Hi, everyone! I'm so sorry that I haven't been around tto cheer everyone on!

L came back from MIL's after Thanksgiving and we are still trying to get into the swing of things. DH is still working nights, and F's doing well with the new behavior plan!

Dh and I are doing well. We still don't have a lot of time together. NC has been maintained since Sept. We decided to keep the same cell number and the last time OW called was Nov. 15th. DH wants nothing to do with her. The Sept. call was with her son and DH knows that he can't have a relationship with him either.

We have been doing really Great! We're very playful with each other and the OTHER GREAT THING...I'm sleeping more at night! I'm not waking up six or seven times...twice...twice a night! How wonderful is that!

Since L's home I haven't been able to go to any meetings but I still check in with my sponsor. Still working on speaking up, owning, and breaking the enmeshment...but life has changed for the better...

MIL even spoke up on Thanksgiving day...her, DH, and I didn't go to bed until 2am...since that talk we have started family prayer and the boys and I went to church this past Sunday for the first time in who knows how long.

So, there you have it...we're doing well...smiling and laughing more and home feels like home!

Thanks to everyone who has stood by me! My internet access is limited these days but I'll be around today!

Hi Rinder -

Glad to hear things are going well for you. Stay aware and stay present, and stay strong. I know you will do all three <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks HB, I trying to do ym best everyday...some days are a struggle but it's gotten so much better!

DH said one day in the early part of last week that something was missing between the two of us.

I said well, working nights will do that to you. There's no talking, no intimacy, no SF...DH agreed. We had a really good weekend. Had a Christmas party to go to and I even got DH on the dance floor for a slow song! LOL I was in heaven!

{{{{{{{Rinder}}}}}}}}}

Great to hear from you...sorry to know you aren't getting to the meetings...I'm sure you're working that out.

I'm happy L is home and F has a behavior plan...you sound good...great on the sleeping!! Big kudos on working that out.

LA

Thanks LA...I've missed you so much!

I do plan to get back to the meetings. I'm hopig that after the first of the year Dh will go back days! with the Christmas holidays...everyone's got plans...

And there was a serial killer caught a few blocks from our house a few days ago...so needless to say we're a little on guard with leaving the F by himself. This guy killed 23 people, all men...we have a homeless shelter a few blocks away...he had moved in there a few days before being arrested. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I'll get back to it! A meeting will just make you feel better about the world! LOL

Whoa...oh, yeah...I like your priorities!

I'm behind you on waiting...and enjoying L & F every minute of the evening...are you taking some good vacation time, too, right around the holidays?

Maybe you guys could make goodies for the homeless shelters WORKERS...they must be really shook up, as well. Appreciation bags of candy or something...to show solidarity and understanding...great compassionate stuff...'cuz I think your whole neighborhood area is reeling in their feelings right now.

See why you're missed? You're a brain trigger for me...to think and reach and know and see differently...just by being you, each day.

Thank you!

LA

LOL...Yeah, last night I let the boys string jingle bells together for the front door and the back door.

What's great is we didn't even know that we had a homeless shelter in our town until this week! DH is having a fit about the whole thing...

Vacation time...towards the end of Dec., I only have two vacation days left for the end of the year...and my boss is having surgery on the 15th...So, we're going to make two four day weekends to visit both our families...

My SD called and he's on his way in tonight...a family friend died of pancreatic (?) cancer last night...I'm not sure what's going to happen if he's going to be up for meeting the boys or what...please prayer for me...I'm a little nervous...

Well, Good morning Everyone...I hope that your night was well!

My SD got in late last night and went striaght to the hotel...he wants to have lunch with me today. From the way he was talking I doubt he wants to meet the boys. I may have to take an extra hour for lunch, I think he wants to talk about some financial stuff...your know life insurance and stuff in case something happens to him or mom.

Oh, LA, I'm sorry for your loss again. I hope that you are doing better and I pray that your hear heals!

I'm nervous about the whole situation but I know that it will be fine. I've learned that our fear is greater than reality, so it really makes heading into things easier for me...much less anxiety. Perhap I have started living more in reality than in the fantasy that I have created in my head, learned that "it is what it is."

I have pretty much stopped reading all the time...my sponsor mentioned that it seemed that I was using it as an escape...and I was...I could pour myself into a book...

Instead of reading, I'm doing other things...I helped L with some homework last night, soaked in the tub (nice and hot on a cold night!), and the three of us finished watching "Cars". I had to purchase the movie when it came out, we're all craxy about it. DH and I watched it Sunday night without the boys and granted I had already watched it, but we laughed the entire time. I reallt ENJOYED my time with him.

Well, let me get some work done. Still working on a massive mail out in our area...it's consuming a great deal of my time here...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Rin!

Good to see you around here again. I was thinking about you!

I just saw an article on that guy they arrested down there. Wow!! I can only imagine how scary that would be. I like LA's idea of making some treats for the shelter workers.

Hope things go well with your SD today. You wrote that you weren't sure if he'd want to meet the boys .... does that mean he's never met them before? I know you had past issues with him, but you also seem to have pretty strong family relationships, so I was surprised to read that. Maybe I read it wrong.

Glad you have both kiddos at home now. They can be maddening sometimes, but the good kind of maddening! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

-AmI.

Hey Rinder,

Thought I would post here, since you've got a thread going.

Holy Cow! A serial killer; WHOA!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I'm glad that you are safe, and if you can get a dog, at least for the warning barks, I would. I love my dogs; they can be a handful, but they become part of the pack, so you do control them (watch the Dog Whisperer or get his book--cause I know how much you like to read--Cesar Milan is his name--good practical stuff). In terms of travel, as long as you are sensible about the kind of dog that you get (small enough to board regularly, inexpensive to feed, etc.) then you shouldn't have too hard a time boarding them or having someone come to the home to walk him while away.

And, the response to your question about the locks, yes, I changed them myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I've always been a 'hands on' kinda gal. I know how to do lots, especially from working on my house and car. Basic maintenace on the car and lawn mowers. Take care of the pool every year. I've been doing some drywall work in my bedroom, have done much drywall work in the rest of the house. I plan on finishing up the bathroom tiling soon and I am going to be laying carpet squares in the entryway prior to Christmas. I enjoy yardwork also. I can cook, and sew and crochet (would love to learn knitting, and hope to make time for that soon). I'm a handy one...

hi, All! Well, things were good with SD.

AmI- We just started talking for Father's Day on this year! Since that time we may have talked a handful of times...because of who I married...interracial...SD had a KKK upbring...raised in south TX...oh, well...

He's seen F twice...by accident...and L once...by accident...

When he found out that I was Ming DH his rule was I was allowed at his house but my DH and kids weren't...well, in my book, you don't accept MY kids and my DH...you don't accept me...my boundary...

Well, I'll be going with him to the memorial service tomorrow night and the kids will be staying late at the sitter. Ever heard of a memorial service being held at a bar? LOL It's a first for me!

SL- I'm impressed with you...no wonder why you are my kinda of gal...LMAO...you can teach me drywall...one thing I haven't done! LMAO

I'm working on the small dog thing...I'm trying to wait until after the holidays...get the traveling out of the way...

Oh, I just can't wait to tell DH that I'll be going to a memorial service at a bar with my SD tomorrow night! I'm so amazed! Can we say ALCOHOLIC...come on everyone spell it with me A L C O H O L I C...Great JOB! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good Morning!

I just wanted to let you guys know what was going on...

Today, I'll be at the memorial, which is at the bar...LOL...crazy...he's being cremated and his ashes are being put in a 2 1/2 gallon bottle on Capt. Morgan's...

Anyway, aside from that, I got up this morning, and last night I woke up only once...(Do the dance of joy)!!!!!! That makes me feel great because I'm dealing with my SD and remember things about him...it's being some reality to me and I'm handling it great! And I'm sleeping well!

I feel great...my world has really turned around! I laid in DH's lap this morning...not in a rush to get dressed for work and he rubbed my back and shoulders. It was really great...I feel good about the two of us...

Well, he works tonight and he's off all weekend...We have his Christmas party to go to Friday night...last year he talked to OW during the party. I heard him on the phone with her, she was sick and he was talking about bring her a doggie bag after the party. Well, that didn't happen.

At first, I didn't want to go to the party but I figured the only way to get over this is to create a new memory of the party. So, we are going to it with the Good N's, she works for the same company and we'll be going out afterwards. So, I'm looking forward to it and I feel like I'm facing my "trigger/memory" head on...acting instead of reacting.

I did tell DH about my apprehension to going to the party and said that I would prefer not to go and why. Well, I thought about it and had a change of heart...especially going with people that I really like...that makes a BIG difference!

Okay, I'm finished rambling this morning...just clearing my head.

Oh, Oh, OH....SD came by the house last night...didn't get out of the truck but L can F were inside decorating the tree and they broke an ornament so, L came out to tell me. I told him not to worry about it and to go back inside. Well, SD died laughing at him and said that he was SOOOO cute. F came to the door also but didn't come to the truck, so SD got to see both of them.

It's a start! Well, I hope you guys have a great day! I'll be around again today. I've missed you guys SOOOO very much!

I found my copy of PERFECT DAUGHTERS...

It's sitting there waiting for me..

But I haven't opened it up again yet...

I'd much rather read SUCCULENT WILD WOMEN..

Shows you how far I've come in terms of my PERSONAL GROWTH, huh?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />)

Oh, Mimi...I let my sponsor borrow my book...thank you for having it ready...I don't even remember the questions that I wanted to ask...LOL

I've never heard of SUCCULENT WILD WOMEN...LOL...you'll have to explain what you mean by your growth...LOL

Sorry! So, Anyway, how are you doing? Prepared for the holidays and the kids...

Rin,

Look at you! Wowsers...present and aware...how terrific...great acceptance...O&H...you being authentically you!!

I'm inspired and thrilled...doing the happy dance for the one-time sleep interruption...and your great conviction that insomnia doesn't have to be your way of life...and that stress will not determine your life, but you will determine, be aware of your stress roots.

Happy tears of joy...and I think the bar is a great, honest place to have a memorial...respecting others' decisions...and you, going with SD...replacing those memories and triggers, even as you are going to the party tomorrow night...not FORCING yourself...accepting and being aware of how very different it will be...and your FWH, a source of comfort and connection...no longer an enemy of your marriage...

You are acting from your own grace...hope you are feeling how much receive it as well...

{{{{Rin!!}}}}

LA

I have a SUCCULENT WILD WOMAN thread on here that I started a few days ago...

I will get back to it when I get time to get back into the book...

Been real busy lately...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA-

Thank you very much for noticing. I was just talking with my boss and explaining that it's like I've had a lifestyle change. The past 8 months I feel have had a very positive effect on me...I'm more relaxed and accepting.


It's funny that you say this...it's just the word enemy...FWH being an enemy to our M...WOW...I didn't really think of it that way before...I thought about OP being the enemy but not really him, using that word anyway...weird...probably don't even make sense...LMAO

That's okay...makes sense to me! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh, I had to explain to F last night that his brother was not yelling just to get on F's nerves. I had to explain the "it's not about you, it's about him!" The world's not out to get you...gave some examples...it was strange...

I notice these things now with the kids and have to stop whatever's going on and explain things like this...

LMAO...It's like the SUPERNANNY has visited my house!LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

HUH?

I feel his love in his touch...the look in his eyes...his words, telling me to rest...I hear the ache in his heart when he has to leave for work and can't be with us...

He took my Christmas decorations down yesterday...LOL...I only asked last Sunday night...the tree was up with the lights on it...and you know it didn't bother me that it was like that for over a week...

I just didn't care and I let the kids decorate it and I left it that way...in the past, I go back after they're in bed and move the ornaments...not this year...I'm just not so...UPTIGHT! LMAO

I know I feel in love...LMAO...now I may not next week...LOL

We hug more, kiss...all of us...we still have a lot to work thru...I have a few things I want to talk about but I'm waiting for the right time for me...the right words to come from my mouth...

Then, there are some things that I know that we don't agree on...I leave those things alone...I can't change his mind and he can't change my mind and that's okay...people need to agree to disagree sometimes...

mimi-I'm going to go read up on it!

I understand about being busy...please no, 2X4 for me not being around! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin, I'm so glad things are going good for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Things are still the same around my home <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I updated my post if you get a chance to read it.

You and your family are in my prayers every night. And gald to see you went to church that will help you alot.

Peace be with you

Rin,

Geez it seems like yesterday you were needingcomfort. I remember reading your first posts and how bleak things seemed. How we both felt that our FWS were exactly alike in a lot of ways.

Now here you are and things are going very well and I am so happy for you. Now here I am and things are going so well for me.

Maybe our FWS are the same people after all.

I am so darn happy for you. I haven't really been around much lately. I bop in and then out but I wanted to say hi and tell you I am proud of you!!!!!

Great job.

HAHA! Frog, i would love to hear more about you and your life when you get a chance...

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me all those long months!

(((((Frog)))))

MF- Merry Christmas! I'm sorry to hear that things are the same...please don't give up your faith...I've had a few turning points and I think one of them was when I decided to give my M over to God.

I'm very grateful to him for standing beside me when I didn't want any part of him! The guidance that I have recieved from him has been amazing...I just needed to listen!

With church, the boys and I will be going this Sunday. Now, whether DH come or not is up to him. I can only be the lighthouse!

Loving you all and wishing you the best of the holidays! May miracles happen for us all!