OK, I guess I thought the occasion was a given, but I can see how it isn't. I am talking for Christmas.


Uhhh, stage of relationship..... early. The first several dates were casual in a sense that I was seeing other people, and didn't ask her if she was or wasn't. But, now we are at the stage where I know that she is not (and was not) seeing anyone else, and I made the decision to not date anyone else on my own. I kinda sorta let her know that I made that decision, without asking her to do the same, but she volunteered the info.

Let's see..... some of her likes...... Wine is good, and she likes chocolate (don't all women? and me too for that matter). We both like the performing arts, but she already has season tickets to the local performing arts center.

She has two adorable little girls. She has a little dog that is spoiled rotten.

I mentioned that she owns a business that produces spa / skin products for women, so the oils and stuff, I would figure she has that stuff in abundance?

She did mention that she likes massages.... (maybe she was hitting on me? Ha! Just joking)

The thing is, to me, something consumable like wine, chocolates, a massage, stuff that you use and then is gone, doesn't have the same touch as a durable gift that is always there. Does that make sense?

Then again, the wine, chocolates, etc... seem "easier" for a guy to figure out.

Although, the "breaking up until after the New Year" option does have some desirability.....

I am thinking maybe just do the shotgun approach to cover all my bases.... Maybe a basket with wine, gourmet chocolates, maybe a massage certificate, and flowers. At least one of those has to hit the mark, right? Or could all that “stuff” seem overwhelming?

One other thing I had thought about, pajamagrams.com. They seem kinda cool. But is that maybe too personal? I would be thinking flannel stuff, not sexy type stuff. Here’s a bad omission, I got that for the ex last Christmas right before D proceedings started (because I am either a really nice guy or a total schmuck, I think both), and I thought the way they packaged the pajamas, and the overall product was very good.
But, I would have to do some work to find out what size to order (could be fun work though!…. Ok, that’s bad. I am being a smart-as$ there so don’t take me serious, JUST PLAYING!).

I am really starting to stress, because I want to get something that says “I really like you”, but not something that would make her think I am saying “I am totally obsessed with you”, which would probably (understandably) totally weird her out.


So tell me again, why are women so complicated?

I think the Pj idea is very thoughtful and a nice touch, but I also feel it's too soon. Maybe after you're in the relationship longer.

I do like your other thoughts though and feel she would appreciate them. I don't think at 2mos you need a long remembered gift.

You're on the right track. I think it's neat that guys put thought into these things. Most women appreciate that trait!

K.

Women? Complicated?
Try buying a gift for a man!!!
LOL

Personally I think my BF is pretty darn lucky -- cuz he can shop for me at Pepboys or AutoZone. I like tools and car parts. Course I always ask for something girly too -- just to make him squirm! LOL

I have always enjoyed an activity completely planned by my BF. Is there any way to have a sleighride in the snow? What about some other activity that she might enjoy, like skiing? Or snowshoeing? I personally don't want an object that will clutter, or that I don't (at my age) need. What about renting a fancy car and doing a day trip somewhere?

cm

Well, it does make sense that it doesn't have that lasting effect, but it makes for a very romantic evening and is appropriate the first Christmas...The first Christmas with J I put a post similar to yours on here, I ended up taking one of the suggestions which was happened to be just what you are describing, a basket of goodies.

I bought the basket, put wine, cheese, crackers, fruit, chocolates, candles and then added candle holders which matched J's decor and is something he still uses, maybe a couple of other things, I can't remember, and we used the basket New Years Eve night. We had a perfect evening that night, one of our nicest looking back. We rented movies, stayed in and enjoyed each others company. I did feel a little odd enjoying "his" gift too though.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Perhaps add theater tickets in the basket...

The basket after you add it all up is not a cheap gift, but it is something that seems more appropriate your first Christmas. Although, wouldn't it be funny if she buys "you" a basket and vice-versa. HAH!

A

I am in the minority here, but I do not feel that jewelry is too intimate a gift! A nice pair of earrings or a bracelet is completely appropriate, IMO. You're dating exclusively, and you like her! Go ahead. It's jewelry, not an engagement ring <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

A bracelet.

That cashmere scarf would excite me to no end. I am a sensualist and sometimes it is all about the texture, the color, the smell. I am craving a cranberry/orange candle right now and can not find one that pleases me.

Cashmere scarf in black, red, pink, gray, brown, something that will complement her coat or eyes.

I think there is significant jewelry -- like diamonds, rings, anything heart-shaped.

And then there is a whole world of other jewelry choices -- like bracelets, earrings -- that any woman would appreciate and enjoy. I don't think a nice pair of gold earrings conveys any deep meaning.

What about a gift card for a manicure and pedicure rather than a massage???

A simple pair of earrings wouldn't be too intimate either IMO.

For the first gift my husband gave me when we were dating it was a very nice bracelet. Not terribly expensive but still very nice. We'd been dating two months and were exclusive but there had been no ILY's.

Well, I wish I could say that all of the comments here have helped me make a decision. But I am still entirely unsure of what I am going to do.

I am down to ( in no particular order):

1) jewelry
2) basket with wine, chocolates, maybe massage certificate
3) wtf?

Maybe this weekend will help me come up with a good idea....

Procrastination: "Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?"

Oops sorry....didn't see that post! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I do really like her. But, there is still some caution in me due to what I was put through.
She has been through about the same type of ordeal that I have, around the same time frame as well. The cool thing is that neither of us have ever really felt the need to sit around commiserating with each other about that. I have felt all along that that is a good sign.

Also, I have this thought in the back of my mind that I don't want to come on "overwhelming" and come off as needy or whatever, and scare her off.
I will say that that is my normal behavior, not a "new" thing post D. I can kind of be OCD about things in all faucets of my life.....

You are right to be concerned. Going overboard is a cardinal sin. One can get squeamish. In the beginning stage of a relationship, any gift can be construed as loaded.

Don’t engrave or monogram any gift if you have been dating for less than a year; and don’t spend more than $100 if you have been dating for under three months.

Steer clear of “makeover” gifts. You don’t want to give the impression that you are trying to push an appearance change.

I would steer clear of clothing. If it is not her taste she may feel obliged to wear it so as not to hurt your feelings. She may think you are pushing the relationship along too fast by pushing your tastes onto her. Even something as benign as an elegant cashmere scarf. I love scarves on other people, but I don't wear them well myself.

You could try to find gifts that fit with your new friend’s interests. Does she have a special hobby? Like a specific kind of music? Enjoy a particular artist? If you do not have a clear picture of what she likes or enjoys perhaps you could ask.

Are you going to deliver this gift yourself? I would make sure the gift is attractively wrapped. Taking a moment to include a hand-written note to show you care, adds warmth and sincerity. This can be more meaningful than the gift itself.

Perhaps you could have flowers delivered at her home or work. There are some great holiday choices for centerpieces, evergreens and candles, wreaths delivered from Maine (LL Bean) etc. Where I live, edible fruit arrangements (the fruit is cut to look like flowers) are very popular right now. Flowers can also be delivered alongside holiday confections etc.

This reminds me of my X <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
He was buying me flowers twice per year... flowerpot... for 'it lasts longer' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I.e. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Tired Dad,

Leonidas chocolates are the best in the world (IMO). They truly are creme de le creme. I found them, first, in The Hague but they are actually Belgian and Belgian chocolates are the best there are. You can buy them on the Internet. This past Monday I had a brilliant wine that you can also buy on the Internet (but not you local store) - find a Turley Zinfadel somewhere 2001 or before - this will run you approx $70 or so for the wine and another $40 or so for the chocolate.....If she likes both, this will be a good gift because it shows you know her likes/dislikes and its not too commital....yet, its pretty impressive.

Regards,

BB

Bracelet would be good....IMO

Winter scarf and matching gloves. Go to Nordy's, the sales person can help you pick out whats right.

Don't spend more than $75.00. Its do-able

Signed,
Jo (a Nordy's shopper)

Well, did the chocolate thing, from Leonidas (thanks Brit).

Also, yesterday I was buying an ornament for an exchange at work, and saw a nice one that I liked. A lady standing next to me showed me that the ornament opens up (where you put the jewelry, she said...).
So, I took that as a sign and purchased some ear rings last night to put in it and give to her. They are not elaborate, just gold / white gold, less than $75.00.
I am thinking that will be ok. It was never the money amount, as she knows what profession I am in and the general income level it entails, but more of a concern of the "appearence" of jewelry and the "loaded" emotional intentions that can carry.

My new dilemma is when to give these gifts to her? I get my children this weekend for the next several days (50:50, every other week) and so won't be going out at all until the New Years weekend.
She has invited me to a party at her house tomorrow evening, where she has invited 3 of her friends and their husbands.
So I have some stress over meeting the friends, and really don't want to give her the gifts in front of them....

I like having everyones attention when I am trying to be funny <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />, but don't care for the spotlight when things get mushy..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I think she will be delighted TD. And if she only knew the thought you've put into this, she'd be very pleased!

I think tomorrow night is appropriate. My thought is, show up earlier than the guests. If that's not possible, wait until after they're gone. I'm with you though, I would not give the gift in front of the friends.

Enjoy the party. My guess is, she's already spoken highly of you to her friends. Otherwise, you would not be on the guest list. Go and be the guy [yourself] that she's excited for her friends to meet!

K.

Sounds like you did well...relax and enjoy the evening.