Wish me luck I am off to See my family in the morning. I will be away from my computer for a few days which means she will also be away from hers for a few days.

Long quiet trip is what I predict. But I will work on my communication small talk. Time away with the kids might be good for her fog and anger

Thanks

Actually, when my then WW came home, she was really pissed that I wanted to sleep in the same bed. So for 1 night I slept in my office. The next day I thought WTF am I doing? I was not the one that had an affair. So the next morning I told her I intended on sleeping in our bed from that night. If she didn't want to be in bed with me she could sleep elsewhere. So she slept in the study. That lasted 1 night and she was back in our bed. Electric fence down the middle LOL. Point being, it's your bed too. If she won't share it with you, she leaves and sleeps elsewhere.

Well I am back from the trip to my family's house. She was of course the cold person that I expected her to be. She put on the good face for my parents and then as soon as we left them she was cold and did not talk to me. Which is OK I did not talk to her anyway.

I found out that the paperwork is ready but she is not going to file until after Christmas. FOR THE KIDS! Or that is what she is telling those online croons from another website that are telling her to leave me.

She is out right now buying a new air mattress because the one that she has is leaking. I did not offer to buy it, but I did offer to go with her. She of course refuse.

The way she talks about me with her friends really hurts. " I have to put on a happy face for his F***ing family. I would not be there if is wasn't for the kids. I would rather sleep on the floor then with that [email]A@@hole.[/email]

So I am not sure what to do here. I am keeping up the 180 and trying slight EN. But not too much. She would not talk to me all the way to/from my parents. Just sat there staring out the window. I have about a month to be my best and win her back over. But those woman are not helping. I need some support and what to do. If the paperwork is filed in Jan 07, I am sure that she will have me out shortly after that.

Should I buy her a Christmas present? Maybe a gift card session on MB conselling?

Seeing my MC alone next week. Thought for sure that she was going to have me served the way she did not want to go to the session. Is there anything that I should have the MC help me with? Not sure that she will but I have a hour to talk all alone.

Thank for the help
BIC

hey BIC my email is bobbym77@yahoo.com, drop me a line in email or Yahoo instant messengers, i have a few questions...

Best of Luck

Just found out that the WW is sending snail mail to the OM. She sent the first one the other day. So far he has not written back. Not sure if she has a PO box or not. But she bought 10 international stamps and plans on sending him 10 letters. I sure hope that he keeps up his end of the deal and does not write her back. I also found out that he is dating someone.

Don't get her MB counseling for Christmas. Get her something nice.

In the meantime, what are you doing to take care of YOU? It can't be pleasant being around your wife.

Nice?

I am doing what I can exercise spending time with the kids and hangin out with friends and talking with family.

No it is not nice to be around her

Ok I am confused. Today she got out of bed and walked around all morning with her Football jersey on. No shorts, just underwear. She sat around the house in this until lunch time.

She even started talking to me. But I was giving her the reverse babble and the 180. I gave short answers and sometimes even ignored her. As that is the way she treated me all weekend at my parents.

She still is in her own room but why flaunt her body?

Confused BS, wondering what the WW is up to now

R

Your RB and 180 are good tools. If the view is making you weak, refocus. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

She c/b testing you.

L.

I tried not to look. I even took the vacuum cleaner apart. Told her I thought the belt was loose and needed to check it. I was cleaning the house a little and it has a funny smell.

Now she wants to know what my plans were for Christmas. I told her that I was planning on doing what we do every year. Christmas here and then go to her moms house. That is if I am still welcome in MIL house. I asked her if I should call and check and she said that she would.

But then again she is so full of lies I am not sure what she is telling her. She told all the online people that she is chatting with that she won money at the race track (my Step dad gave us a tour he works there) No-one won money. She even is making up names of horses to tell her OM.

The lies and more lies. When do they stop the lies? Will she ever be honest?

Thanks
R

Call your in-laws, let them know about her 'winnings' and ask about their Christmas plans. Say with all that has been going on, you were wondering.

L.

Thanks I will call to see what are the plans and if I am still invited.

The 180 must be working. She asked me just now how come I look like I do not care anymore. I told her I cared but I thought this is what she wanted. Doesn't want me to crowd her or be clingy. So I am giving her what she wants. I told her I have to get my feelings together about her. She said that my words do not match my actions. I say I want to stay together but act like I am distancing myself. Isn't this what the plan A 180 is all about?

More fun on Thanksgiving

I would keep very busy. Also give her compliments and admiration. It sounds like she is missing that. But I wouldn't dwell on them. Tell her she is beautiful, and then go somewhere with the kids.

I have been doing that. I tell her every day how good she looks in her clothes. She is loosing weight so I compliment her on that if she is wearing loose clothes.

I used to tell her I loved her but she doesn't want to hear that anymore.

I hope that she is lying to her online people about filing after the first of the year. She told the MC she was not going to YET and give it time to repair. She also is telling her online woman that her mom is paying for the lawyer for Christmas. Not sure who to believe, but I am reading above comments to her online woman. She tells me and the MC one thing and then tells the online woman something else.

The way she is acting I think that she is waiting to file and lying to me and the MC. But I don't know for sure.

Confused BS playing the waiting game
R

If you live in California, and she does file, it will take many months if you don't agree. Plus it can be very expensive. The retainer only covers filing, then there are court dates, family counseling, and on and on.

Hopefully she will snap out of it by then.

I know it can take months and be expensive. But I do not want to go so far in debt because of this that I can not get out for years. I have my lawyer and it cost lots of money already and I have only talked to her for a couple hours. My lawyer says that we are not ready for divorce and she thinks that we can work it out. But WW lawyer (according to her online post) has drawn up the paperwork already. She is calling him on Monday.

I am hoping that MIL will not fund the entire divorce. That would devastate me financially.

I know I need to stall along the way. Need to work on my love bank deposits to see if she can change her mind. Not sure if I am doing the right thing with the 180 tactics. But I will keep it up it seems to have an affect.


r

I live in Oceanside - maybe near you.

Is there NC between your wife and the OM?

Does your wife work outside the home?

betray... the only thing I can say is that she is lieing to the OM and other online people and lieing to you that you have the choice to stay until she stops lieing. My WW lies to everyone, including herself - no joke. So the fake friends and the OM once they get bit a few times by her they will stop believing her... you have the choice to know she lies and stay until you see that change or you decide it wont

there is NC between her and OM as far as I can since I contacted him. He agreed that she has lied to him and that he will not contact her anymore. This is what pushed her over the edge the last time and cause her to get a lawyer. It has only been one week since that time. She doesn't seem as angry this week as she did last. But she is making attempts to contact OM. I know she sent him emails and snail mails and he has not replied YET! Doesn't mean he won't. I heard that he has a new girl friend.

But she is at least speaking to me somewhat today.

R

This is a very blantant "in-your-face" attitude your wife is demonstrating. She is angry at you and wants to hurt you with the affair by flaunting it right in front of you.

Most affairs are kept very secretive and underground, its part of the allure. But your wife wants you to know. Its a statement she's making and the message is intended for and sent to you.

JMVHO, thought you should take this into account when you plan your strategy.