okay... let's see you dress this piggy up. Dress and lipstick always helps in a situation like this.
Okay, I am done my rant..... sorry if I am jumping to conclusions.

And that too...

I have a right to say what I want... if you choose not to listen... that is your perogative. And Mimi...your advice on how I communicate goes in one ear and out the other.

You're funny, MEDC... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

What's this about dresses and lipstick???

Ok..I'm finished with my joking...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm working in Word...be here shortly...all would do well to wait...

Please...

Bozo...

Bo' Georgia:

I bet I already know what you are going to say.....

Unless you're going to say "Ann" was a contrived ploy to scare your ex into reconsidering I'm not sure what facts you may present that would chane the general outline...

Ann and I had a great time during this visit. The apartment I stayed in was much nicer than I expected…and every morning I worked form my desk looking out on the mountains.

Within just a few days of arriving there…me and her kids had become great friends. They both were very, very kind to me and we had some great times together. We had several family dinners (including me) along with the grandkids and I was treated by all just like one of the family. I spent time holding her gd (1 y.o.) and loving it. I read to the boys (4 y.o.) and loved it too.

I was invited to her D’s wedding last week….a family only wedding.

All the “obstacles” we expected just melted away.

However….. I could tell very quickly that Ann was “different”…seemed a bit nervous when I tried to bring up the M word. So…pretty early on she told me that she was really surprised, but she didn’t feel like she was ready to move on yet. She said she didn’t want to hurt me…but she was feeling like she really wasn’t over grieving the loss of her husband…and was really feeling uncomfortable being in such a serious relationship.

In the mean time…I got to observe her with her grandkids a lot. As you may (or may not) recall, the original plan was for me to live in Calif for a while, then we move back to Ga. I was watching her all this time thinking to myself that there was no way I could ask her to leave her grandkids AND her daughters. I just didn’t feel like she would be happy…even if she did agree to do so.

So…I spent a lot of time thinking about me living there. I can tell you…even though this GaGuy has spent a lot of his life as a FlGuy….the Bay area for the rest of my life ain’t my cup of tea.

Before this visit, she had spent a lot of time telling me about how she wanted to start a new life, move back to the south, get away from her late h’s legacy, etc…

But…what I observed didn’t support that. I saw a woman who is VERY happy in her environment. I saw absolutely nothing that indicates to me a desire to “start over”…as she had so often said.

We talked about that. In fact…she said she wasn’t really so sure she could leave…that the reality of thinking about REALLY doing it was a lot harder than she thought.

However…the last week everything really crashed. Her d’s wedding was Friday night. Her FIL (had the brain tumor..in Tenn..we went to visit him when she came to Ga…remember?) died Wednesday night. So, Wednesday night we talked…agreed to put our relationship on “hold” until we could have time without all these distractions to see what we should do. I told her that if she felt she needed to…she could give the ring back. She said she appreciated me understanding. We agree that “later” would be the time for such discussions.

Friday night we got back to her townhouse after the wedding about 10:00 PM. She, her #1D, the #2D and her new H all caught a flight out of SFO on Saturday morning at 7:00 AM. I left at 9:00 and drove to Flagstaff for the night.

I told her that I would use this trip home to pray about our relationship and digest all that was going on. She told me she would be in touch when she gets back.

Sunday morning (yesterday) I e-mailed her close friend (the elderly friend who has been her advisor through this whole thing). Her and her husband and I have gotten to be super close friends…

Here is what I wrote her yesterday morning, before hearing from xW:

Thank you for your kind words. I have spent a lot of today thinking about our relationship. I must consciously put God first in my life and thoughts or I get really depressed about this. I don't know where Ann is going to end up on this..but I wouldn't be real surprised if I've seen her for the last time. She asked me to be patient with her...and I will. But..I'm having to really lower my expectations to keep from being too hurt. Unless something changes...and it may...she needs (or wants at least) a (late husband) clone who can step into her current life and just carry on. Perhaps I'm being a bit cynical. However, the Ann I've seen for the past month isn't the one who told me she wanted to get away from being Mrs. xxx, start over where no one knew her, get back East where she could have some horses, love again and be loved again...etc....Perhaps she's realized the price to be paid (moving outside her comfort zone) is too great.

Anyway…so that’s where it was yesterday before the conversation last night…..

And...I want to add....

the one convo with xW last night would, for me, be very, very foolish to "run" back to her. I'm not sure I'm not being played like a cheap fiddle...(as they say).

So...am I dung in xW's eyes until she thinks another woman wants me????

And...is she just lonesome (and broke)..or does she want ME back?

All these questions are very, very legitimate...

It is way premature to say where this is going...

But...these are the FACTS as I knw them right now...

Nothing personal, but after reading the above... the rest of this story looks like dressing up the piggy. If you could't marry Ann because of what was in your story... why say it had to do with the ex WW?

What I AM going to do right now is....nothing.

I admire the way some folks here can make such life changing decisions on the spur of the moment..and never second guess themselves...

Pardon my rudeness, but I don't have the gift of making spur of the moment life changing decisions so quickly and easily.

Do you folks really do that in YOUR life?

Must be nice...

Gosh, I'm starting to agree with MEDC more and more each day! What is happening to me.

I do hope that Ann is not going to be hurt because your ex is changing her mind as you start moving on.

I really do see this differently..

I'm not here to knock anyone who doesn;t see it the way I do..

this is my honest opinion...

I can relate to Ann and to Georgia's wife...

Like me, they were with their Hs for a lifetime...30 years or so..since almost childhood...like me...

For Ann, Georgia is not the "LOVE OF HER LIFE..the FATHER of her children and he would be second best...

They could have a GOOD LIFE together but he would be second best, trying to FIT IN there...

For Georgia's wife, IMO, his move to California was like PLAN B for her..she missed him and realized that she had lost him...THE LOVE OF HER LIFE....

That's what happened with my H during PLAN B..when he felt that I was MOVING ON after the sale of our house...

My opinion...

I think Ann will be JUST FINE...

Georgia... you are going to get burned here. You got out of a bad situation with a bad wife... now you are going to consider getting back in....
I have no idea what you were asking me and why about people making spur of the moment decisions. I wasn't questioning that at all... I WAS questioning the validity of your new story based on your statement about how YOU could not marry Ann knowing your XW wanted you back. They were your words... not mine. They are the ones that have clouded up this whole story.
If you came on here and said... Ann is not wanting to get married and btw, my exw has expressed an interest in getting together again... you would have gotten a different response. Your original posts frankly made you sound like a jerk that was dumping Ann in order to go back to the cheater. And frankly, it all sounded... based on YOUR words, terribly unfair to Ann.

"Second-best" is less loving than I mean.

I mean a DIFFERENT kind of LOVE than she had for her deceased H..the kind of LOVE that Georgia's wife had for HIM...

Like for me, having been with my H since age 18, I KNOW that I will NEVER LOVE anyone else the SAME as I have loved him...

I believe that I can LOVE again...but it won't be like MY FIRST LOVE...

For both Ann and Georgia's wife, there were time periods when they were DEEPLY "IN LOVE" with their Hs...

These were not LONG-TERM UNHAPPY MARRIAGES....as far as I can tell...

First..I apologize to all for my shortness..

But, I'm afraid I don't see this as quite so black and white...like a decision to be made by "pros and cons".

yes...Mimi...maybe there is something to what you say. There is no doubt in my mind that Ann would make an EXCELLENT wife (Pro. 31). But, I will never have that 29 years of history she has with her late-H.

Something more that I didn't report...

xW is CLAIMING that she doesn't even remember a lot of what has happened. Ex.: She asked me why I thought she didn't love me. I told her that for years she had been TELLING me that she didn't love me, wished she had never married me,etc. When I said that...she starting crying (quite violently)and said she couldn't believe she said that and that she doesn't remember EVER saying that...

She said this whole thing was like a fog to her and she's beginning to feel good again and feeling like herself.

"oh yes, they call it puppy love....."

I had stated my religious point of view....but Georgia..you already know that....

it's his EX WIFE.... oh, okay... it was Satan.... I forgot.... here I thought it was his W making those decisions...
in a world where we can have a evangelist having gay sex, doing drugs and being a hypocrite blame his actions on Satan... I guess I am not surprised to hear that reasoning.
She can be forgiven... doesn't mean he needs to be silly enough to take her back and treat another unfairly.

I don't know if anyone here still remembers me...or cares about this update....

Aren't you that guy that has the pond business in Alabama?

That ought to teach you not to make statements like that -

BTW, I know it's really Georgia, but - you know how it is when you tease someone. You have to make it good.

Well, other that all this other stuff, how are you?

I should jump over the canyon and come see you in Flag - but I think I'll sleep instead.

Really - how is this affecting you?

SS