Personally G.G. I think you are making a mistake. Your EX left you for OM, it didnt work out.....now she wants what she had. That does not in anyway bother you? Ann has been thru what happened to you, so she sure as heck isnt going to toy with you or play games. I believe your EX *might*. There is noway to tell, but I sure wouldnt chance it. With your kids being grown and gone, I personally would move on.....thats just me.

Let me ask a question......what if this happens again 2, 5, or 10yrs from now, and you gave up a woman you KNOW is good for you, for a chance? Its not worth it. You know what you had, now you are gonna chance what you might get back.

Good luck, god bless you, I think you are gonna need it.


PS. Im saying this, because my EX tried to do the same thing.....dumped me, it didnt work out with her OM, she tried to come back (H E L L No from me).....and you know what? She is STILL the same. Even though we arent married anymore, she still has the same issues. She was nice when she tried to return, but since I moved on......the same old EX wife came out in her. She never changed. If I would have taken her back, I would be miserable today. I remarried and am Sooooo in love its not funny. 5 yrs into my new marriage and I do not regret my divorce or new marriag one bit.

This is my humble opinion.........alot of people on this board know I speak my mind.....but, this is an open forum, and everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and comments.

In FGG's sitch I don't believe he was fully done with his XW and for that reason he never would be able to fully commit to another marriage. But like you, when he is he will know it and be able to move on with no regrets (if it does come to that).

FGG, I think you are doing the right thing for you And I wish you patience, grace and strength.

Hey StartinOver,

I appreciate your thoughts...

I'd like you to consider this: My advice, and that of others, I suspect, is from the perspective of GEORGIA... NOT his ex.

I believe, from what he has said and admitted to feeling, that he would REGRET not stopping to take a second look at what he was rushing into.

Sure, it's a gamble... and maybe he won't even give his W a second chance when all the dust has settled. But he had to step back... ""because"" he was questioning.

That's all I ever wanted him to consider... regrets are very heavy baggage... no matter what the circumstance.

yeah, I see your point.

I dont know.......drop a woman you know is good for one you have experienced aweful with??? I guess.

As the subject of this discussion (it's like having an out of body experience...watching while others talk about me!)..

It isn't nearly as simple as Woman A vs. Woman B.

Woman A is the mother of my children. She WILL BE the grandmother to my grandchildren. She was my GF from the time was 18 y.o. We have lived a very, very full life together...and were (IMO) very happy.

Can it be that way again?

And..oh yes..at the end she treated me worse than any one person should ever have to tolerate....not a small thing.

Woman B:

A peach of a woman, exemplary of Proverbs 31. No doubt would be wife most any man would die for.

And...absolutely gorgeous.

But....a new beginning. No history...Family members that aren't mine..many I don't know or have known a very short time.

Shared memories are only recent one...

But...offers the glimpse of what a truly loved and cherished life can be....again...

Yep.....you have alot of soul searching to do.

In case anyone here is wondering..

I just haven't really felt like I'm ready to pick up that phone and call her.

The thought of it just scares me.

Maybe it would be best to make it through the holidays without calling her or making any decisions at least.

I think that might insure that nostalgia isn't a big reason for her call...etc. Of course the same goes for you. I imagine it isn't easy for you to not be an intact family with her and your sons at this time of year.

Good morning, all -

Trix, you may be right about that. After I talked to SH, I thought that I was ready to just give her a call and get this ball rolling. But it seems to weigh on me exactly what ball I might be getting rolling...and all the consequences thereof. Maybe after Christmas would be a more "stable" time...or am I just CA'ing again?

I've needed to get her some info on some accounts (stemming from that same phone call). Last week I had to go back and read some e-mails from August, and it reminded me of how mean and hurtful she has been in just the past 4 months. All the not-so-veiled threats to take me back to court, telling me her e-mails were being copied to her attorney, etc.....

And, yes, Christmas is hard. We had a work day at church on Saturday and fortunately I got Christmas tree duty. What that meant is that I was the guy elected to climb the tall ladder and put the star on top along with the upper half decorations. I enjoyed that as it gave me a chance to enjoy decorating a tree with friends around.

Then yesterday afternoon I put up my Eckerd's $29.99 special. I must say that rather than feeling sorry for myself I got a really good laugh at what passes for a Christmas tree. Mine makes Charlie Brown's tree look huge.

Georgia

I've been keeping up with you.

I don't know what to say except LISTEN TO THE SPIRIT..HE WILL GUIDE YOU...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, Mimi...

Yes, I just feel that to mix all this in with the Christmas emotions wouldn't be right...not at this time.

You know I always say: "GO WITH YOUR GUT" (feeling, that is)....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Yes, you are. Whether it's the right thing 2 do or the wrong thing 2 do, part of your decision not 2 call her is due 2 CA.

Was calling her part of a "plan" that you and SH came up with 2 "get the ball rolling?" If so, then this is pretty obviously CA. If not, then I'm off base.

Holidays are hard. But facing "hard" with our new-found good-choice-making skills incrementally makes ours a better world.

-ol' 2long

Post deleted by mimi1254

Formerly GG,

Sometimes when I feel extremely anxious and unsure of myself I fall back on my time honored technique. I sit down and force myself to rethink my problem. Is it a problem because my own personality(Type A) makes it so or is this an artificial time frame I am imposing on myself. Often I find that it is my fault for putting time constraints on things that need none, in fact would only be helped through waiting.

Is there anything in your life right now that necessitates immediate action? Can anything you are involved in be CORRECTED by you making a decision NOW?

I find that time and time again, it is my psyche that puts prssure on me and not the other way around.

A more stable time for HER, or for YOU? I think the answer to this matters a lot.

And yes, I think you might be CA'ing. But I also think you're being thoughtful and mindful of the "potential" for difficulty.


Very interesting.

You know, GG, I've also had experience with BP individuals who've blown up like a rage-filled volcanos with covert, and not- so-covert threats. I understand how much that hurts, how frustrating it is, and how confusing it is.

GG, the whole reason we're *having* this discussion is because YOU were confused, not because SHE was. What she does, doesn't do, or has, hasn't done, isn't the reason you're putting on the brakes with Ann, is it? There must have been some underlying "unfinished-ness" with your ex, or else her words to you on the phone wouldn't have touched you as they did.

I totally DO understand that it's Christmas-time, which equals Emotional-time, and you don't want a false sense of closeness. But here's the thing: YOU already are AWARE of the potential... this may help to keep you centered.

If you want my advice, here it is: Call your ex, and try to have a good Christmas with your family. Keep in mind that you will no-doubt feel more emotional because of the time of year, but at the same time, watch and listen with your gut and your brain.

Don't make any final decisions, protect yourself and be careful.

Take care, and don't let anyone hold your heart but YOU.

I don't think he is conflict avoiding at all. I think he is having MUCH NEEDED second thoughts about a potentially disasterous decision and I am RELIEVED to see he is very cautious.

I think his initial impulse about all this was very hasty, impulsive and emotionally driven. He would be insane to not want to avoid a REPEAT of the last year of his marriage. And that may very well be what you face, GG, if you go back. The risk of that is GREAT and I think you are wise to take your sweet time and thing long and hard before you even consider going back. THERE IS NO RUSH!

I would hope that you could go back and just pick up and resume a wonderful fantasy life with your WW, but that might be very unrealistic. And thank the good Lord, you are carefully considering such a major, risky decision.

Thank you all...

I am really feeling quite comfortable with the status quo right now. I feel a bit at ease...some peace.

Ann and I do still indeed talk almost every day...but the conversation has definitely been ratcheted down a few notches. Frankly, I miss the closeness of the conversation we were having...but in a strange way I also feel somewhat that some pressure has been relieved.

And..no, there is no time constraint, no time frame to any of this. My propensity is to want to rush it and she where it is going to go, I want to know the end NOW....

But...I think this is going to be one time that I am willing to just wait..and be at peace for a while.

Georgia

Any news, Georgia?

<AD drums his fingers on the desk>