Are you saying that she is crying out and wants me to know. Maybe so I will pay more attention. Or is it hey I am going to do this and you can't do a thing to stop it.

Not sure what kind of strategy I need to take for this in your face stuff.

r

Read Res' post again. She continued by saying the WS wants to hurt you. Something your real W would not have done, right?

So what r u t/d? Protect yourself. Distance yourself. Take care of yourself. Realize you can't teach or help a WS.

Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience. When she starts coming around, you are gonna need it because she will stress test every bone in your body.....and NOT in a good way.

Be prepared.

L.

I think your Plan A strategy should be to try and meet her most important emotional needs, of course. But, I'd also contemplate why she's angry enough to want to hurt you by flaunting her affair in front of you.

Perhaps it's to garner your attention which may have been missing pre-affair. Or perhaps its for other reasons. But by your account of her behavior, she hasn't tried to hide it, quite the contrary. And THAT is a statement directed at you.

BIC,

I have a couple questions.

On a scale from 1 - 10 (10 highest), where would you gauge your respect for your wife?

And then second question. On that same scale, where would you say your wife's respect for you would be?

Jo

I am sort of getting this. The flaunting to is hurt me and call out for something that was missing.

I have been nice to her today. Fixed her computer (after I shut down her network but she doesn't know that), made the turkey (deep fried Yummy), thanked her for dinner, and fixed the vacuum. Lots of domestic there. I have done a lot of talking today and she is talking back nicely. About kids and Christmas. She is actually smiling right now instead of that distance stare. Keeping my eyes open to see if this is a trick or not.

thanks for helping and pointing things out that I have missed.

Right now she is chatting with her online woman divorce support group. Or her Friends!!
r

Shoot, The OM just contacted WW in MSN chat!! I guess he doesnt keep up his end of the word. I am not sure that writing him again would help. Now what direction to take. I am doing the 180 and she is happy because OM is talking to her again.

Here is a snippit from her chat starts with her:
so... I think we're gonna stay together till after Christmas... cuz of the kids
well of course together is a relative term... I mean we're not together now
right
separate rooms and everything
but i think I can tolerate it for the sake of the kidsright
and binks will be here... and then Holly will be here
so something to look forward to anyway
ok... I should get back to cooking I guess
lol
woooooahhhh
I just got a message from J
OMG
OMG
just said thanks for the letter and happy thanksgiving
so that's good... right?
OMG... he's on MSN
OMG>..
I am
lol


Crap I am soooo Po'd right now

You know you have a WS in the house right? That means she will do many things to pizz u off.

When you regain your composure (re: those d/ds have a way of knocking the BS for a loop), ask her where do the divorce friends get their info? Don't give her any options, let her tell you. You may have to wait a while (days or even weeks) for her to respond but it may have her thinking and that's a good thing.

Stratagize.

L.

Hmm... why would you believe that someone that had an A with your W could be trusted?

You can capture the entire chat if you enable the message history option. Tools..Options..General - look for the "automatically keep a history of my conversations" checkbox.

1. I would say a 5. DO to the lies

2 With the converstaions that she has with her friends 2

Why?

R

They are all going by personal experience on the divorce thing. But I will ask her.

Oh I didn't think the NC with the OM would last. But I read that he had another GF and might be sleeping with her. Wife chatting with another. It just seems funny to me that when the WW wrote him and told him that she won money, he wrote back. She has already sent him $300 that I know of. So more money in his future and he writes back. Wonder why he is keeping the EA up? Using her and all the other divorce woman that my wife chats with for the money.

No I can't get both sides of the chat. She is now hiding her computer. Today she went shopping and took it with her to keep it from me.

Staying strong and having fun with children today

R

She is such a liar. Now she is telling all her online people that she made a homemade pumpkin pie. Yes if the grocery store is homemade? Plus she is talking about buying a house with her sister. Her sister is married? Why would she buy a house with her? Man the lies she tells these people just keep building and building. When will the bubble burst? How can I expose the lies to these friends? They all ready think that I am the bad guy so they won't believe me anyway.

Lies lies and more lies. Can't wait to see what comes around the corner next.

R

At least she is telling them that things are getting better here for her. She is telling them that I am accepting what is about to happen (divorce). No I hate to tell her but things are improving because I am doing a plan A 180. I am getting myself ready and building a few love banks deposits in the mean time. Hey she told them she bought me a Christmas present. After telling then the other day that she wasn't. I am just the UPH to her.

Tonight I am POUTING according to her because she TOLD ME (ask from what I remember) that she was DOING movie chat and if I didn't like it I could go upstairs to watch TV.
I told her I wanted to watch Basketball and I know she does not like it and I told her I would let her have the Main TV and I would watch upstairs. Boy how the stories are different online to her "friends"

I am glad that I can see the affect of what I am doing. Two weeks on plan A and one on 180 and she can already tell that I am different and she likes it. Or so she is telling her "friends"

Just wish I knew which lies were true and which one are false. Or I will take them all as false?

Thanks for all the help keep it up
R

Why haven't you locked down your wireless router security by password protecting it so she can't get on the internet?

I change the password every day to throw her for a loop. tell her that I think the router is failing. That way when I go to work and it "fails" she will not be able to ignore the children all day and chat.

I am currently working on blocking sites with out the router telling her that it was blocked. Make it look like the site is down.

r

Boy thrown for a loop again. This morning she asked me what night I have off next week. I told her all but Cub Scout night . She suggested that her mom watch the kids so we can go out to dinner alone? I didn't ask she did. Going to have to be on my best behavior for this. That is if she is not doing it to push my buttons and irk me again.

Kind of surprised me. Another alien being Yikes!!

Any advice on what to talk about? I know not the problems, and make it like a first date.

Plan A with a 180 must be driving her nuts. But I have to keep in mind the OM is back in contact, I have only seen one email from him. But that doesn't mean that there isn't more. Plus she snail mailed him with her Moms address.

r

Gosh, you're a smart guy!

~ Marsh

Marsh,
Thanks I think it as being sly without being seen as the bad guy. It is easier to blame it in the router then tell her what I am up to. Got to protect my kids when I am not at home. And if the addict can't get her FIX online, she has to do something else...like clean the house and watch the kids and fix them dinner. I don't mean a box a Mac-n-cheese.

r

Morning BIC,

I asked about the respect thing because being on this board for so long its become my observation that cheating wives who don't respect their husbands may behave as your wife, IOW not hiding any of her adultery actvities. But instead, rubbing your nose in it.

I'm sorry if this sounds blunt and if it hurts you. I think its important you understand the dynamics of your wife's behavior and why she is so blatant with her bad choices targeted to hurt you.

Also, you might start thinking about removing the computer from your home alltogether. Your wife's attachment to not only the OM, but to complete strangers (chat folks) across the internet is an addiction in of itself, and is dangerous to your family in general. Who knows how much personal or ID sensitive information she has shared with complete strangers, some of them with questionable motives. And I haven't even started with how its of danger to your children.

Jo

Yes, you are playing this perfectly. Your plan is brillant!

The less time she is in La La land the more time she will be spending in the real world.

And heck yeah, taking care of her family should be her top priority.

~ Marsh

PS: LOL @ your WW's idea of making a pumpkin pie from scratch.

One time I was talking to my sister and she told me she was making hamburgers from scratch.

And I thought, Wow! And asked her, "Did you get a meat grinder, buy some choice steak and make your own hamburger meat?"

She replied in a very sheepish voice, "Ummmmm, no, instead of buying the paddies already made, I bought a package of hamburger meat and formed my own."

LMAO!

Amen.