What can you do mlhb???? IF, your EX marries this woman, what will you do? Not let her pick the kids up ever???

What if he dumps her and meets someone else......what will you do then?

With an EX you have to deal with another person pretty much always. You can either make things work, or fight every single person they chose to date, or marry.

I really dont think you have too much of a choice.

Do you honestly want to fight OW forever? Do you want to stress out over the OP forever?

Like I said.....MHO, Im divorced remarried going thru all this and I have a best friend that has gone thru the same.

My buddy (even though divorced) used to fight the OP at every turn......he finally decided to try and get along and be peaceful, level headed people at this point. They all get along now, no drama, and both parties have marched forward.

JMHO again. Do what you feel necessary. Have a great weekend.

i wish he would meet someone else, because then it would be a whole diff story. it would not be THE woman who stomped all over our marriage, all over me, all over my kids. if he met someone else, and they were good and kind and nice and had morals and values, etc.. i would have no problem with my kids being around her or being picked up by her. it is because it is OW that i have issue.

i don't love my ex, don't want him back, am not jealous of her, nothing like that. i have moved on as well and am very happy.


like i said, i have some thinking and praying to do about this....

mlhb

I can tell you that you are normal MLHB. I can truthfully say and have told Ex WW that I will never accept the lunatic that helped break up our family and marriage as part of the "deal". Don't even try and get me to. I told her that for that matter he would do well to stear clear of me at all times. I haven't seen him since the trial on 8/31 and that is to his benefit. I laid it out for her that this relationship would never be legitmate, moral, legal or otherwise and she didn't have to like it that I felt that way and nothing she could ever say or do would change this.
I completely agree with you. They want you to just move on get over it. I told her that when she's been betraying by this serial cheating, loser to call me and then come and tell me how I should have felt but until then I would feel whatever the ****** I wanted to feel for as long as I wanted to feel that way.

Abiding by the divorce agreement is not being a ******.

Refusing to hand your children over to someone that you do not know or trust is not being a ******.

When you turn the children over to the X, HE becomes solely responsible for their safety and well being. Should he choose to put them in the care of someone else for any length of time, HE is responsible for that choice.

He is entitled to make that choice AFTER the children are in his personal care. Not before. He should pick them up or send someone that you DO know and trust.

As I understand it SO, this specific discussion is about the OP that participated in the destruction of the marriage. Obviously, an amoral selfish person who does not respect or value marriage or family, nor could model or teach the same to anybodies children let alone the ones that are going to suffer from their very poor choices and actions.

Amen Resilent. Startinover, you are wrong on this one. I am never going to accept that idiot as part of the deal. He has destroyed numerous other marriages before becoming involved with my ex WW (serial cheater)...I told ex WW that I would spend my last dime to see that this goober had as little to no contact w/ our son as possible. His own kids will not speak to him and his grandchildren are forbidden from seeing him. You think I am going to support or be complacent about him being near our son. NO!!! If I find out that she is leaving him with this nut job alone I will take her back to court. If I find out that he ever says one cross word to our son I will take her back to court. If I find out that he ever lays a hand on our son I will kick his azz and then take her back to court all for restricted visitation as I have full custody (that's how bad this idiot was that a mother of an 18 mo. old could lose custody of her son). NEVER!

The diff. is mlhb is divorced.

Let see what happens then.....we will see in 1yr what has taken place.

Anyhow, I said it was MHO.

I never said you were a B, in fact I think you are the opposite of that word. But, seriously......there is nothing you can do about WHOM your EXH sees or when he takes the kids around them or anything of the such. Actually, he does not even have to tell you if the OW sees them or when or what they do together. Like I said, unless the OW is a danger to your kids, there is really nothing you can do.

All of these people getting angry about the OP are just going off about what happened. Really, at this point....what can you do mlhb?? You may HATE what is going on, but as a divorced person......you EX really can do what he likes. Sorry, but as Ive said.....see what happens in the future......alot of people will see that what Ive said is right. *shrugs*

Talk to a lawyer about it.


PS......ummmm, also.....what is the difference between the OW picking the kids up and taking them to your EXs house, and the OW spending 7 days a week at your EXs house with the kids there??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Good luck mlhb......Im sure you will do what you feel is best. God bless.

i know startin.. all logic tells me your are right, but i sure don't like it! i just think handing my kids over to ow will eventually get easier in time. she has not, as yet, been bad to them (except for hurting them by having an A with their dad....) but she has not, directly to them, been bad.

i am really trying to work on the complete internal anger i have about the whole situation.

mlhb

startingOver,

I think she may see things as I do...so let me take a stab at it.


Nope! If my wife ever married the Troll, he would never be allowed near my house...let alone pick up the kids. And legally, I dont have to allow him to pick them up. Pretty much, if he entered my property, he would be arrested for trespassing. No matter his status in regards to my wife.


Different story. That person might actually be a good influence on my children. That person didnt help destroy my childrens' family. That person might actually have some redeeming qualities to bring to my kids. The Troll can never have any of that in regards to my kids, my family...and even my wife. After all, he is an OP!!! And that will never change.


No. You dont deal with OPs!!!!!!!! Ever!! And if my wife marries a different guy, but he is a loser for some reason (something morally corruptable or not a good influence for my kids, then I will treat him the same. I pray my wife would find someone halfway decent...maybe even a Christian. SO, the issue is the OP...not who my wife might marry. And OP is different and should never be given a break by the BS. Never.


Oh yes she does!! As do I. I enforced the no OP rule near me or this family right from the beginning. My wife knows he will never be welcome at family events. And I can do something about that. As I said, for instance, my son's birthday is the end of December. He is with me. We will have a party at my house. My wife, and a future husband, woulf be invited. If her husband would be the OP...then she could come. But he would not be invited. As I said, if he set one foot on my property, he would be arrested.


Dont need to fight the OP! But I understand your point. And the choice is to either fight for what is right and continue to show my children that the OP and their mother together is wrong...or to give in and show my kids that I didnt mean it. And I dont believe God meant it. NO! The OP will ALWAYS be the OP. They can either leave and be the long lost OP. Or they can marry my wife and still be the OP. They are the OP to God. They are the OP to me. They are the OP to my children...to my family. The OP is never a good influence. Never!


And the kids learn that it is all okay. For the sake of the kids...right? Wrong! For the sake of the kids, they should learn and continue to learn that it is NEVER okay. That their mother with the OP will NEVER be okay.

As I said, dealing with the OP is not negotiable. I dont have to deal with the OP. It doesnt require arguments, or game playing. It is a permament NC between me and him. I dont care what my wife decides. She can marry the OP or anyone else. But I also choose who I associate with. And I must set the example for my children. My children should be raised not to associate with people like my wife has chosen to associate. They should be taught that there is right and wrong. And thata doesnt change just because my wife would want to make permanent what she has done.

I take my role as father seriously, as I am sure MLHB does also. Which means I must be right...always. I must set the standard my kids should strive for. And I must protect them from those that would lead them astray. No matter who that is.

Of course there is a difference. The difference is my kids know that I do not approve (neither does God) of their relationship. That if I do one thing to "normalize" a relationship with the OP, then I show my children that I do not believe what they did and continue to do is wrong.

They know that legally, I cannot do anything about what happens at my wife's house while they are there (unless there is a safety issue). That is entirely different than me having a relationship with the OP. By doing so, at any level, then I normalize things. And that should never happen in regards to the OP. The OP should ALWAYS be treated as an outsider to the family. They were and continue to be an enemy to the family.

My job is to set the standard for my kids, se=ince my wife is incapable of doing so. She chose to leave our family and take up with the OP. If she were to marry him, that doesnt make him a part of the family. He still remains...the OP!

Mortarman,

You and I are absolutely in agreement on this one!!!

Startinover, I am divorced as well. I hear what you are saying from a legal perspective and to some degree you are right. Where you are wrong is that I have to make it easy, condone, legitimize or otherwise tell my looney EX WW that it's okay and to worse yet show the children its okay. I never will do that. As long as she chooses to be with this lunatic he had best remain in NC with me. I have communicated as much to EX WW.

Ditto here, Hope&Pray

MM, I hope you are well. I confess that I have not followed Justjilly's thread of late... can yu tell me if this quote is consistent with what you have been posting over there?

Thanks,

MEDC

Yes. You see, JustJilly is not the OP in my family or marriage. Now, if I was talking to JustJilly's former husband, then I would advise him the same thing I wrote above.

But, in the case of JustJilly and me, she was seeking God's will in her life and with what her life has turned out as. Is her current husband a part of JustJilly's husband's family and kids? Nope. He intruded and helped to destroy that. And he should never be a part of that. Same goes with JJ and her current husband's former wife's family.

They chose to destroy two families. That dont get the opportunity to be a part of those because of that. But...

If JJ is seeking God, and His will...then there is a direction. But that in no way means the BSs in this whole sordid mess have any obligation to inculde them as a part of the family.

Because they are clearly not.

I agree with everyone here that the OP is trash.....I had an OP.....I cant stand the fool. But, ya know what? There is nothing I could do about my EX W bring him around the kids. I could not police them round the clock. Also, there is no LAW against my EX seeing who she wants......a person that broke up our family or not. As long as the person didnt harm the kids or had a history (drugs/violence/sex offender). There is nothing mlhb can do period. Yes, she may not let OW pick up the kids, but the OW can spend any other free time with the kids her EX choses and mlhb cant do ANYTHING about it. So, Im not saying to give in, but she does have to be realistic and not have this fantasy tough guy attitude that alot of the posters have. It will only lead to more drama. Talk to your kids and let them know what is going on. Let them know that you arent happy with the situation. But, deal with it maturely. There is not much else that can be done. Short of being out of line.

Sorry to make you stress, but r u really sure? I mean, both the OW and WS show they are NOT trustworthy characters. Would you leave your children with someone who is NOT trustworthy, a liar and a cheat? Clearly not. So why should the OW be treated any different?

Have you done a background check on the OW? What if she has a trail of credit card fraud, DUI arrests, etc? Find all the dirt you can and question the rest of it. Bottom line, find a way to make the OW NOT fit t/b around YOUR children.

JMHO,
L.

all she is is a narcissistic sociopath same as my husband. she was married to one of our town cops for a whole what maybe 5 months before she started screwing my husband.

i don't believe there is any criminal record, etc, she works for the state so she is pretty clean that way. she is just very materialistic, very young and immature, and i think very sick and sad inside. she admitted to her own husband that she is glad they did not have kids because she knows she is ugly inside and a selfish person and that the women in her family are unstable and thus she would not be a good mother! she said had they had kids she would have left them with him when she left! she admits, just as my ex does, to only being concerned about numero uno, herself and her happiness and having lots and lots of stuff.

so, besides the bad morals my kids have witnessed, i also now need to teach them NOT to be materialistic because that is all they see over there as well. buy bigger, buy better, and buy lots of it.

i am started what is called the 40 day miracle today. it is at 40day.com i believe. i am hoping it will help me be an even better person and to deal with the anger i feel inside that i feel sometimes consumes me on this.

mlhb