surprised that so many people talk about adultery given how forbidden it is. I'd have guessed that it would be the dirty little secret no one talks about but everyone knows goes on. I guess I'm shocked that people actually give details of how they do it.

Mys

I read some time ago that some states were considering making "Gross Marital Misconduct" - mostly meaning adultery - a charge that would stick in divorce cases.

Below is a link to a brief story where the term is mentioned:

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9403E4D81538F931A35752C0A965948260

Maybe we should all petition our lawmakers about having "Gross Marital Misconduct" become a charge that has some teeth when it comes to settlements and custody in divorce cases.
Mulan

It is illegal in the great Commonwealth of Virginia:

"Under Virginia law, adultery, defined as having sexual intercourse with anyone other than a spouse, is a Class 4 misdemeanor and subject to a $250 fine."

Not much of a penalty. But you do get a record if the charge is brought and you are found guilty.

We also have penalties for adultery in divorce cases (you cant get alimony if you commit adultery, your spouse can immediately divorce you for cause, etc).

Would like to see more teeth in the Virginia law. Maybe make it a felony (which means people in government work would lose their security clearances...nurses could lose their licenses, etc).

I still believe that the adulterrer should be spayed

*******************edit************

It should be illegal at least in the courts eyes. I don't know if it is just me, but there seem to be more men on these boards trying to recover than women. I think that's partly because men know that should they choose to divorce they're going to be raked over the coals for custody and support. Hence, the cliche "Cheaper to keep her". It should be that infidelity falls in the same category as mental or physical abuse and judgements should be in favor of the BS. The way things are now women WS's feel they hold all the cards because in most cases they get the kids, the house and financial support. Not very fair if they choose to commit adultery is it?

This thread is from 2006

just F Y I

**************edit**************

Thanks for the heads up Pepperband. It got bumped up by 0403 and I thought I'd add my .02 cents on the topic.

Thanks Justuss! You sure were quick on those posts! I've sent you an email.

****** edit ******

I think that the real issue with adultery is betrayal. Betrayal is often devastating even when it doesn't involve marital infidelity.

All the best,
Gimble

So, does anyone know how to put a bill together to get something started here in the U.S.?

I think there should be consequences for breaking the marriage contract. In my state, it's "no fault".

I think OPs should be able to be sued as well as the WSs facing consequences.

Mopey,

That would be a great idea accept for one thing. The politicians are just as likely to be commiting adultery as anyone else. So the chances of getting any real change in the laws would be slim to none. It sure is a sad state of our country that things have degraded to this. It is everywhere from tv to movies and music and in most cases it isn't even represented in a negative fashion.

It might be easier for engaged couples to draw up their own pre-nup agreements that take into account the consequences of adultery.

Not that I'm opposed to the laws being changed to acknowledge the damage caused by adultery to the BS and the BC (Betrayed Children), just that on an individual basis it might be quicker and more practical to have a personalized marriage contract. Also, even if the laws were changed, they could change back again to the no-fault mess. It makes more sense to me to have each person clearly indicate in writing what they expect before getting married.

You know how people used to go to pre-marital counseling back in the 'old days'? Well, that is becoming popular again and IMHO that's a very good thing. I like the idea of not only discussing important things with a future spouse but also putting down in writing what's agreed upon. Deciding to spend your life living with a specific person, raising children together, linking your finances, etc. SHOULD be considered one of the most serious contracts you enter into in your life!

Some states do still allow for 'alienation of affection' penalties but I'm pretty sure that's a civil court thing - not a crime technically.