Stop drinking - yes.

AA - that's what tonight will wrap up

Okay. I would ask him to attend a couple of meetings. And you need to agree to work on your "secret". I'm sure there is a support group for it. Also Alanon will help you.

I'll be praying for good things for you and your family.

I'm all for Alanon, I might actually "fit in" there!

As for AA, hopefully he'll stick with it. We won't know till we try, but he's pretty cynical about stuff like that. This is probably because he & I both had the idea that it was for bummy wine-os. Hopefully attending one or two will cast away those notions.

My "secret"? Pertaining to my childhood, you mean? Well as described in my other thread I've told him just about everything...I think now in order for me to go back to trying to trust him w/that, I need to know he can be trusted with this. Ugh, this gets so overwhelming!

I appreciate your prayers, that is for sure - thank you.

Julie - Get help for your secret. Insist that he go to AA. There are normal people there. Once he attends, he will feel more hopeful.

believer, I'm not sure if you & I are beating a dead horse or if we're crossing signals or if we're just saying the same thing in different ways!?

I'm going to see how much help for how many issues Alanon provides me. IC is out of the question for now anyway, as my insurance gets adjusted. That's right, at this very moment in time, I have no insurance. Moving on...

H is home today as he can't work in this cold and he's still nursing a too-drunk-to-remember-how-this-happened sprained ankle. I left him a list of AA meetings today in our area. At this point I really want him to take the reins from there, pick one, and go - we'll see if this works. If not, then of course I will have to hold his hand but of course I'm hoping he does it on his own.

That's where we're at this morning.

Good for you. Yes he must take the reins from here. He should get at least 4 meetings a week right now or more if he can do it. Like I said before, he won't feel out of place as there are mostly regular people in AA. They may not LOOK like people who he'd hang out with, but we all have basically the same personality traits and character defects he can identify with and understand.

DF, I hope so too. With my H, the biggest hurdle will be GOING there - swallowing the pride of "I can do this on my own, because I don't want it to be a problem anymore either..."

With H I keep wondering, and am perplexed. In my case, I know why I was so shaken by what happened: it took me right back to hiding from my own dad, hearing my mom tossed around & the absolute fear and helplessness. For our friend who's quitting drinking, his dad was an alcoholic. For H though, he had his share of crap dealt to him in childhood but none related to alcohol.

Anyway, hopefully someone or something in an AA meeting can answer this for him, shed some light? Gosh I hope he goes.

The hardest part is going the first time. There are NO lectures in AA. Just understanding people. He needs to go NOW. It's only and hour and all he has to do is LISTEN...nothing else. After some time he may be compelled to share his story. He will begin to gain pride back.

Did you ask him if he believes in God or a higher power? The "I can do it myself" attitude is in all of us. We all have tried, and he's no different. It just depends on how many years he'll keep that attitude. All he needs to do is aske God for help, and be sincere about it. He must be honest with himself. He's been fooling and lying to himself for a long time.

You need to be strong. It's likely that now that he's home, he will start to slack a bit and start to get comfortable. Apply the pressure and let him know this is how it MUST be.

I've also found that AA has given me better tools for all of my personal relationships moreso than any MC can do.....really.

DF, are you the one who offered to talk to him via telephone? Not sure if that'll come into play or not but in case I need ammo, it'd be good to know who it was that offered.

No I didn't ask him if he believes in God. It's hard keeping all my thoughts straight & knowing which conversations are wise at what times. This summer my cousin killed himself and I took it pretty hard - and for the first time in my life, I really, REALLY wanted to reach out to our Pastor, I wanted direction. H told me "I fully support you, but just so you know, I'm not going to join you" He's got an immensely preachy mother who's born-again and a very wishy-washy sister who's lukewarm every couple of years. Christianity to him may be similar to alcoholism to me - bad memories & a lot of stuff forced down his throat.

I woory too that he may get comfortable, which is why I was second-guessing myself last night in letting him come home. It'd still be "easier" to keep him gone. I'm still unsure of how to be supportive & loving & strong in my demands at the same time! I'm REALLY hoping he's a willing participant in this. And I'm TERRIFIED he won't be!

I just got a text from H..."Just got home from AA meeting"

I'm so happy I'm shaking! I want to run home (can't) and hug him SO HARD! I want to throw him a EFFING PARTY!!

But I have to respond. What should I say!?!?!?!?

Look Mel, WE DID IT!!!

OK, let's try this. Ask if he wants to hear from someone who is in AA. Yes I offered to help and I would enjoy the chance. I was sceptical too. I denied my issues too. If a third party can tell him a little about it that may help. My e-mail is in this thread.

I can send you a picture of me and my family to show I'm not a low life bum either. I'm a 35 year old professional and I'm going through the EXACT same stuff he is now.

If he WONT go or does not wish to talk, at least have him call someone at AA.

He does not have to be religious either. His higher power can be whatever he wants it to be.

DF, look at my post - HE WENT HE WENT HE WENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What should my response be? I don't want to celebrate TOO much, right guys?

AWESOME!!!!!

Yes, give him praise, but let him know this is a continuing thing, not some single event.

Ask him how it went, if he told his story, if he can relate to other's stories.

The first step is for him to admit he is powerless over alcohol and leave it at that. A few more meetings and he should get hooked.

You need to run out and buy a AA Big Book ASAP. Daytime therapy will come from it. It's only about $6.50.

Don't get too excited.....his journey has only just begun. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Now he may want to talk. Approach him on this as well. He needs to speak to others like him and not family. He needs to get his issues out in the open, but under the fellowship of AA. He has a support group now. Encourage him and tell him you are proud of him.

I feel great about this too!

Well I just said, "That's great, H. Will you tell me about it later?"

He responded, "Yes"

I don't want to try "enforcing" ANYTHING via text message.

OH I'm so happy. I wish I could have been a fly on that wall. I wish I could have been there holding his hand. Hopefully there will be a time for me to do so, soon.

This speaks volumes, truly.

You need to give him more than that. "I'm really proud of you. It took a lot to do that."

OMG, I almost hugged my boss! (Don't like that guy) I need somebody to hug! I'm jumping up & down at my desk...tears are in my eyes...I can actually have a good life...H might actually be in it...WOW

Today there was beer & there was me. I won today!

I'll offer him to talk to you. I'll post back tonight.

[quote}You need to give him more than that. "I'm really proud of you. It took a lot to do that." [/quote]

Done and done. Copied, pasted, sent.

*E-HUG for you* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Great FIRST STEP! Give him a pat on the back. When will you be going to Alanon?

I suspect his drinking has scared the he11 out of him so he is relieved that you suggested going to AA. You cannot imagine the HORROR that one feels to wake up be told they did some terrible thing that they can't even REMEMBER. That is an absolute nightmare. Hope he sticks with it!

Good job, Julie! You are doing the most loving, caring thing by helping him get into AA. He will NEVER forget that you did for him someday when he is well into recovery. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />