It is exactly two years today that Noddy began his affair with Omelette.

Unfortunately, the affair in my situation wasn’t one of the 90% or so that ends within two years.

It is still going strong. Yesterday was OW’s birthday, and my DD’s went over there for her party.

I found out from DD6 that Omelette is two years younger than Noddy admitted when he left. She was 28 yesterday, and had just turned 26 when she began scr*wing my husband – although, once again, I am only going on what Noddy has told me. I actually think the affair began six months earlier, although he wouldn’t admit that because I was in hospital at the time.

I am still in NC. We are divorced, although financially things are far from sorted out. Noddy has refused to respond to requests for full financial disclosure, and to two requests from me for mediation. He won't discuss the children without Omelette fully involved, and I refuse to involve her in discussions about our children. So we are forced to go to court. Any settlement I now get will eventually be eaten up by fees and costs.

I am in a relationship with an old friend, but we are very different, and I know it isn’t going to last. I wasn’t ready for dating, let alone a relationship, and all he talks about is how things will be when we ‘live together’ and how he describes me as his ‘soulmate’ and ‘partner’ to everyone (we live in different countries, and he won’t be returning to the UK any time soon).

If I sound angry and bitter, it’s because I am. I had hoped that by now, my life would be turning a corner, but my illness just gets worse and so financially I am in the toilet. I can’t work, but because of the nature of my illness I can’t get disability either.

Omelette continues to deliberately hurt me by stealth. A couple of weeks ago, DD6 and I wrote out her Santa letters – one for me, and one for her Dad (so that we didn’t buy her the same things!) She took the letter to her Dad’s, where Omelette proceeded to tell her that there is no Santa Claus in Spain (where Omelette comes from) and that they write to the Three Kings instead. So her Santa letter meant nothing, and DD6 had to write a letter to the Three Kings instead. Now she is completely confused, and doesn’t really believe in Santa Claus any more, as he ‘doesn’t visit the children in Spain’.

I just can’t believe how Noddy can’t see how awful she is. Everyone else can. You’d think the fog would have worn off by now. But there is no sign that it has, or ever will.

I am still undecided about whether I should move or not. I am tending to think now that it is one heartbreak too far for my DDs - especially DD13 who I know would be devastated should we leave.

Yes, I am feeling very sorry for myself today. If anyone reads this, please send me a hug. Normally I am OK, but today is hard.

I still have my beautiful DDs to be thankful for. Even DD13 still seems to like me!

Alph.

Alphin,

I have always thought of you as a very special and beautiful woman. Despite what Noddy has put your through, I see your grace and dignity deeply embedded in your posts and feel the love you have for your children. Life has been very rough on you and I want you to know that I have great respect for you.

Physically we have never met but the picture of you in my mind is of a lady of grace and beauty.

As for the omlette, welp she's just a cracked egg IMHO. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> The OW doesn't come close to your beauty. You realize the Omlette has to hurt others to feel good. Sooner or later, she will crash. When she does.....let her fall. Don't try to cushion that fall.

Give your DD's a hug and let them know the Omlette is uneducated in her ways, bet Omlette couldn't explain her way out of a paperbag so they don't need to write to some kings they don't know. Let them know that later, when they do learn about those kings, they will find out those kings don't want letters...... Hm.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

{{{{Hugz from the middle of the big blue!}}}},

L.

Thank you, Orchid. Your post really means a lot. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Omelette is a sad and hateful person. Thanks so much for gifting me the image of her as a cracked, rotten egg. Bet she smells like one, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

The most annoying thing is that she's one of those people ol' Lemonman used to talk about: she doesn't get it, and she doesn't get that she doesn't get it!

She's got the skin (and, frankly, the backside) of a rhino. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks again.

Alph.

In my mind, omlette is scrambled, all lumpy and squishy at the same time. Not a good description for a person. LOL!!!

I miss lemonman. Wonder how he is doing!?!?!? Everytime I watch the TV show called House, I think of Lemonman. Hugh Laurie is a British actor (I believe) and quite adorable in a rude, crude and rugged way. I like his character. LOL!!! My husband hates how I c/b attracted to that type of a man. Boy does he have a lot to learn. LOL!!! Then again I like Kennau Reeves, too! Oh boy....

Well you take it easy and enter an R when u r ready. OK? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I gotta go to bed. It's well past midnight and well, these wrinkles are NOT going to go away if I keep staying up late. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

(((Alphin))) - sorry you've got so much ongoing muck to deal with. Better days lie ahead.

(((Alphin)))

Now I know who House reminded me of......<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alphin, there is no comparison between you and that Energizer OW. (She just keeps going, and going, and going....)

I had to laugh at Orchid's idea. I agree, I think your girls need to know the full truth about the Wise Men: they brought gifts ONLY to Baby Jesus, they went back home, told everyone what happened, got old, and DIED!!!

This is a perfectly legitimate time to undermine her a little, IMO, because your DD needs to be protected from the hurt and confusion the Omelette was putting on her.

{{{{{{Alphin}}}}}}}

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> the audacity of THAT woman is simply stunning

can you imagine yourself going to a foreign country and trying to impose your beliefs on the children there????

you would never do that ... because you are respectful and considerate of others

SHE is neither

I also cannot imagine a woman f'ing another woman's husband and trying to steal the affections of the children either

there are some compelling reasons to MOVE AWAY from such a person I think you ought consider ... this is not only about your 13-year-old's feeling ... this is also about the molding of her character and values

and right now
OW is a person of negative influence .... you may want to reconsider your choice not to move

Pep

Oh yes. She is truly a gem amongst OWs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I have thought about what you have mentioned - moving to get the kids away from the OW - and it is now the reason why I would move - if I did.

If the kids didn't love their dad so much - there is no resentment from them for what he has done, none at all - I would leave in a minute.

I fear that leaving here would make them genuinely hate me for taking them away from their dad. Not just teenage here today gone tomorrow hatred, but bitter, life-long hatred.

I can't be the bad guy here. After everything else, I can't have my children hate me as well.

I know I have a moral obligation to them - of course I do. I try and reinforce that morality when they are with me by living the best I can. I've said all I am going to say to them about their father, Omelette and the affair. I trust my girls to eventually see through all the fun and money that pair throw at them and see the truth.

They are smart girls. I pray that they will see the truth, one day.

Alph.

Alph

Your girls might hate you for not taking a stand against the woman who would steal them as her step children.

Do not do the easy thing because of what other, even your kids might think of you. DO the RIGHT thing.

Hi b0b.

Staying is impossible, leaving is impossible - neither are 'easy' decisions for me.

Is it right to deprive kids of their father because his girlfriend is a heinous cow? We are, after all, divorced now.

Noddy and Omelette are free to marry if they want to. If they do, then my DDs are her stepchildren, no matter how much I hate the idea!

Alph.

what OW is feeding your girls' minds is worse than soul junk food ... it is poison
Pep

"depriving" your girls of their father is a consequence - not a PURPOSE of their mother moving herself then the kids to an emotionally cleaner environment.

And you're right " easy" wasn;t a good word.Sorry.

I just want you and the kids away from the infidels and their terrible influence.

Easy for me to pontificate, all I had to do was threaten OM and he went dark.I can't imagine your situation Alph. Sorry for projecting there.

ps. I DO think you'd ALL be better away from the source of chaos though.

Hi Alphin,

Just thought I'd pass on the advice I've been given many times now and is starting to finally sink in:

As awful a mess as this is for you, things will eventually improve and you will be able to look back on this period of your life as a difficult time, but you will have survived it.

You've been on this forum long enough to see that not everyone can save their marriage no matter what plan they implement -- it just isn't within our control.

I remind myself that there are worse tragedies than divorce. I have a good friend who lost his only son to an auto accident at 17 years old. He also suffered through an acrimonious divorce, but is now remarried and blissfully happy with his present wife. But I wouldn't trade places with him. I can't imagine wanting to live if something happened to my son.

On a happier note, I love the way you English folks come up with nicknames like Omelette, etc. Reminds me of all the Dickens stories I read as a kid, with characters with names like The Aged.

TT, Jean and Neak,

Thanks for the hugs - really needed them today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Neak, Omelette does keep going and going. Though I can't see her as a cute bunny, rather as a raging bull, destroying everything in her path just to make her point.

Pep,

She sure is poison. She is an evil witch yet, legally, I cannot keep my kids away from her. Unless she is a violent, drug-crazed psychopath, I can't keep the kids from their dad.

Even if I were to move away, he would still be entitled to see them.

b0b,


It is. But it's a harsh consequence for the innocents to be taken away from everything they've ever known. I can't believe that another huge emotional trauma like that is necessarily better for them than to maintain the status quo, at least for now.

Hello Hiker.

Thanks for your post. I too try to count my blessings, though it isn't easy today. I think particularly of the aunt of a friend of DD6's who was abondoned by her alcoholic husband (he's now in prison for burglary and attempted murder) whose DD13 has gone completely off the rails. This girl has been expelled from school, is scoring dope, out all night etc etc. She has had no contact with her dad since she was 2. I shudder to think what cutting their dad out of my children's lives might do.

This poor woman recently attempted suicide - twice. I am so grateful that my children seem to be coming through this as well as can be expected. Though I know what happened has scarred them forever, I think they have coped amazingly well.

I genuinely think they would be much less happy if we moved away from here.

Alph.

{{{Alphin}}}}}}

“Staying is impossible, leaving is impossible - neither are 'easy' decisions for me.”

Well, you know what they say: anything is possible around here, the impossible just takes longer.

It sounds like you may be triggering on the approaching holidays and the 2’nd anniversary of WS’s adultery.

This also will pass. I go through this every year at this time. DDay 2 of the VLTA and FWW moving out was this month (4 days before Christmas, in fact). I still trigger.

Regarding moving with your daughters. Perhaps you can turn it into an adventure. Sit down as a family and map out the pros and cons with them. You start the list and let them add to it. Brainstorm with them how to enhance the pluses and mitigate the minuses. I suspect they will enjoy it. They will become invested in moving.

The items you put on the list to prime the pump can be focused, short and sweet.

Put on this list that they will still be able to see their father all the time. Assure them they will make new friends. Help them understand you need this move to help you heal. (They need to know this whole sordid business affected you a lot. Stoic acceptance from you is not in their best long-term interest. Demonstrating you will take action to overcome it is, though.)

I don’t know that they would be less happy if you all move. Ask them.

Don’t let your daughters fear the unknown, Alph. It is all a great adventure.

Besides, I have a vested interest in you moving. One of these days I want you to show me around Norwich (Norwich, right?) You make it sound like a cool place.

With prayers,

PS: Sorry for the lopsided e-hug. Typical two left feet me.

Jennifer Harley and SAA say that most affairs end 2 years from the date they are COMPLETELY EXPOSED TO EVERYONE not 2 years from the day they started

according to your info at the bottom of your posts

D/Day 2nd April 05

2 years for you will be in April 2007

Good point, eav - didn't think of that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Still fully expect it to be going strong come April, however. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Perhaps I'll just repost the entire thread then! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I don't expect that much will have changed in April - but you never know.

Aph,

Thanks for the lopsided hug - they're the best ones! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yes, I'm triggering all over the place. Christmas will possibly be even worse, as this is when 'the great lie' really began - ie, Noddy playing the devoted husband and father over Christmas, and our family's four birthdays up to March, whilst all the time he was planning to leave. He chose to leave one week after DD13's birthday, as he'd fulfilled his family duties by then. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So, I'll trigger all the while until the end of March, and then start again because it's the real affair anniversary and also two years since he left.

Joy!

Honestly feeling better this morning, though. And I've got two blokes coming around to value the house, because Noddy wants to sell it out from under us to pay off his debts.

So perhaps moving away is our fate, anyway.

Alph.

{{{ [[ ((((((Aplhin)))))) ]] }}}

That's a hug and an extra squeeze or two.

(((Alphin)))

Time wounds all heels - but not nearly fast enough. (T&L)

It also heals all wounds.