Ok what is going on now. Seems how all along MB has informed me of what stage I am in I am wondering what is going on now.

First she started cleaning the house again. Hasn't done anything with the house since D-day. She is talking to me, not all the time but in a friendly sort of way. She is actually saying hello to me and asking me how my day went. Passing on information about the children. No hugging except when I hug her (I have hugged her twice since I confronted the lies) and then I only get the one arm hugs from her. No kissing or hugging from her to me. She is making dinner for the kids and myself, she is eating, (she didn't eat much since D-day).

Still no phone calls from her during the day(normal), she is still sleeping in her own room, she is not on the computer when I am around, but still is at night. She is not wearing the makeup and curling her hair like before. Still not wearing her wedding rings. She actually talked about taking this summer off work to be with the kids. Means someone is going to have to pay the bills.

So what do you think is going on now? I am working on showing her that I am ok on my own, Dance lessons, not being home all the time, doing things with out her and having fun with the kids. Just smiling and joking all the time. No more crying, weaping, clingy stuff from before. showing her some EN. admiration and conversation mostly

So what is next? Is this a sign that she has also given up and is going to file or she is coming out slowly and accepting me again?

Confused again by the actions

What is she saying to her silly friends?

Nothing, she has stopped talking about the M, D and OM to them since the lie confrontation. I am not getting the information that I use to get. She seems to have stopped complaining to them about the things that I am doing. She is just talking normal things, like the new movies that are coming out, Christmas type chats. But nothing that would hint that she is proceeding with anything or talking about the OM. It is kind of weird. She also found a Trojan (or so she says) on her Harddrive and removed it. I am not sure if that trojan was anything or she just formatted her hard drive. I have not checked yesterdays, or todays keylogger yet. I do not like to look everyday it drives me nuts. I will see later today when I get home if there is any new information or she found and removed the keylogger. Can't get to it from work.

Input?
Thanks

Well, it may be too soon to tell, but she may be coming around and warming up to you! Maybe your Plan A is working. I think it was a great thing that you confronted with her with her lies, though. It gave her an excuse to drop them and make her suspicious of her friends. She is now scared to tell them anything negative because she doesn't know which one betrayed her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think your best strategy now is to continue your Plan A and work on making yourself as attractive as possible. When the time is right, you could seduce her with the goal of getting her back into your bed. Work on that, ok?

Do you think she would take the emotional needs questionaire?

Could she put a keylogger on your computer? Is there anyway she can get on your computer and find this website and read your posts?

I am working on that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am wearing better clothes all the time now, limit the T-shirts and jeans (my favorites). Plus am growing my hair (what is left) out a little, She said she never liked the short buzz cuts. I am wearing colonge a lot, plus always ironing my shirts. I am presenting myself better and smiling a lot and laughing saying please and thank you. Kind of like we were dating again.


I had asked her this before and she said no because I would not like her answers. I will ask her again if she could fill it out for me. That way I will kow which needs are important to her. Should I do mine first and give it to her?

I have thought about this. I have looked on my computer but did not find a key logger. But they are hard to detect. I have also had it password protected from the BIOS for a while. She might have but I doubt it.

I have not told her about MB site, but Divorce busting. Similar topics and ways to handle spouse. I am also on there but not as often as the site is not as active. So she would have to stumble across this site. She does know that I am reading Dr Harley books. So a simple google search would bring up this site.

Why do you ask?

Tell her that you will like her answers if they are truthful, because you only want what is best for the marriage. Yes, if I were you, I would take one too and give it to her. It will be interesting to see what hers says!

I was concerned about the keylogger because if I were her, I would be spying like he11 to try and find out what you are doing. And if she has access to your computer all day.......

Well it appears that WW found the key logger on her computer and removed it. Oh well I guess I will have to figure a way to get it back.
I am scanning mine with a different program, but I do not think that I have one. Because by the time she would think about it I had already password protected mine in more then one way. Plus passwords are really not very obvious and I change them on a daily basis.

Thank you I will take the survey and give it to her and see if WW will take hers so I can share it.

I guess I should have checked before. Found a program called PC detective on my laptop. Hmmm wonder who put that there? It is removed now but I am wondering if I am going to have to change my name on here and move my story? What do you think?

I have some suggestions but i am afraid to post them here.

If you give me a IM or a call I'll talk to ya about it later.

You got my #

WW did not tell the MC about confronting her with the lies but she did mention other things that I should do:
1. Stop Touching her as she does not like it right now (makes her feel uncomfortable)
2. Stop Asking probing questions, I tend to ask her over and over where she is going and what she is doing to see if she changes her story.
3. Stop pushing her so hard and fast, and I need to slow down on things.
4. Stop trying to be right at everything, I should not always get my way.
5. I am to always ask before touching, and not get mad when she says no.
6. Stop telling her that I love her.


Then she got mad at me when I told the counsellor this: Next week is my B-day. WW told me that she was taking the kids to her Nephews HS band concert, so I could have some time to myself. I said great take the kid on my b-day. She replied oh I forgot that was your b-day, you can go if you want. I said sure I will go. Then she told the counsellor that they are going to play Happy B-day to me as a surprise, (which when we left was they might play). She got mad that I brought this up in the session. The MC told her that this is where we should bring things out, and we need to work on talking more in the house.
I told the MC that I am tired of dealing with her putting the guilt on me. She replied that she knows that we both need to work on this and that we are both at fault.

On the way home I again asked her to fill out the EN questionaire and she refused.

I guess just keep the plan A up and slow down a little with everything. Maybe even go back to the 180 for a little bit.

Oh well all is good I think. One small step at a time.

Yesterday was my birthday and WW actually got me a present and took me out to dinner. She paid <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

WW has been nice to me lately, but did probe me a little bit on Friday and Saturday into argueing with her. I did a little on Friday but Saturday I just left. Tried to babble with her on Friday but she kept probing until she got the better of me and I started in. Did not yell but did tell her that I do not trust her. Because that is how it started with a question of "What are you going to do to me next?" I told her that I am not doing anything she is. Then this just started her off. WW then stated the "she could not TRUST me" this set me off with a I can't trust her either not with the money (she was hiding at her moms house), not with the credit cards (she sent the OM money), not with who/what she talks about on the internet, and not going to conventions (this is where she met the OM).

Since then she has been relatively nice to me. Talks to me in a nice tone, cooks dinner for me and the kids, and seems to be a little happy. Wish I could say the same. I enjoy being with the kids but as for WW... well I kind of wonder what she is going to do in Jan. Is the D-papers coming or not? I guess I will wait and see.

Having a better time with the kids

Is it normal for the WW to be nice before the Holidays? Mine is being really nice lately and I am confused as to why.

Maybe she is not getting the reaction from her online harpies that she was getting before. Maybe it is the NC with the OM has been working since she found out he was dating another. Maybe it is because I told her honestly everything, including the spyware.

I have bought her flowers, made her breakfast, got up first and made her a cup of coffee, bought her chocolates, and just overall been very nice to her also. Showed up at the kids school for their Christmas play. Not being a doormat but working on those love bank deposits.

Just wondering if this is normal for the WW in a plan A around the holidays to act?

Thanks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It sounds like you plan A is working. I tell you something that I have noticed in my situation. As you start winning the battle you get more W and less WW. At the beginning it was about 90% WW and 10% W. Now I'm up to about 60% W and 40% WW. Keep track of this. If you keep getting more and more, W you are on track. If something happens and you start getting more WW, you are either LBing or NC has probably been broken. Keep up the good work. It seems like it is having some effect.

So it appears that this is what is happening, she is starting to become more the w and less the ww? I will have to pay attention to her actions and track the status of the w and ww. Currently I would say that we are about 2% w and 98%WW. Hopefully it will improve.

But I am still cautious as she has talked to her harpies online about filing D in Jan. I guess it is a wait and see on that. But then again I can't believe anything that I hear and less the 50% of what I see.

Thank you and I hope things improve for you also.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Wow I am wondering if there is some hormone thing going on with her. Moody again today. Didn't start anything with me, but also didn't show any signs of being happy like the last few days.

It could be that the kids woke us up this morning at 5am and she didn't sleep much the night before (stayed up until 2am on the internet and got up early). Or it could be that this is the time she is going to have to make the decision about the marriage. She told her online harpies that she was going to file after Christmas (for the kids)

Anyway she treated me ambivalent today. She would not sit on the same couch with me at her moms house. When I would sit next to her on the couch she would move. All her sisters were sitting with their husbands. She did sit next to me at dinner when her sisters moved so I could sit there. They all know what is going on, and some of them noticed this as they talked to me. But they are tired of her lying about everthing and told her before, so they won't talk to her about it.

I am not sure if this is normal behavior or if she is on one of those "moods' again. I guess I will wait and see what goes on in the morning.

I will be going to see a IC for my first appt. He comes well recommended, from others that I have talked to. Not sure what we are going to talk about but at least I can talk with him to get my head on straight.

Wish I could see some signs about our future. But it is getting harder and harder to do a plan A when she keeps withdrawing from my Love bank. I have deposited lots into her bank, or so I assume I have. Lately I have got her flowers, went out and got her coffee (this morning at starbucks), bought her a nice sweater, talking nice to her, lots of good conversations, picking up after the kids, showing her I do stuff on my own, making dinner. But each day it is getting harder and harder.

Thank you again for letting me vent this off.
I appreciate all your help.
[color:"red"] Happy Holidays [/color]

Why don't you ask her what the issue is? Tell her you have noticed her withdrawn, moody behavior and you can't help but wonder what is up? Also, bring up her statements to her SIL (?) that she was going to file for divorce after Xmas. Ask her what her plans on for the marriage. Ask her what she intends on doing to repair the damage from her affair and her internet addiction.

You know, your W has an internet addiction that is ruining your marriage, doesn't she?

Yes she does have a addiction. But I am not sure she knows, because when I bring it up all she does is say that I don't want her to have friends on the internet. That I am trying to keep her from her friends, and I am controlling her.

The IC said the same things that is being said here. That he will help me not be the doormat, make me strong, work on my self. Because a strong self will help me through this whether it works out or not. That a strong person can get through the pain, and he sees that I am in pain. He is going to work on my self image and the things that I think are my problems.

You forgot to mention you made california rolls <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Merry Christmas!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />