Yes I forgot making the California Rolls for her. Which she enjoyed. Tonight I am making French Dips. Yummy!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Last night I got a heating pad for her back, she is having cramps (that time of month)

She hasn't probed me for a fight for a few days, I guess I will just wait for January to see what is going to happen.

Have a great New Year!

Well got back from the MC tonight and seems that we are stagnant. Or that is what the MC said and wants us to work on making things better. Ask the WW how she felt and she said less tense and better. I told the MC that I would like to see some movement at least a little to getting back together. Maybe move her tooth brush back in to the Master bath. The MC pointed out that we are currently on a train track, I'm on one rail and the wife on the other. We are not at a point yet that the tracks will cross. Some time later the tracks may come together but now the WW is keeping her distance.

WW told the MC that in her IC is working on her Self esteem. She was a SAHM for so long (8 years) that she forgot who she was and needs to find that out.

I told the MC that my IC is working on making me stronger, working on my values, my communication, and my relationship with God. Told her that I need to some inner strength to deal with what is going on.

The MC told us that it appears and she sensed that there is less tension between us. This is all going to take some time.

I told WW in the MC that my door was always open if she ever wants to join me in bed, watch TV in bed with me, or just talk in bed. I knew that the physicalness was going to be up to WW, to initiate. But when?

The problem I see is how much time? How long do I need to wait on this path. It is her move, how long until she starts to show a closeness to me. Maybe never?

OK BIC - haven't been keeping up. How long have you been sleeping separately? Is she in NC with OM? Are you sure of NC?

How long?

Maybe six months?

Don't push recovery, just let it happen. It will go much faster if you just stay out of the way. Think how much better things are going for you right now. She has NC with OM, and she is going to MC with you. That's a heck of a lot better than the divorce papers you were expecting. Let her come back on her timetable. Yeah, it sucks, but it is your best shot at recovery. Just enforce marital boundaries like secrecy and contact with OM.

I asked my WW several times to come back to bed with me, and each time she said no way, and slept in the guest bed. Well, after about five days of not asking, I woke up in the middle of the night and she was in bed with me. She hasn't left since.

She'll come back on her timeframe. Just get out of the way.

Nice to see you back. Well she moved to the guest bedroom in Nov. This weekend WW moved everything out of our bathroom and into the guest room. She uses the kids bathroom now and has since Nov. She said she moved the stuff so I could clean the sink. Most of her clothes are still in the Master Bedroom closet, but she does keep some in the guest room.



I have not seen any traffic from the OM in over a month. That was until she discovered the keylogger and removed it. I am pretty postitive about NC as the last I heard was he was dating another woman from the online site that she met him on. Hmm go figure <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am trying not to push and just let it happen. I am just an impatient person. Working on this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
WW told the MC last night that she is feeling less pressure around the house from me. WW also told the MC that she thinks that we do not need the MC any more. As we are both in IC. I told MC that I still want to come as WW does not open up and discuss things with me when we are at home, but she does bring things up in MC. So we are still going but just not as often. Not weekly but every other week.

Seeing my IC today. Not sure what he is going to talk about but he has a plan for the thing that I told him that I want to work on.

Does you WW say there is NC?

Yes, WW has told me that she has tried to write to him but he does not respond. She did this a couple times in Nov (I contacted him on Nov 11) and he did not contact her so WW said that she does not write the @$$hole anymore. Then WW found out that he is going out with another of her "online friends"
Fitting isn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

so, there is NC since the times she tried to write him since November. I would ask her if she has tried to contact him any more. Also, I would ask her if she has any plans of contacting him in the future.

WW has said that she is done with him, and that she found out what kind of person he really is. (dating another).

I have not asked if she has tried to contact him again since WW said the last. I do not know about the future.

I wouldn't push her too much right now. Now that you are the only man meeting her ENs, just keep it up and keep your needs out of the way. After a couple of months of love bank deposits from only you and very few withdrawal, you will see the wall slowly start to come down, as she desires even more needs to be met that cannot be met as long as the wall is up. Keep working on that wall brick by brick.

[quoteWW has said that she is done with him, and that she found out what kind of person he really is. (dating another).

[/quote]

So she'd dump somone for cheating on her because he's a bad person for cheating on her? Funny. I wonder what she thinks of herself for cheating on you?

According to the WW she has not cheated on me. She does not think that EA is cheating. They were just friends, and that she was sending pictures and money for a friend.

I have not even tried to win that argument with her. Even the MC gave up on that one.

Working on getting better, at least that is what I am doing. Not sure what she is up to yet.

BIC - OK

How are you doing on the 15 hours a week? Have you done the EN's questionaire? Are you trying to meet her most important EN's?

She is possibly still in withdrawal.

Not quite at 15 hours a week of QUALITY time. I would say we are at around 8. The kids go to bed at 830pm and she tends to go to bed at 9pm. This she claims is because she is tired but I believe that she chats with her harpies for a couple hours. I have told her that she can not do it in front of the kids and I.


WW refuses to do the EN questionaire. So I have done the best that I could to figure those out and work on what I think her most important EN are. I have asked at least three times and the last time she said that she did not want to fill it out and the MC told me to stop asking.


This is what others on MB think. I could go with that she is in withdrawl. But not sure if that is the only thing that is wrong.
She said something to one of her Online harpie a while back and said that she might just stay this way until I find someone else or the kids get old enough to move out. The kids are at least 10 years away from that. Long time to do this separate bedroom roommate living arrangement.

Thanks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

If she does want to argue that again, then ask her why she is pissed that OM is now with one of her other online "harpies" since they were just "friends."

BIC - Honestly, for now, as long as you are sure there is NC, try and meet her needs - ie continue in Plan A for now. I understand this is very difficult for you.

When my wife returned home, she did not want to share a bed with me either. To avoid a fight, that first night I slept in my office on a mattress on the floor. The next day I told her if she didn't want to sleep with me she could make her own arrangements but I was going to sleep in my bed. So she slept on the floor - lasted 1 night.

It's a bit cozy for her having her own ben in another room.

She is real comfortable in her little bedroom. Has a air mattress to sleep on, a computer (her laptop), a radio, her pleasure toys, and her alarm clock. She can talk on the internet and phone all night if she wants to. So as comfortable as she is I am not sure that she sees a benefit to coming back to our bed.

But I will give it time, and continue with plan A. I will also stop trying so hard. I need to back off a little bit, maybe some 180 again.

Thanks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hmmm....

Well, sounds like her room is a little TOO cozy to me. Time to make a trip in there sometime for a little work when she's not there.

Go over to the phone jack, unscrew it, open it up, and unhook all the wires inside from the posts. Tape them off, and close it back up. Make sure you draw a little picture of where they were before you remove them so you can put it back together sometime. So much for her own little phone for midnight conversations.

Similar plan for the internet in there... If it's a wired up internet connection, then disconnect wiring as needed to disable it. If she's accessing it on a wireless connection to a router, password the router and lock it down so that only specific IP addresses (of which her laptop will NOT be one of) can access the internet.

As far as her 'toys'...if they're battery operated, open them up and use a pair of wire cutters to reach in and snip a wire as needed to prevent their further operation.

Nothing like not having fun in your own little room! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


I don't have a quick solution for killing a wireless phone or 'aircard' connection for her laptop at the moment...short of shutting off service on those if you're paying for them.

Nothing like a little vindictive creativity to make for a fun weekend for yourself! Let us know how this goes for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Oh, and I forgot...about 10 or 15 small holes in her airmattress couldn't hurt either! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

But you might wait a day or two to do that one...just so she doesn't catch on right away that you're behind that. Maybe do one of each of these things over the next couple days...LOL.