Quote from GG 2 weeks before his WW contacted him -

I will say that I continue to believe the MB principles are indeed valid going into M #2 and I encourage others to use these principles. I also am reading Love & Respect (recommended to me at one time) and am finding it to be a very good book, lot's of very practical insights.

To summarize, it is obvious that this M is going to be no picnic, but it is equally obvious that it is going to be a tremendous blessing. We are both willing to put the work into it, and there is no doubt she is a wonderful and godly woman. I am very, very fortunate to have her in my life.

Quote after WW talks to him for 3 hours -

"Jumping back in with xW scares me to death...but the outcome could be wonderful. She IS the love of my life..."

Aphelion, you said:



This is kind of off the topic of Georgia...

I'm trying to understand your thinking here because it applies to me/my young adult sons...

In hindsight, it probably would have been good BUT...my only time without my H since age 18 was during PLAN B and I HATED IT...

I went from the dorm to marriage to my H..from my parents' house to marriage...

How could I have arranged this differently?

Would you recommend for folks to hold off before marriage and spend sometime alone?

I have an OS who talked to me just yesterday about all of his friends getting married..been a groomsman a number of times latetly... and I told him that he was at that age. He has a long-term GF..she wants to get married..he is in love with her but doesn't want to live with her...

In your line of reasoning, should he break up with her to spend sometime alone without a woman before he gets married..he's ALWAYS had a GF since high school....

Really just wondering where you are going with this...

It's really fairly typical for men not to like being ALONE...Widowers tend to remarry soon after the passing of their wives after longterm marriages...

I'm a bit confused by this




I have to agree with Aphelion here. Time on FGG's own may be the best solution right now. Marriage with ANYONE right now doesn't seem fitting. FGG seems utterly confused and conflicted. I'm in Plan B now, and have no desire to move on with anyone else while I get my own head out of my [censored] and get my thoughts clear. I agree with Mimi, also, in that this SUX, but these are MB principles. I don't remember those principles including any sort of 'dating' while in Plan B, or prior to D. Mimi, did you do any dating while in Plan B, and if you were on your way to D, do you think it would be a good time to take on a new lover?

From what FGG has related in this thread, Ann sounds no closer to true commitment with open arms right now either, maybe it's a good time to THINK, to REALLY KNOW what you want. Can you really commit to something you MAY want, with either woman?

When Georgia posted this, I thought he was fooling himself. I told him so and he did not want to hear me. He went off and found out for himself, in my very, very humble opinion.

I believe that his wife is THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE. That's the way I feel about my FWH....

I think that there are some of us that feel this way and understand this and undoubtedly some of you do not...

It's probably the difference between those who have experienced LIFE ALONE vs. those of us who have not...

Or maybe some folks are more DEPENDENT than others for whatever reason...

Silent:

Long story...

I've followed Georgia for a long time...

I disagreed with his decision to D his wife...

I disagreed with his decision to date until after 2 years...

Georgia has done his own thing...

NO WAY..I didn't date..couldn't imagine it in my wildest dreams....

Mimi,

My H is the love of my life, hence Plan B for me, with neither him nor anyone else to hinder my healing process. I don't really believe that moving on with someone else, for me, will ever be like it was with WH. In fact, I know that it won't. That is what FGG is expereincing here.

Will I ever accept my WH back into my life. Yes, with slower baby steps than before. If FGG has already had R's with women, even prior to D, maybe he needs some time to figure out what he really wants, before even more women get hurt in his wake. There's really no reason to JUMP in to anything, is there? He's single, his WW is single, Ann is single. From what I see, Ann seems to be the only one really thinking, slowing things down so that all of this is not a blur.

Silent:

You and I are on the same wavelength..on the same page on this EXACTLY....

Georgia has NEVER been ALONE throughout this entire process...

Which made ME even question the R with Ann but alot of folks here supported it because he was DIVORCED...

But the DIVORCE happened because of his speediness at getting it...

Like I said before..this has been a LONG, LONG STORY...

I'm not a bit surprised by this outcome...

IMO, it was almost TOO PREDICTABLE...

The outcome actually REALLY FITS with MB PRINCIPLES...

I've got a lot 2 say, but someone's trying 2 drag me off 2 lunch.

See? I can hang people out there waiting for my posts just like FGG can! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

...only, probably nobody was really interested in what I may have had 2 say... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

FOOD!

-ol' 2long

I get the feeling that some of the people on this site have started their holiday drinking a bit too early. Please stay off the roads!

Believer.... I like the bow on a turd! Very nice... and describes this whole thing perfectly!

GG how are you?

I read the ENTIRE post and i am in awe.

1. you got hurt, hurt bad .by now your XW.

2. You got engaged to Ann

3. You told sons and XW (really doesnt matter who told who..........she heard)

4. Sons seems indifferent but accept the facts.

5. XWW got hold of you and you both spoke for 3 hours (how did she get a hold of you?)

6. XW pours out her heart.

7. You are now looking at your options and "notices" that Ann isnt comitted to the relationship.

8. In your heart of hearts you would like things to work out with your XWW.

Is there anything wrong with the above?

Will Ann get hurt?

Will XWW "get" you back?

only God knows how this will unfold.

Just a thought.........Us BS being traumatized by an A in our lives have to be careful with how we treat other human beings. We know the hurt and pain of rejection or being placed in the "second best category".

understanding this firsthand,should cause us never to visit this "emotional murder" upon another.

Are you doing this to others? as mimi said to me......focus on becoming a better person....become stronger for it.

be very careful with the decisions you make G.G. be careful how you play with other people hearts.

ol 2Long!!!!!!!!!!hello!

i missed ya!

OK...

It is becoming tempting to say something UGLY..but I am holding back...

BTW, I don't drink... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

It’s so simple it’s almost impossible for a thumb-tied typist like me to explain.

Maybe you answered your own question.

“In hindsight, it probably would have been good BUT...my only time without my H since age 18 was during PLAN B and I HATED IT...”

IMO, it would have been good.

I hated Plan B too. But I knew I could do it. I knew I would be better than fine whatever happened in the end because I had been on my own for years before I met FWW.

I did not feel a need to discount my heart. I did not feel a need to risk my health to get her back. I was going to be OK because I had always been OK.

And I know I will be better than OK no matter what because, even though I like women, I now remember that I do not need one. I love my W, but I will thrive however this turns out. I know this because I remember that I lived for years on my own, and not as a couple, before I met her.

I know how to meet my own ENs. (This is the WS issue at its core, don’t you think?)

I was married for 20 years before D-day 2, and I almost forgot the above. But I have it back now. I know how to make myself happy and I don’t have to be a couple to do it.


To bring this back to FGG, and to have fun talking about him in the third person, FGG seems to need to be with a woman, no matter what. Look back on his story and tell me when, even before the moved out of his house, tell me when he was not already dating or flirting or making some moves or plans for moves on some woman.

FGG needs to find himself, his own ENs. He does not need to find a woman.

OTOH, I agree with you, his xW is indeed the love of his life. He imprinted on her. He should see where she is willing to go with these feelers. He should set the bar high and he should not discount his heart. But he should be willing to negotiate.

My impression is FGG has been SFing with several women, even before his D. I don’t think his xW has had SF with anyone else, yet.

She had an EA, possibly, but it always looked to me more like a mental confusion of some sort. A midlife crisis with OM(s) as the intellectual distractions. A hobby almost.

Only FGG has had the PA(s). He does not have a whole lot of room to maneuver, IMO.

With prayers,


2long, you old hound dog. Check your mail.

This is MB - we should all be supporting marriages, and honorable behavior. No matter how it is dressed up, (GG's WW is his soulmate, his true love, they shouldn't have gotten divorced, he wants his family), it is STILL a pig.

The man is engaged, and looking at other possibilities. Like some of the oldtimers here say - his future is bright, with all kinds of options.

He needs to tell Ann IMMEDIATELY that the engagement is OFF, as the adulteress is the love of his life. But of course then she may change her mind, knowing the truth, and the adulteress may disappear again too.

Aphelion,

You nailed that one; that is exactly what I meant when I said that I would not be moving on with anyone until I extracted MY head out of my own [censored]. I believe in finding myself amongst the ruins before pulling someone in here with me. My sister is a lot like FGG; she can't go it alone; when she is alone, she is miserable or a mess. When she IS with someone, she is miserable or she is a mess, and the people she chooses to spend time with are either slugs or blood-suckers. I've tried to talk to her about finding herself, but she keeps looking into the eyes of someone else to see her reflection...

I do.

GG has always been married though, and this part of a process I think for BS's newly divorced after a very long term marriage starting at a very young age.

It seems common and even somewhat required before settling down and learning how to just "be", or just be still as 2long says.

Aphelion:

I really appreciate your post to me. I think you've got it right. I probably SHOULD have waited and learned to meet my own ENs..but I don't see how that could have happened. I don't see how that can happen with my son... for example..without the risk of him breaking up with his girlfriend. He has kept his own place, though, and spends time alone which is different from what I did. From the beginning of our dating years, my H and I spent most of our time together. I never had the opportunity to LEARN those ALONE skills during my ADULTHOOD.

As you say, Weaver, that's a lot of what Georgia is struggling with, I think. So is Ann...for so many, many years being part of a couple....

I like what you are saying, Weaver.."learning to be still and to just be"...

I think I'm going to PRACTICE that more and more..

THANKS!!!

Learning to be alone can be just as hard as learning to be a couple.

I agree with the others about always being careful to not hurt anyone being of the utmost and biggest responsibility, but we are responsible for our own hearts as are the people we date, and sometimes being alone for too long can be just as bad as not being alone for long enough.

They say most WS's eventually want to come back, it could take two years, it could take seven and the BS is the biggest threat to the marriage because they lose their love and move on sometimes too soon.

But who is to know, and who can say the BS should wait?

It seems to me the important thing is to be as reasonably sure as you can be that you are over your ex and will never want to go back before you start dating again to avoid any possible broken hearts...but who can really know for sure this has even really occured when it seemed there was no hope at all?

I wouldn't want to be in a position of having to choose between two people who loved me though, that seems like a very unhappy place to be.

Mimi,

I love reading your stuff! You are so open, and sincere, and passionate about life and what you believe in. I love that about you, and always wanted to tell you!

GG;
I would never marry someone who described ANOTHER WOMAN as the "love of his life". Does Ann know this?

What happened to the Rule of Protection? You are not protecting your relationship with Ann. IMO, this conversation with your XW should never have happened.