dedicatedfather: No, not using my children. Just trying to look out for them. My ex has what is called NPD. It's a personality disorder that can cause a lot of harm in not only a relationship but in the live of a child. My ex has no ground to cover. She lost the respect of her children and my family. Please understand that this is a very sick person who refuses to get help. Most NPD's will not get help.

"Narcissists lack a mature conscience and seem to be restrained only by fear of being punished or of damaging their reputations -- though, again, this can be obscure to casual observation if you don't know what they think their reputations are, and what they believe others think of them may be way out of touch with reality [see remarks on \l "appear" elsewhere on this page]. Their moral intelligence is about at the level of a bright five- or six-year-old; the only rules they recognize are things that have been specifically required, permitted, prohibited, or disapproved of by authority figures they know personally. Anyhow, narcissists can't be counted on not to do something just because it's wrong, illegal, or will hurt someone, as long as they think that they can get away with it or that you can't stop them or punish them (i.e., they don't care what you think unless they're afraid of you)"

. The other "punishment" narcissists mete out is banishing you from their glorious presence -- this can turn into a farce, since by this point you are probably praying to be rescued, "Dear God! How do I get out of this?" The narcissist expects that you will be devastated by the withdrawal of her/his divine attention, so that after a while -- a few weeks or months (i.e., the next time the narcissist needs to use you for something) -- the narcissist will expect you to have learned your lesson and be eager to return to the fold. If you have learned your lesson, you won't answer that call. They can't see that they have a problem; it's always somebody else who has the problem and needs to change.

Dedicated father, sage 06

Yes I agree it is wrong to talk badly about WW in front of them, I am trying hard not to do this. They do see me cry though, and know why I'm doing it. It's crazy to still do that but the emotions are still there. She's been gone 5 weeks. She didn't abandon her kids just our home and me. WW actually asked when she left if she could take kids with her, I agreed in hopes of lessening their emotional stress. After one day she called making arrangements for kids to come back and stay for 4 days over the first weekend.

My WW comes to get one on Sunday eve and keeps them with her untill Friday. It's funny I've had them both for 5 weekends in a row now. It is an enjoyable time I look forward to. A concern I have is they are both more attached to her than I. I can see it in them when she stops by to get one of them. my fear is when this goes to court, they'll be asked who they want to be with. In the past she was always closer with them than I. I kept busy doing around the house and vehicle repairs, although there were times I played with and read to them.

Oh yes, not divorced yet but it sure feels like it. I have spoken with an attorney, have annother appointment this week. I am going for full physical custody, I know this will bring her claws out. Not sure how kids will feel about this yet. When they are both with me I make sure they know how much I enjoy our time together.

Did she say this to you? Because it's total rubbish.

She's trying to lessen her guilt but she has actually put her own selfish needs before you and her children.

She was quite well aware when she left that she would hurt the children deeply. But she did it anyway. Leaving you (and not taking the kids) is abandoning the family, even if she does still see the kids.

Alph.

Yes, I do this as well. Crying! Being upset. Until I could understand why she could do what she was doing. It torn me up inside. Understanding her Mental and emotional state has save me so much pain. I just wish I could forgive her for her actions, but I still not there yet! Living with someone with a personality diorder will make your life a living ******!

We use her now as a "what not to do" type of example. Still I and my children want nothing to do with her. I fear that she may try to get back with us if this other relationship doesn't work out. I hope it does, then like her last two children (her last marrage and ex got the children) she will just forget about us and leave us along. We are so emotionally used up that we just don't want to deal with her anymore! After reading up on people with NPD, her condition (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) will get worst as they grow older.






Please go out today and get as many books on father's who want custody! This will be a very hard fight for you unless she doesn't care about who has custody! If your children are in their teens, many judges (court system) will ask the children who they want to live with. Also the person that has temporary custody (children that live with them) has a better chance of getting custody, One lawyer told me this. I even wrote in down and posted it! "the longer the better" which mean, the longer the children are in your care, the better chance you will have to keep the children, But please get the books and read, read and then read some MORE on custody for fathers!

Not sure if you are referring to a legal term (adandoning) or a moral sense. Legality (that might depend on the state you live in) she might not have abandoned her children in the eyes of the law. But morally I agree a 100% with you!

Strictly morally. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> As you say, legally it depends where you are.

In the UK, there is no such thing in a divorce case, unfortunately, no matter how much damage the WS does the children.

Alph.

yes thanks for the reply, yes I learned that too with my ex. Leaving her children and nothing legal can be done about it. I guess that the courts feel that if you walk away from your children, you are a loser anyway and your children will hate you for the rest of their lives is Punishment enough! I know how my children feel about Their mother and I wouldn't want to be in her shoes. What a loser! Still is hard for me to understand when a parent can just walk away from children.