Well I exposed just a little. I have time I guess to take this at a pace that I can handle. I txtd the ow. "I know who you are and I know what you have done, I want my marriage to work but I cant with you in it. Stop making or rcving calls from my husband" Her response was "I understand. I am very sorry for what I have done and the pain i have caused. I will take care of it today and do as you wish"

Then I told the wh. He asked if she had done anything to make me do this. He sounded protective of me, like she had really done something. I told him no but that I could not continue or have hope if she was still in the picture. I told him that I wanted our marriage to work that I needed to have at least the nc inforced. He told me that she was the only one contacting him not the other way around. I confronted about the calls that he had made. He said they were to tell her to stop calling. I told him that I didnt believe him and that I felt like I had to do something. He said that he was actually glad that I did because he said he had told her to stop contact but she isnt respecting it and maybe by me contacting her that she will stop.

I dont know what to think. I know that he is probably just still stringing me along. But also I think that the A may have died the natural death that Steve talks about and they are trying to keep something going when it really is dead, even to them. I just dont know.

You and your husband need to read "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. It will give you a roadmap on how to recover after an affair. You will also need MC as well. I would still be in snooping mode to detect any type of contact between the two. If there is you need to buck up and EXPOSE your WH.

Hurt,

""Well I exposed just a little.""

NO YOU DID NOT!!! You confronted (?) the OW and then told WH!

""I know that he is probably just still stringing me along""

Please take out the word PROBABLY. He will string you along and NC will be broken again, and he will clear history ALL the time until you discover something else that will show that they are still in contact....then maybe you WILL EXPOSE at that time...or you will find another half a$$d action or reason NOT to expose...and the whole scenario will begin again.

Like another game you and he can play together.

krk

Wow, didnt expect to get flamed.

I am doing the best I can w/ what I have got. Sure I am chicken snot for not wanting to expose, but I am also in no great hurry to blow up everything if it can be salvaged without it. Mostly I worry about the kids and they have never seen any great strife between me an the wh. Should I start screaming at him so that the kids will understand when I kick him out? How about that their dad disrespects me so much that he is ****** somebody else?

As for what you've got, you've got the same as anyone else that posts here. We are trying to look out for you. As for exposure, I agree with krusht, I think the OW already knew. Don't love bust (angry outburst) but be firm about your boundaries and enforce them. Let your WH you are not going to just forget about it. If it truly is over, he must work on rebuilding the marriage with you including reading SAA, going to MC, writing a NC letter, changing his cell phone #, accounting for time, being an open book, etc. If he does not agree to this, then you should suspect the A is not over and start exposing.

what is your PLAN?

Pep

3 years

three years

THREE YEARS

this affair may go on another 2 years if you do what you have done so far....

do you want our help/advice or do you already have a plan?

Pep

Yeah I know three horrible awful terrible years, I dont need reminding, like I said earlier chest pain.

My plan? Would love to hear what that should be because I dont have a clue. Trying to finish school so that if it all blows apart at least I dont have to depend on his financial support.

I am confronting him when I can but like I already said, chest pain.

Exposing him to who? His parents are cheaters, my dad is dead, my mom is ill, the kids? already went over that. Siblings, havent talked to them in a year. Friends? dont have many except him of all people, none that I could confide this horrible of a thing. Spiritual advisor? Told me to put out more. MC tried a year ago, didnt work out. Considering individual counciling but everyone I have talked to said to leave him, I dont want that either for myself or the kids.

Now I am going to sound like the WS so hang in there. I do believe we were meant for each other. I know that he is still in there somewhere but the aliens have indeed got him. I want my husband back.

Call MB/Harley counseling center

HurtAndMad (I was about to abbreviate ham but thought better of it, lol),

You must at the very least expose this THREE YEAR LONG physical affair to OW's husband.

Listen, I went through this doubt and confusion just as you are. It's like walking through a minefield. You don't know where to step for fear of everything, your whole life, blowing up in your face.

But, if you don't get a plan together and act on it, start taking some small but certain steps, you will end up the angry BW again in another three years.

The best plan around is found here on MB. But you must do it by the book.

WS lie through their teeth, you know. About everything. They lie to you, they lie to OP, they lie to themselves, they lie to MC and IC, they lie about the stupidest things when the truth would serve them better. They lie and lie and lie. And then they lie some more. Adulterers are fundamentally and foremost liars.

You need to know what you are doing, much more so than you need to know what WH is doing!

My FWW said it all, too. She promised me the A was over, she had tears in her eyes, she said she was glad I found out, we went to MC for a year, she said was so sorry she hurt me...and guess what? The affair continued further underground for another five years (ten years total). It was going on even while she was saying these things.

Ten years is a freaking long time. Half our M at the time. Don't make the same mistakes I did.

But, by the book MB methods ended this VLTA even after 10 years and the previous DDay with it's false recovery. And it was exposure that drove a stake through it's heart. Pure and simple. Yes, Plan A and then Plan B, and the Rules For Recovery played a big part in keeping the VLTA dead, but exposure is what first isolated the adulterers in the spotlight. Nuclear winter exposure is what they feared the most. Exposure to his wife and children, all the families, friends (all of them), church, job, shirttail relatives of both of them...right down to his ugly dog. Exposure is what finally got their undivided attention. Only then did the MB plans and methods start to have an effect.

And, you must agree, OW's BH has a right to know what he is married to, doesn't he?

Do the right thing...tell the poor cuckolded guy ASAP. Strike while the iron is hot.

And I strongly recommend you call the MB counseling center. They are very good at this.

With prayers,