Maybe OWH can forget to spot him.

You ARE very brave!

Your WH is likely to be VERY angry at you for doing this.

You're probably going to have to expose this A to more people.

Exposure is your BEST tool to bust up this A.

Who else can you expose to? His family? Your church? Their work?

I'm saying a prayer for you as soon as I post this.

Keep posting...

~ Marsh

LOL

how long do i wait for OWH to respond before calling again? it's been one hour. i want to make sure OW doesn't intercept his phone and delete msg.

Hmmm...if I were you, I'd call again. And again, and again, and again...heck, you're already going to be the crazy person right?

Call again right now!!!

OWS contacted WH last night. OW and WH convinced him that they are "just friends". OWS does not consider their relationship inappropriate b/c there is no physical contact. He has no problem w/them talking on the phone excessively, texting, etc.

WH has completely changed his tune in the last two days. he says it is "a little much" that i expect him to have NC and not work out with OWS. he denies crossing any lines with her...i'm made out to be the angry, jealous spouse.

lovely

Thats really cute. but you have to speak to him yourself. I am sure your H and his honey have spun the story to him with you starring as the jealous psychobroad about their "friendship." So, call him up and give him the facts. tell him they are having an affair and are texting each other all day long. CALL him yourself,

Did you personally speak to OWH?

Not just leave a message for him?

I doubt he doesn't have a problem w/ them talking excessively, texting...that sounds like something a WH would tell his BS to make her feel as though she's the only one w/ a problem.

Pick up a copy of this book...

http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Relationship-Infidelity/dp/074322549X

Be sure to share it w/ your WH.

It's time to start doing some serious spying.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1


How much contact does he now wish to have w/ her?

Does he want to still be able to call her and text her?

~ Marsh

My phone message to OWS: "my WH has admitted to having an inappropriate relationship with your wife. i found this out through cell phone and text message records. i don't know how far it's gone, but i know there is definitely a strong emotional attachment. i thought you might want to shut things down on your end. i hated to leave this on your voice mail, but i'm doing everything i can to save my marriage, and i thought you'd want to do the same".

what more do i need to tell him? he has the opportunity to look at his cell phone bill, and i don't have proof of much else. he has blinders on if he has no concerns...he has been aware of their "friendship" and does nothing to stop it.

but it doesn't really matter what he thinks; my WH is not married to him! he's married to me and he knows i would not approve of the EA or else he wouldn't have hidden it from me!

he says he wants to work on our marriage, that he won't contact her without my approval...

They have probably spun the story to th OW's husband that you are jealous and CRAZY.

I think I would give it some time. Sometimes spouses are in denial, but sooner or later, it HITS them.

First off, you have no idea if he got the message at all. It could have been intercepted by his W. This is why it is NEVER a good idea to just leave a message.

And secondly, I suspect there has been much spinning of the facts going on here from your H and the WW. [most likely they told him you are an insanely jealous nutjob who is imagining things] You need to speak to the OWH to ensure he understands the TRUE NATURE of the affair.

You should also get his alliance to watch for contact from his end. Tell him how they are communicating and ask him to watch and contact you if he sees a resumption.

Its not difficult, but you do need him on your side. Two ppl watching them is much better than one.

Talk is cheap with a WS. Trust, but verify.....

i have the feeling he either talked to her or saw her last night. i'm not going to contact OWH again. i feel that it's the three of them against me, and i'm not going to waste my time trying to convince him.

new snooping plan: install keylogger on PC and digital recorder in car. cell bill comes out tomorrow. find someone who will help me check up on them (hard to do since we've just moved to a new community).

about plan A...how do you cope with the feelings of betrayal, conduct a military-grade snoop operation, "become a woman he would want to talk to two hours a day" and keep a family/household running (DD 10, DS 8, DS 2 months-breastfeeding) while he does his thing???? it is all overwhelming to me today!

Melody..i'm encouraged that you are happily recovered. is your story on the board?

Pray, I don't think it is the 3 of them against you, but I think it is the OW and your H trying to persuade you this is the case so you won't interfere with their affair. Until you personally speak to him and give him all the facts, anything can be spun. It would be easy to spin you as nutjob. Nor do you have any idea whatsoever if he even got your message.

But I think a better plan for now might be to keep him in your back pocket until you have irrefutable evidence of the affair via snooping. Then meet with the OWH and pass this onto him. But don't give up on him until you hear HIS LIPS say "I don't care."

I have no idea where my story is, it has been a long time since I joined here.

I second everything Mel told you.

Good work on the spying you're doing!!!

Get the proof and then meet face to face w/ OWH.

I have doubts he even got the message.



Yes, it is overwhelming.

But, you're doing great.

Read up on love busters and just by eliminating these you'll be making a huge difference.

It's impossible to hold it all together at home, that's why this forum is SOOOO important for you. Use it to vent, ask questions, pour out all your feelings...you will be given excellent advice, and support here.

If something new changes in your situation, go back to your first post on this thread and edit the title to reflect what is happening right now to you....that way other's who think they can help you will pop on your thread w/ advice or encouragement.

Here's a Do's and Don't list that Mr. W posted here...


DOs

1. Act Happy
2. Get a life (new activities, etc.)
3. repeat over and over..."I will make it"
4. Actively LISTEN....keep conversations at "to the point...small talk" ...don't blow it up beyond the waywards current comfort zone
5. Tend to Agree (Thank you for your truthfulness, It seems that way, you have a point)
6. Expand your social relationships (Being especially aware of your own vulnerability and keeping sharing and time with opposite sex relationships to an absolute minimum)
7. Get sexy (gym, new clothes, etc)
8. Focus on your strengths and Positives...don't put yourself down verbally or constantly go over what you did wrong
9. Accept Uncertainty (Do your best today and let God take care of tommorrow)

DON'Ts

1. Repeatedly say "I love you"
2. Ask questions that don't have answers yet
3. Criticize, complain, whine or nag
4. Say, "I've changed"....allow the wayward spouse to simply judge your actions
5. Argue, Reason or Plead
6. Don't get family or friends overly involved in recovery (notice I said "in recovery", EXPOSURE to bust up an active affair IS ESSENTIAL and EXPOSURE to the OP's spouse is an absolute MUST)
7. Act helpless or depressed
8. Discuss morality, invoke God or Dr. Laura type babble
9. Suggest marital counseling (must be the waywards idea)
10. Tell them continually "we need to work on the relationship"
11. GIVE UP

There are plenty of folks here who have recovered their marriages. In fact most marriages do survive A's.

I'm a FWW, I had an EA and thought I could never love my BH again.

But, guess what???

I was wrong.

I love him lots and lots now.

Take care of yourself.

Your little ones need a well cared for Mommy.

I'm adding you to my prayer list...know that others are as well.

(((((P4R))))))

You WILL make it.

~ Marsh

thanks so much. you both help so much! this was my second week back at work after maternity leave, and last week i had in-home help (WS's mom), so naturally i'm worn out and needing to get stuff done around the house. depression immobilizes me and that's not good for anyone, so i'm going to focus on #1-taking care of myself by getting the support i need #2-take care of my kiddos--they are my greatest joy, #3-snoop, snoop, snoop #4-eliminate love busters

after this week, we will all have two weeks off from school, so that will help AND give me more time to catch WS in a lie :-)

i'm so thankful for the forum...

Make sure you PERSONNALY talk to OWH. Voicemail is not enough.

You've got it, Pray!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Keep posting.


~ Marsh

BS is SO moody! distracted and depressed one minute--hyper and helpful the next. the struggle is obvious--trying to keep both lives going...i wish i had the evidence to really shatter his fantasy!

do i confront him with every little thing i find? it seems useless to question him every time he leaves the house or gets a phone call, but at the same time i feel that i have a right to know. if i did all of the above, it seems like we'd constantly be bickering about something, and i know that's not good...

some input please??