Thanks for you input.....

I believe that asking her to authorize permission for me to meet with her psychiatrist, one on one, is not asking too much. I think I would deserve to know: a) how much is attributable to BPD, b) what the future holds. Those things may not be openly discussed with her sitting there.

Startin...would you EVER go back to someone who divorced you while you were very, very serious about having another man move into your house while your husband worked to pay the bills for both of you? And..while you were very upset that he didn't think it was a good idea that another man live with you in his house?

I think an alternate question is...would you ever UNDIVORCE someone who had put you through that?

I know that these things aren't quite as vivid in the casual observers mind as they are mine....

Reading about it and living through it is quite a different thing...

Are you saying that what you have experienced is different than what others here have experienced?

oh mimi....

can't I rant without having to prove that I'm any worse off than anyone else?

Of course not....

I think I probably mis-read starting's post..thinking how dare me consider going back since I divorced her. I read your clarification after I posted...

Can't I have a pity party if I want? It's my party and I'll cry if.....well, you know the rest of the song...

I'm hoping that SH can give me some clear direction to at least test the waters. Do I recall you saying that you had to endure some verbal abuse from FWH after he came back? Is that to be expected from emerging WS's...that you still get an earful of "it's all your fault", even after they return home.

RANT ON!!

Me thinks that your RANTING is a GOOD THING!

You have LOTS to RANT ABOUT!

And..as I was trying to say..YOU ARE UNDERSTANDABLY CONFUSED..who wouldn't be?..who wasn't?

If I were you, I'd be looking for Steve to help me differentiate between a BP WS and a garden-variety WS..if there is such a difference..

Slammed... recently talked to Steve about her WS who is BPD... and he gave her some info....

I also think you need to entertain taking a look at the part that you played in your marital difficulties..or how YOU need to change..because you know my belief that we only have control over ourselves...

ALL OF THIS STUFF IS VERY MESSY, STINKY AND DIFFICULT..IT JUST IS!!!!

FGG,
I read this yesterday:
All through the Bible, God equates patience with maturity. Proverbs 14:29 tells us, "A patient man has great understanding, but a quick tempered man displays folly." Patience is a mark of maturity.”

Don't you think it would be good to exercise a little patience at this moment? Use the time to rant!

Let things happen as they should.

Mimi & cc...

Thanks for both of your inputs.

I do hope that SH will have something good to say. He had never disappointed in the past, so I assume that this will also be worth the effort....

cc....thank you for your exhortation. There is no doubt that patience is not a word that comes to mind when describing myself, even though I do understand it as a virtue.

I'm home now, and I plan to spend much of the evening fixing (or attempting same) my microwave, and heading over to the Y.

Don't think that my ranting is over with...I'll probably be back with more later!!

Thanks -

I wish you would just rant and not do other things, for a little while.....

We're willing to listen to you....

thanks, cc...

that is very kind of you...

I'll let you know how the microwave project turns out...

right or wrong
correct or incorrect
I have something to say...

I'll keep it simple

GG

STOP looking for your identity in the mirror of your relationships

you have bounced back and forth many times these recent years

falling in and falling out of "love" several times

to your own detriment

and

to their detriment as well

you are not a ping-pong ball
quit bouncing & changing directions

all this discussion about "which woman should I choose" is NOT what this is about

this is about YOU trying to fill a personal void with another human being

STOP doing this
it is becoming a habit

ask yourself a different question

who are you when you are alone?

you are a good person

but STOP bouncing around!!!!!

Pep

It seems to me like we are all jumping the gun a bit here -- unless there is more than what was posted.

Has XW expressed a desire for reconciliation?
I went back and read your initial descriptions of this conversation -- and all I saw was apologies, remorse, and missing you.

What I didn't see was a request for reconciliation, a plan for recovery, or a commitment to changing behavior.

It seems to me that all this is very very very very premature.

What if she were just depressed and poured out her heart to you, but the next day was feeling better and still happy to have OM in her life???

Have there been any subsequent discussions with XW??
I guess before you go jumping into designing a plan for recovery -- I would make sure that OM was gone. Not "will be" gone, but already 100% GONE. Otherwise this isn't any different that a WW trying to break through a Plan B and get a little reassurance that BH is still available before returning to all their bad behaviors.

I'm glad you were honest with Ann. And I am glad you are seeking counseling. Good moves.

Something else Georgia that I have learned growing up with a father that has Bipolar Disorder...You only exist to them when they want you to...They can go for long periods of time without you because you simply don't come to mind...then they can flip suddenly and you become the focus...but guess what? They flip A LOT...Nature of the illness...

Another thing is that people affected with this disorder struggle with is remaining on medication...Once they feel better, they get a false sense that they can control it themselves and suddenly go off meds...That is common...Also, even on meds, there are no guarantees that she will not still cycle...It will be to a lesser degree usually, but may require an adjustment of meds...It is a very encompassing illness for all involved...

You can still choose to love and be with someone that has Bipolar Disorder...But please do much research to see if that is indeed a choice that you want to make...

Best,

Mrs. W

Is his wife bipolar or is she borderline personality disorder? I seem to think it is the latter.

Anything I have suggested here was for borderline personality disorder... I know next to nothing about bi-polar....
Sorry if I was wrong about that... BPD is the medical abreviation for borderline personality disorder.

what is your plan for this week? not your plan for life, or your plan for retirement, but just for now?
Have you even spoken to XW again since the lengthy conversation from last week?

okay, I'm going to do something unusual for me and go back and try to address each post....

back in a few moments..

Pepper:

I KNOW you are absolutely right...but knowing that and being able to make those changes within myself are not easy. I do wonder why it is that I can't seem to be content for a long period of time alone.

Lexxy

There was absolutely no discussion about recovery. And I have not talked to her again since then. The only thing, IMO, that was significant was what sounded like a very genuine apology. If I may, I think the desire for reconciliation from her is ASSUMED..(yes, I know...don't say it).

Mrs. W:

What you say is very interesting. I have been reading a lot, including the link to the center in Atlanta you suggested.

MEDC:

Bi-Polar Type II. If there is an accepted acronym, someone tell me and I will use it.

WOF:

My only plans for this week:

Work of, course.
See if I can weasle back into a pottery class tomorrow night.
Church Wed night.
Home Bible Study Thursday night (still at alternate house while I was away).
Friday - Saturday ....nothing except odd jobs around here..like fix my leaking roof.

And, no...no further conversations with xW since that one.

Georgia

no secret here

it's UNCOMFORTABLE for you to be alone

and you feel alive & excited when embroiled in "woman struggles"

and guess what

the "why" ??? ... I don't give a dayum (said with a fake southern drawl mister ... just for yew)

who cares "why" ????? Knowing "why" won't change your problem. DOING something different will change things.


resist the comfort of "the same" in this instance GG

you need that discomfort of being alone

your personal growth lies in that discomfort you try to escape

and besides ... an adult who tolerates "alone" very very well ... makes a wonderful spouse !!!!

actually ... I think this is prolly easily overcome ... you have some excellent personal resources to fall back on

Best to you

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

EXACTLY...what I was "trying" to say to ya....

Thank you Pep...with the 2nd by Mimi...

Well...I think I'm pretty much there now...so we'll see how that goes...

May I ask...are most people this way...or do I seem to be extra adverse to aloneness?

(btw - absolutely no Southern drawl here...but thanks for making me feel at home).

could't say

I don't actually know you

and I certainly don't know everyone else

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

but, if forced to guess ... I'd say there are men who rely on a woman to make them feel manly

have you read this?

Wild At Heart <~~~ CLICK