Good on you, BIC. Don't let her frighten and bully you. That's what she wants and she's REALLY mad now because it's always worked before.

So - expect her to up the ante. Be very, very careful and protect yourself, because she is almost certain to try something else to intimidate you and get her way.

Don't be surprised!
Mulan

Listen to Mel and Mulan..... My EX WW thought she could do the same to me and it worked for a while then I remembered who I was when we met and the game was up. Your WW is peeved because she's not getting her way. Everything is your fault. To ****** with what she wants. Don't you dare let her take these kids anywhere. Don't you leave the home. You get your attorney prepared to deal with her if she ups and tries to run out with the kids.

Stand up and be counted....demand respect and expect respect. Don't argue, LB, DJ or act angry. Be the calm, cool, collected and stable parent here. It will matter no matter how this turns out.

All,
I remained calm tonight for the first time. When she got angry I just told her I will return and talk when the anger is gone. Boy talk about some of the dirtiest looks I have seen in a while. If looks could kill as they say..

Thanks for all the advice my lawyer is ready and is very marriage friendly. She even talks plan A and B. We are still in plan A waiting for her to pull us into the plan B.

I am taking the kids to my sisters in Phx next week while they are out of school. It is her that now wants to go with me because she doesn't trust me with them. I have been around them for 10 years. Never harmed them before but now she is worried.

I will keep my nose clean for what is next. I am sure it will be the Restraining order like her "online friends" told her to get. But my lawyer says it will be hard because I have not done anything to her or the kids

Thanks for the support

Ron

You may even want to consider taping your conversations with her so that it shows your stability and the fact that you don't anger and go off the deep end regardless of her actions and unkind words. This could help negate any RO. Also, as a last resort be prepared to take a polygraph if she tells lies on you and tries to get the RO placed.

Plan A her, don't LB, DJ, etc. You handled the sitch you described very well.

BIC.... lets get one thing straight your wife is still wayward, maybe not active in an affair but she is no where near to going into recovery.

Remember you are looking not at your sweet wife of 10 years but an ALIEN that ate her brain and is now controlling her every move and word out of her mouth.

She will project what ever anyone says to her or whatever she creates in the vast empty space left by the alien. You will hear things liek YOU are crazy and YOU are suicidal and she fears YOU.... as everyone says its her reacting to you not you reacting to her.

You should never react to her, you have to come up with a plan and then execute not waiting for her. If you better yourself, if you make yourself more desireable - ie holding onto your balls, she may come around.

Right now she is running scare, her anger is not necessarily all directed at you, but you have become prime A number one target for things you did and things you never knew about.

This is another reason you have to MAN UP and take it on the chin, if you ever want her to come around you need to show her a man that can be strong and steadfast.

Your starting to do the thing right and your head is getting there, remember you will waver, you will falter that is okay. Step back rethink - retool your approach and come back her and ask question, make statements, rant. Do it her not with the alien.

If you plan on a letter writing campaign to your Wayward don't she wont respond well to your pleadings. If you do decide to right post it here first, proof it, harden it. Its always a good idea if you write something that you leave it there and walk away and when you come back and reread it should still make sense to you, otherwise trash i and rewrite it again.

DO NOT DO anything that enables her, I would insist on her coming to PHX with you, but subtle. If she stayed home by herself her mind would wonder. Take her with you but PLAN A her, no R talk, just be a good husband

Take Care My Friend

BIC - I hope you are sleeping in your bed - do not let her push you out of your bed!!!!

Tell the lawyer to get RO paperwork or custody paperwork ready to file. She threatened, you do. No threats. That w/b warning the WS.

File with the reasons she tried to use against you. It will mean you say she is not fit. Right now as a WS, she is not a fit mother or W. Suicidal? That is what a WS c/b. So she isn't talking about you, she is talking about herself just using your name. Don't be fooled.

Be prepared.

L.

Thank you all for helpig get through this.

I am sleeping in my bed, she is sleeping on a air mattress in the other room. I got a good 6 hours sleep last night because I did not let her get to me. I tried to reason with her but that did not work.

As for the trip to PHX I am sure she will go. I really wnat her there and not the alien eating her brain. But I will be nice and kind to her and make as much GOOD love deposits that I can get in on the trip. I just need to let my family know to treat her with respect and love also. Her family has cut me out I don't want my family to cut her out.

I guess I am ready for what it coming next. Just have no idea what she is pulling today while I am at work. We see the MC tonight. I hope it goes at least ok and she calms her a little.

Keeping a happy strong face and staying in the house. I Do not want a divorce, this will work out. I just need to cut down on the advesarial talk. I do it nicely but sometimes it comes out backwards.

Got to keep my wits alive

Ron

Talk about another weird change in the WW. Last night she ws nice and polite at the MC office. She told the MC that she was going to give this marriage a try and not file for divorce. She actually went home and was nice to me and we talked like we are getting along. We also talked about how to make the room that she was staying in more comfortable getting a real mattress instead of the air bed.

Then I noticed that she was not wearing her wedding ring. Did not mention it to her. She was wearing it the night before. Then about 11pm she came into our bedroom got her "TOY" and took it to her bedroom. Lied to me and told me she was cold and needed another shirt from the drawer. But I could hear the vibration noise coming from the room. Air mattresses do that.

So I am being nice and providing her with the conversation that I hope she needs. Depositing in the love bank.

I have a few questions: Is this another tactic? Is it that she is now back in contact with the OM? Should I ask her about the "TOY" or just drop it. I mean we are not sleeping in the same room and she still will not kiss me. The kids asked her to go to Phx with us next week. So I think that is a reason for the change. The kids are getting to her about the marriage/divorce and daddy not being there.

Thanks for the input I missed you people yesterday.

Ron

What is she saying to her creepy friends on the internet? Do you know?

So she was lying about the RO and filing for divorce?

She is talking about how bad she has it and doen't love me and using the UPH code. I do not know what this means but that is how she refers to me to them. Do you know what UPH is? She also tels them the things that I am doing and giving her the advice that she would be better off without me and the kids will be just fine. Not sure what turned her around last night, to at least talk to me nicely.

Yes she lied about all the stuff. I read it all online that is what she was telling the creepy friends. She used the terms today I filed and got an RO on him. But that turned out false and now that I am not buying into it and told her that I put a retainer down on a Attorney and talked to her for over 2 hours.

She is sweet as can be but still a little on the cold side.

Thank you
Ron

Unbelievable
Phreaking
Husband

I guess that UPH can be either positive or negative. But I would bet that she uses it in the negative when refering to me.

She also asked me last night to separate her cell phone from the main account. Just another way she can hide things with out me knowing the numbers that she is calling. I will stall this for as long as I can. I hate the fact that she still is in the hiding mode from me.

My lawyer also suggested that I stop looking at what she is doing on the computer for a little while. I am not reading the emails and chat discussions anymore but I am looking to see who is emailing her. I have not seen the OM yet. I do stress the YET!

If I am not looking all the time to see what she is doing it keeps my stress level down so I do not get worked up and emotional.

I am going to take this day by day and keep the diary going as to what is happening when.

Hoping that this is a turn around for her and that she is starting to see the light. But I am keeping my eyes open for the signs that she is still doing things and covering them up.

Ron

So here we are living in the same house in different bedrooms. When is the right time to invite her back into our bed? How will I know?

It has only been a week since we went to separate rooms, but I would like to have her back next to me in bed. Should I wait until I can build up my love account. or will the WW just join me on her own.

Thanks
Ron

Ask her to come back into your bed now. And I disagree with the advice you received about not snooping, you need to know what she is doing so you can protect yourself from her machinations.

Has she stopped carrying on her affair right in front of you?


I would explain to her that you have no reason to do this and will leave it on the main account so you can check the calls.

betrayed,

You're not alone. You haven't been abandoned. We're with you to get through this.

Do you have a personal e-mail?

I asked her to join me in bed last night. But she replied that she is ok in the other room. Then she went and got her TOY after she thought I was asleep. It kind of hurts that she would do that. It has been over a month now since we were intimate. Just before the D-Day. I am not going to ask her about it, but I will ask her about how she slept last night.

As for the cell phone.. I am just going to stall on this one. I am working today and tomorrow and then have cubs scouts on Saturday and leaving for Phx on Sunday. Then T-giving, and hopefully it will blow over by then.

As for the OM I have been busy the last few days and haven't had the time to go through the keylogger. It emails them to me once an hour, plus all her emails that go in and out. I will check it out tonight. I am just not going to read indepth. I will jsut scan for the OM emails.

Thanks for the advice.

Thank you. I realize that. I think this is the best site for marriage ever. Thank you all for providing the insight into the books that those of us in a stressful situation forget sometime.

She is being awful nice to me. Or at least she was yesterday, not sure what I will go home to today.

I have posted an email address, but at work I can not check non company email. Someting about virus on the network. Hmm

The affair has stopped right in front of me. Now she hides her computer in her room and only is online when I am not in the house, or I am asleep upstairs. I don't believe that the OM is still writing but I am concerned about the hiding that is still going on and the fact that she wants a separate cell phone account. I am not even sure that she did not take pictures of what she was doing last night. I guess I will have to be on the outlook for those also.

What is next..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Take the batteries out of her toy...maybe she'll return to your bed sooner <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />