UGH, I talked to H a few minutes ago...he said when F got home today, GOGO was out of her cage and had toilet paper shredded from one end of the house to the other...

I called H to update him on my Dr. appt., tomorrow at 3, and just to talk...see if he got anything done that he wanted to do today...he told me he were ride to a friend's house, they were going to work on the bike...

H has some lights he wants to put on and LOL...on the way there he got stopped by a cop who said he was going to fast...H only got a warning...and they are going to put the lights on later this week...

We said our I Love you and hung up...I wasn't expecting him to be home when I get home, but H said that he wasn't leaving until after five...

I stopped at the car wash last night to clean off his truck...must have had an eighth inch of dirt on it...I usually don't wash his truck b/c it's SO high and I can't reach everything but I knew he would appreciate it...

H even joked with me last night about there actually being a truck under all that dirt...saying "it's really white", this was about one in the morning...

I'll be happy to see the Doc tomorrow...hot today and plans to be cold tomorrow...what to do with this weather?

Rin,

It sounds like you have embraced the recovery process, no matter what principles you follow. That's great. You seem to be contented to give, and to make H smile. You sound more grounded. You sound good.

I think someone mentioned that my taker was out in full focus...

Not an easy task to accomplish...I do feel better...definitily more grounded and centered...

I before E like my spouser says...Intelligence before emotion...it's really helped me focus on what's important...I think I was overlooking some of the things that H did b/c it wasn't the way I wanted them...

I agree with all of you who say it's slow and tenious progress...LOL

Good Morning! H is having a rough time at work with this one project, something about the drawing aren't right. He told me last night that he told him boss that he would be in late tomorrow.

He said that the boss asked why and H said b/c it's my anniversary. I wasn't expecting to spend any time with him tomorrow. I don't know if he's got anything planned and it really doesn't matter. I mean if we do anything, just spending some time together is nice right now. I'm not expecting a gift and hadn't planned to get him anything.

We just used the money we had to pay some bills and that a gift to me, working as a team to get some things out of the way...that means SO much to me.

We plan to have lunch together today also, a friend is coming into town that we haven't seen in awhile.

Oh, H bought me coffee again this morning and once again changed the cup before waking me up with it. That may not seem like a big deal to you guys but we talked about the store this last time and to him it's just a store that he's gone too for five years. I told him that to me, it was more than that for me.

I asked if he ever drove down the road and a memory would come to him. He said sure but nothing bad...I said well that's what it's like for me. I'll see something or something will happen and it will remind me of the A. The store does that for me, I said that I was trying to change the way I thought about the store and I had a good start because now I think about getting GOGO from there.

I told H it's not that I do this on purpose, think about his A and to be honest I would rather not, this imagaines just come to me.

Changing the cup makes me feel understood...his way of helping me...the first time he did it, it took me a few days to process the hold thing...I saw the store cups in the garbage but it was like it didn't hit me...so when it did I made a point to thank him and tell him that I really apprecaited it.

Like you say Frog...I feel like we're working as a team right now...

That last conversation we had together before we went nights was very calm and looking back I think alot was accomplished given how we've been together...

I think that I learned my lesson on the whole night thing...last time I was worried and feeling uncomfortable about it, but not this time...I cherish the time we get to spend together...I handle the boys and don't bother him with the details until I see him...

MOF, I called him last night and he didn't answer...no problem, I figured he would call when he got a cahnce, well, I woke up at one and still no call...so, I called to see how things were going, he said that he didn't even feel the call working on this project...

It was raining pretty bad last night and a friend of our was at the shop with H (it's the friend's project that's giving all the trouble)...Well, E said "don't call now and tell us you're scary of the weather"...so, I joked back and told H to tell him, "Don't worry I wouldn't call you and ask you to come hold my hand."

So, I got to joke with him and tell him good night. I really think it's all about my attitude and his...I see him being more positive...it's like all those months, we were in a power struggle...when I gave up my part, he let go too...

Well, thanks for listening to my ramble on this morning...I've got to write about the good times, in case I hit some bad, I can come back and remember that not everything is bad...LOL

Oh, I wanted to mention that I'm hearing more and more these days comments from H like this "I don't know how she's put up with me all these years."

He's telling this to our friends...I remember because this morning a friend of our called to wish us a happy valentine's. She was on speaker phone, she called me, and I reminded her that our anniversary is tomorrow and that's when H made the comment.

It's not the first time that he has said this kind of thing...I don't ask anything when he says this...just accept his statement...I can say that I don't understand why he says this...I mean yes, I do think that he has put me through ****** but that road runs two ways...

I just thought this was important to mention...

Hey, Rin!

Happy anniversary! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Sounds like you have some great plans for getting soem time together that day and V-day.

I'm a little late to the party, but I'll second the people who were suggesting crate training! We did that with our most recent dog (I was never a dog person before H came into the picture), and it was wonderful. Such an amazing difference from our first dog!

The first couple of nights were a little rough, but after that, the crate made potty training a breeze, and we've never had incidents of coming home to a torn-up house. (Although our dogs stay outside during the day, except for when the weather is really awful). We only ever had one accident in the house, and now his crate is his safety zone -- he loves it and will go there when he's tired or scared or even just bored. He even keeps all his toys in there, and it's so funny to watch him go get them out and then take them back in there with him.

Glad to see you posting around here more often again. Sounds like you are happy.

-AmI.

Thanks, AmI!

H is here now...we're going to lunch with a friend from out of town...

I was joking with him a few minutes ago...saying that he won't be any good to me this afternoon if I get a shot...

Put up L, get my meds, etc...

He joked back...I told him not to worry I will make it...H just might not get supper tonight! LOL

Rin,

I make the same comment your H did about the FWW putting up with me all these years it is a guy thing.

I like your new perspective though of logging the good times so you can remember them.

Part of my reality in this world is doing just that. Sometimes the little things that are nice and other people would like or appreciate we don't see or forget easily when our S does them.

I remember the good things because I need to. For many reasons but when my FWW and I disagree she liked to through out how I only see the bad etc. Then I can roll off a list of things I like and how I mentioned and thanked her for them.

Sometimes knowing there is good there to see will help you make it to the next place.

Thanks Frog...I think I focused on the negative so much that I lost all the positive...like you said with your FWW...

I've come to the conculsion that FWH could have been trying to work on the M but I was SO caught up in wanting him to do things my way...I don't think way is a good choice of words but I think that you will understand...from my POV, the things that I would do...how I would show remorse...that I wasn't seeing the way HE was showing remorse...

That culped with my pain and hurt possible took us on a longer course...I thought I was trying to work on the M, in my own way, and I could have been pushing him away more...I admit now...what I thought was a good Plan A was not...not I am in a solid, I feel, Plan A...

We have been getting along for four weeks now...no change in behavior on his part...negativily that is...

Tonight, I had to get out to pick up F from religion class, so b/c I was sick it was be kind to Rin night...while I was there I got H something to eat and brought it to work...I didn't have too, but I wanted to...so I did...

Well, he thanked me and rushing me home to get some rest...LOL...that was my orders...so here I am...bumming on the sofa, typing away, after having eaten and taken my meds...

Having overcome the lump today...acting instead of reacting...I'm on top of the world mentally and emotional...

Just KUDOS to me...(huh, LA?) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

AmI, you learnn' anythin' lit' gir'? LOL

Good Morning and Happy Valentine's to ALL!

I am having a great day and I plan to keep it that way...

H is having a hard time trying to find someone to work for him a few hours tonight so that he can go in late...he said that he would at least like to enjoy dinner with me...

I'm getting off a little early today to spend some time with him at least an hour...

We had such a great conversation last night when I called him...I posted on the other thread it was almost like he didn't want to hang up...we talked about today and our friends...what's going on with him at work...what I got the boys for V-day...they were SOO thrilled this morning...not only with what they got but with the cards they made...

They couldn't wait to give them to us...and L came into the living room to get dressed and announced very loudly that he would be getting his trophy just AS SOON AS HE GOT DRESSED...he had to ask if I made it and all sorts of our questions...

The mood in the house has been so wonderful and that's really ALL I need today...to know that I have worked SO hard and my payoff is a loving family still intact after this past year...

Oh, I have to register L for Kindergarten today...my baby will be attending school this fall...boy time flys by...

Well, you all have a blessed day...think positive...ttitude can change everything... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, today's still going great...my main goal for the day...

I left a few minutes early for lunch to register L for K next year...come to find out he's missing a shot...I'll have to take care of that this summer at his check up...

Aside from that, I rushed home to take a "nap" with H...LMAO

I have to manage my time appropriately you know...just helped add to the "blessings" of the day...LOL

That hallway SF will kill you...you know slap on the a$$ and an I love you...LOL...we joke about it often...

Good Evening! H was able to find someone to cover for him for a few hours so the kids and us went to dinner.

Short and sweet...we hada good time...I enjoyed the time with him...not to mention that I got to get off early...so I got three hours plus lunch and this morning...

I didn't get a gift but I understand how tired he is working nights and not sleeping well during the day...the rent house next door is getting some remodeling and they have been hammering and making all kinds of noise...not to mention the other neighbor got his car stuck in the backyard and was revving the engine most of the day yesterday to try to get it out...

Poor H...I feel so bad for him...he felt bad b/c he didn't get anything for me...I told him well if you so tomorrow everything will be on sale (with a laugh)!

All in all it was a good day...dinner went well...I looked a few tables down and there was a couple with their six month old baby and little boy...the H was holding the baby while his W ate...I walked over b/c H and I were just waiting on the kids to finish and I said that I would be more than happy to hold her while he ate...

This was new for me...completely out of character...I'm nervous around babies b/c when I was yound I was feeding my half brother for my stepmom.I was finished so I put him down on the floor and he threw himself back and hit the corner of the wall, cut himself right in his eyebrow and needed stitches...She started yelling and screaming at me and said that I did it on purpose...

I remember telling her that I didn't expect her to believe me either since no one believed me at home...I remember her stopping in her tracks and telling me she was sorry but the damage had been done and I didn't hold another baby unless I had to until my kids came along...

I just didn't see any point in this guy's steak getting cold...I've been in that position and she was so cute...the boys enjoyed her too...it was good and it made me feel good too!

Well, we're all settled in for the night...F's finishing his homework, L's cleaning his room, and I took my meds for the night...so I'm set for some peace and quiet after they go to bed...

I'll cuddle up with GOGO on my feet and veg for awhile...LOL...with intentions of going to bed early compared to last night.

I'm pretty proud at how my day turned out...I could have focused on all the bad stuff but decided to make it a good day...I got more than I expected in regards to spending time with H...and got to spread so love today...

Good Morning everyone!

After I signed out last night I called H to see how things were going at work...he sounds very upbeat and in good spirits...

I am really enjoying the conversations that he are having...He apologized again for not getting me anything yesterday...I said well my day went like I wanted it...I wanted to enjoy the simplier things in life and that's exactly what I got...I got to spend some time with you and the kids...

We talked for about a half hour...and then, I said that my meds were kicking in and I needed to get some rest...H said that I better do that...

I had called him to let H know that F needed another jacket b/c last night his jacket fell on the floor and she decided to chew a hole and pull the stuffing out of the sleeve...

H said that's not a problem. F was so upset...he loves that jacket...H plans to get up at lunch today and we're going shopping for a leather jacket for him...I'm also going to check on another LSU one for him today also...

I guess that all depends on how tired H is today...

Since we had that last discussion about our M, no more Open [email]cr@p...H[/email] doesn't know how but knows that there is a WAY that just the two of us can be happy together...life has been SO great...I feel so comfortable...He doesn't try anything that makes me feel uncomfortable, you know, ASF...

I even got a smile out of him this morning...teasing him...

Life is good...it feels like REAL recovery...not like the last times...

I'm proud of the war that I waged...and feel that all the pain, hurt, anger, and everything else that we went through was SO worth it...


Thanks to everyone here putting up with me, my boundary stuff, my moods, etc. I am truly grateful to you all...I'm sure we will have our bad days together but I also know that if we stick together like we are now, they won't last...

I've got my H back and I'm loving it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Rinder,

I saw your post right above mine. Thought I'd chime in for you this time. I'm glad things are finally paying off. I still have a very long way to go, but stories like yours give me hope. I'm sure there are plenty others who feel the same way. I hope H continues down the same path.

Good Luck

Me too! Thank you SOOO much...it's been SOOO rough...

You'll get there...

Just have faith!

Oh, I failed to mention that F has been doing really well in scholl the past two weeks...

Yesterday, he brough his test papers home and he had all A's...including conduct...the week before B's with an A in conduct...

I was thinking about it and I really think that you can tell when things aren't good at home b/c it's reflected in your child's grades...at least it has been with our oldest.

I'm very proud of him...

I just got off the phone with H and we were talking about F...he said that he didn't had any homework today and H said that he's taking him at his word...primarily b/c he's been doing so well lately...

I told H that I was going to take F tonight to get a jacket...I called around and there seems to be no LSU ones and the place H wanted to go, we would have to order one.

Regardless, F needs a new jacket so we're going to go look tonight...it will be a nice outting. Tomorrow's suppose to be colder than today...freeze warning in effect...if that's the case than I don't think I'll be bring the boys to the parade...it will break their hearts but we've had enough illness in the house...I don't want to take that chance...

I'm sure that I can find something to entertain us...LOL...Saturday may be the same thing...I may go to the Sunday one...We have to go to the Monday night one...Friends are riding and have some things for the kids...then Tuesday's the BIG DAY! We'll be up really early that day to get our spot!

Frog- I hope that things calm down for you...your DS's, the moving...man...I feel for you...

Take care!

LA- Have you been keeping up with me? LMAO...I haven't heard a whole lot out of you on my sitch...I must be doing wonderful...LOL

Rin,

Oh nice theory about the school thing. But not in my case. My FWW and I are getting along great. Things are great. Life is wonderful and now OS deecided he needs to add grief to my life. LOL.

Maybe he was being good while things were tough because I had all I could handle. Now I can handle him being a butt head.

I am dragging him out Saturday for manual labor.

Perfect answer to me...that's what my parents would do to me when I got in trouble...

Arce of land...I push cut it, weeded the flower beds...drag limbs...picked up rocks...you name it...

LMAO...it got to the point that I didn't mind it so much and really enjoyed it...fresh air...nice workout...they should have changed their punishment...LOL

Well, I DID hate picking up the rocks...our dogs dragged them all over that lot...

Rin,

So what you are saying is don't get him to used to that type of punishement he might actually start enjoying it.

The good news is that he actually already got the F up to a C- I just saw it posted.

So now it is having a consistent pattern of behavior that we are working toward.

I have stripped away ALL of his priveledges and he isn't getting them back at any specific time. His time frame is not a B average but a minimum of B's in all his classes.

We will see how that goes.

He is trying the pitty party but nobody is buying it.

I know we can get it fixed. I think he now sees a united front. I think he feels like a deer caught in the headlights.

Well, I'm wishing you well with him...we've discussed the kids before and I think the major difference b/t our OS is the age...

He's in sixth grade right? Or fifth? I remember sixth grade being hard...not the subject matter but the kids...

I taught sixth also...it's like they are having a hard time figuring out where they fit in and trying to hard to "fit In." JMO, I'm sure that I'll enjoy that age when mine get there! LOL

Well, I didn't move F back into the his original room with L. I've found that it's so much easier to put them down at night...LOL...no talking or anything like that...

Of course, on the weekends that's a different story, I let them sleep in whatever room they want...the TV's in L's room, so they spend a lot of time in there.

LOL...I really only have to complain about one room being dirty...

I have to tell you that I am very excited about you and I being in good places...the change is a result of me in the house, I do know that...

Of course, I heard words from him that I needed to hear about it just being us and his actions are still constant...very upbeat when he talks to me...I love you's...

I'm just so thrilled but I know that it wouldn't have happened had it not been for the attitude change that I've had...I think I was trying to be a good wife and heal but the pain was still in the forefront...until I made the choice to move on, I believe we were stuck...

I think about your crumbs comment from time to time and think no, if I was getting crumbs his attitude would have changed by how...he's not good at keeping up fronts...

LOL...I hope you get some rest this weekend with the move and everything...I remember at one point you didn't havea night off until the weekend...how's your schedule now? Aside from the move...LMAO