Sorry AD...some how my e-mail "alert" thing has ceased to function and I didn't get notified...

However, the answer to your question is "no"....

I've had absolutely no further communcation of any sort wtih xW.

I'm in a pretty comfortable "waiting" (is that the right word?) period right now....just letting all the dust settle and see how things go. Contentment is a good word.

Only really big news in the world is Ann has another grandchild (#4) on the way...

Georgia

Thanks for the update, Georgia.

I understand.

-AD

Well, FGG, it is after the holidays. How did they go and what are your plans for the new year?

Please give us an update.

Yes - UPDATE - UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE- UPDATE

SS

Hi everyone.....

Trix was kind of enough to e-mail me and ask for an update.

Well...tonight was the night that Ann and I had "the" conversation and our engagement is off. I think we are both in agreement with this and, as she recently said...

"It was a wonderful dream"....

We both have nothing but the kindest regards for one another and I continue to think of her as probably the most amazing woman I have ever met. Oddly enough, she echoes similar sentiments about me (sans the woman part!), but it's obvious we're doing the right thing. We have agreed that we must remain friends and stay in contact with one another.

If I drank, I'd be drunk again tonight. I can't sleep...

Plus..I've been sick for about the last 5 days and going to see my dr tomorrow.

I'll give more update later...but this is the news tonight.

Thanks for asking folks. By the way...no communication at all from xW.

Georgia

Georgia,

"Right thing", or not, that has got to hurt. <sigh>

You are a brave man. May God bless you with peace.

-AD

I hope you feel better soon.

Maybe the ball is in your court with your wife...from her perspective? I am a bit surprised you had no contact with her over the holidays.

So, nothing since you had that long conversation with her where she expressed some remorse?

Good Morning Trix -

That is correct, I have had absolutely no contact with her since that once conversation before Thanksgiving.

And, yes, you are likely correct in her thinking that the ball is in my court. And frankly I'm not really convinced that I want to even start that ball game.

I know that we (to include all MB'ers) could kick around the pros and cons all day...and I've already ran that tape through my head lots of times. But when it comes down to picking up the phone and possibly hitting the "start" button on renewing contact with her...well I'm finding that to be incredibly harder than I expected.

And..I am feeling much better today by the way. I am thinking of canceling my dr appointment this afternoon.

Georgia

Hi Georgia:

You know what?

If you have the time and energy, I think you would be really helpful to women here that want increased understanding of a man's perspective on Emotional Needs. You really have been helpful to me in gaining increased understanding of my H.

Just a thought.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! You sound more at peace.

When I was typing the last post I almost suggested that you ask your xw on a date...but then I thought better of it... that I could understand that you may be reluctant to go there again. I understand.

It is just that you thought you saw a glimpse of the wife you had loved when you had that conversation with her.

Did you see your sons much over the holidays?

Trix ...that was part of the discussion that I had with SH in my last discussion with him.

I had also considered a "date" and getting reaquainted, but he was careful to point out that we must reach an agreement on ground rules or were may be heading right back into the same quagmire.

Those ground rules would be NC with OM(#x) forever AND a one-on-one visit with her psychiatrist. She and I have not had such a discussion.

Georgia

oh...and to answer your last question.

I saw #1S/DIL before Christmas and had them over to my house for dinner (along with my parents). I didn't get to see #2S/DIL until New Years eve night when I was sick and they came by for a couple of hours around midnight.

I've seen #1S/DIL 2X since then and they brought me some soup for dinner one night.

Things are going well in the S/DIL dept. right now.

Georgia

Ah yes, I do recall that part of your last SH call. It has been a while now.

As The World Turns...

Ann called to tell me the ring was FedEx'd today.

And then continued to tell me she has been lonesome all day..her world has changed now and she thinks this must be one of the dumbest things she's ever done. We both had a big cry fest and I told her the invitation is still there.

This is SOOOOO hard...

She told me she is absolutely miserable...

Will there ever be a normal life again????

Georgia,


Just to be clear, I'm assuming that she meant that breaking the engagment was the dumbest thing... or did she mean something else?

You are living, Georgia. Being alive hurts sometimes. The more cautious ones of us don't suffer as much, nor do we enjoy as much or learn as much.

If you'll allow me to reminisce on your thread... I remember when I was engaged to my ex-wife and she called me one day - to say that she walked to the post office to send me "something", but when she got there it was closed. She said she was glad it was closed, because she had intended to return the ring. Several years later, that ring was thrown (by her) in the water at a major tourist attaction.

The contrast here - is that Ann is a mature, responsible person (as are you). She probably even gave you the tracking number. <grin>

Someday you will both laugh about all this - as friends or as something more.

Thank you also for reminding us of what SH said about starting a process with your ex-wife. My ex-wife often talks as if she wishes reconciliation were possible. Since she is expecting OM/H's baby in a few weeks, that is remarkable. And even more remarkable, is that I have an open mind on the subject. (This, I think, is an answer to prayer - since I am amazed to say that I feel no pain in relation to her situation) But, I will remember SH's prescription for you - and keep in mind that something similar would be required in my case.

-AD

Hi AD -

Yes, she meant breaking the engagement.

And..I think what SH said should hold true for any of us...

To attempt to restart a R with the same set of problems in place that lead to the break up in the first place is most assuredly just going to lead to more heartache and the same outcome.

Georgia

She knows you're one of the good guys, Georgia.

-AD

Hi Georgia Guy.

It's been a long time since I checked in on you, and now it's taken me a long time to read through this thread. Sorry to have been away so long.

I'm not going to "rehash" old conversations. The "past is the past" and we don't get to erase it and start over. We get to start from NOW and let a new future be built, hopefully having learned from the past.

So unless you ask for an opinion or comments, I am not going to "thrust" one upon you. All I am going to do is to ask you a couple of questions (ones that I know you've heard before, but may have a better perspective on now). I hope you will really think about this and that it will give you some direction.

Your timeframe or the Lord's timeframe?

Your will or God's will?


God bless.

I think that without some space and time away from Ann, your heart may not be open to start any process with your xw. I think that this breakup is probably for the best at this time...since there were doubts on several levels not the least of which involved that conversation with your xw.

Since you have still been in contact with Ann it makes you less likely to discern what is best in regards to the possibilities with your xwife.

I think that will still need to be sorted out before you can resume a relationship with Ann if one, in deed, becomes a reality in the future.

Good Morning all -

Thanks for the input.

It is an interesting thought that with the passage of time away from Ann that xW will start to look more appealing. I certainly do remember the intense emotions that overcame me when xW and I had that long conversation in November, but I must say that has diminished greatly now.

I am left to wonder sometimes have I become such an emotional creature ("wreck" may be a more descriptive term..) that I am blown so easily in which ever direction is avaiable? I know that's rhetorical...but still I wonder...And that is where FH's questions become germaine.

#1S called last night just to chat a while and ask my help on a home project. Such a blessing...

Oh...and I'm working on installing my new LCD TV that Santa brought. Small things going on outside the realm of the soap opera.

Georgia