Okay, you talked me into it. I'll find one.

I really think it will help you. Your plate is very full now, and real life support will be good.

sdg........ditto......I feel like those things are just time fillers....I still feel deflated at the end of the day....but I guess no matter what we do, we are bound to feel lonely without the one person we want to be with. I am trying to accept that.....true happiness without WS will take some time....its like a journey to get there, a drive through a long and boring desert....:(

Hey SDguy,

I fully understand your comment about not really feeling like doing things. It feels forced and unsatisfying. I have very few friends right now and none I would consider close. Coaching basketball and having DD19 down on the weekends have been saving my life. But everyday feels a little better. Spring is setting in now and the gardens are going to need work. I am making plans for home projects to start as soon as the D is final.

It is a strange spot to be in. Not married, not single. The waywards have cast aside their morals concerning their marriage vows and live single with only some logistical issues troubling them. We continue to stand by our vows as honorable people should and live in limbo. But I would never change places with them. Their Hindenburg is coming. We will leave Plan B smarter, stronger, wiser, more compassionate and still have our dignity.

The limbo will end. Our limbo is sort of like that moment of pause when the last horse is loaded into the starting gate at Belmont and all goes still. But look what happens when the gates fly open.

I tried to get a post in last night, sdguy, but there was a lot of commotion about sippy cups in the house and that was first priority.

I don't like to find 'new' hobbies either. I enjoy the old ones just fine, thanks. With spring springing, I can get outside in the gardens and do all sorts of things. I also live in an older home, so I have a lot of updates that I can afford to do, as well as finish work on updates that were started when H was home.

Most of my friends are 'paired up' too. I ache sometimes when I'm around them, and they hug and kiss and show general devotion and care for one another. I still have those moments where I think, "NO WAY THIS IS MY LIFE!". Then I shake the cobwebs loose and carry on. Sometimes I still have tiny moments of shock where I can't believe MY H has done this. It's weird. I look forward to not feeling this strangeness, this feeling of hovering just above the ground waiting to touch down.

SL, it is so strange to still get that moment now and then when you just shut down in disbelief and think, “Is this really happening?” How long will that crap last?

SDguy, you nailed one on the head in your post the other day by saying how much you miss doing something for someone else. I had not really thought about that but it is so true. I want to make someone a cup of tea, I want to bring someone a comforter and start the fire when the night chill settles into the house, I want to buy the flowers at the store.

DD19 and I were walking through some shops a couple weekends ago and I kept seeing things and thinking, “Wow, W would really like this.” And there was always a little sadness when I would think I will never shop for another present for her in her life. Oh well, she is lost at sea and presumed dead.

Where’s the fast forward button when you need it.

I think it is better to just tell yourself they are never coming back and get on with life. Then when they do, it will be a bonus.

I spent about the first YEAR not believing this was happening to me. Talk about denial. And what a huge waste of my precious life.

Get busy, and at first you may have to force yourself, but go do things. You will find that you will start enjoying them.

hey guys......I'll send you my address K?, and I'll take all the well wishes too!!!!!! I miss caring for someone too! never really cared about getting flowers....more like the emotional show of affection I miss.....like the fire kindling and a warm hug....just a hand hold when they know you are feeling down..........sheesh...now i've got to tearing.
bleeetch!!! shake it off!!!!!!!! k, now I 'm better:)

it gets to me that WS's are getting that kind of stuff...cared for and such....
I am going to have a hissy fit like my 3 yr old.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAA....ITS NOT FAIR.........WAAAAAAAAAAAAA
they get everything......we get nothing!!!!!!!

whew...ok, I feel better...yup..thanks guys:) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

FB,

I know just the cure, a Sippy Cup of bourbon (kills any lingering bacteria on the valve) and Peter Frampton’s live version of “Do You Feel Like I Do” on loud.

I still can't get over the commonality of what we're going through. I had it again yesterday--the "Is this really happening? It's so surreal. I want to wake up." moment, and it sounds like I'm not the only one.

I have a lot to give and no one to give it to. My roses are about to explode with blooms (brought the first one in to my office today), and I already felt an urge to cut some for my W (which reminded me of doing it last summer, when she didn't appreciate or even really want them because she was still emotionally attached to OM...sigh). So I'm going to have all these roses and a desire to give them to someone. I can bring them to people at work or neighbors, but my desire to give them away is about my own emotional needs, and giving them to the people at work isn't the same.

Yesterday I exchanged a brief email with WW about changing the kid schedule and managed to get mildly triggered. I almost posted the exchange but then realized I was overanalyzing again, and why am I letting her do this to me. So what if it is poisonous? So easy to lose focus.

I know the limbo will end. I actually think I could flip the "Acceptance--I am Done now" switch in my head, but it's not what I want. I'm still married, and I want my family back, so I choose to stay in the limbo. Maybe that's an easier way to deal with it. Recognize that I am choosing limbo over alternatives. Make the limbo work for me.

I have my own home projects and things to keep me busy. It's the occasional loneliness and longing to connect with someone that make it difficult, but I don't see any way around that. Except maybe trolling for smokin' hot Italian babes at the Sippy Cup Symposium (as if I'd know what to do with one).

I like that idea...LIMBO....LIMBO....LIMBO(chanting)

you know you have to be pretty flexible to LIMBO....cha cha cha...bend over backwards...right....that incomprehensible position that one can't do past the age of 21?? and the bar goes lower......and lower........then your flat on your back



hmmmmm.....maybe Sippy Cup 'O' toasted almond.....
or Sippy Cup 'O' parrot bay rum........ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

yummy...but only whilst singing my fav song "I gotta pee"
and hugging my teddy with only one eye and stuffing hanging out.

seriously there have got to be some PRO's to LIMBO LAND.....anyone???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Yup, this dang limbo land is our CHOICE. It's a small comfort to know that you still have a choice, isn't it.

OK...I thought of some pro's of LIMBOLAND

no yucky blind dates <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

no alkward first sexual encounters <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

ok, people help me out...this is hard <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

i think if we look at it like that, we can make it a little further down the road...we chose this, WE are in control...We can choose when it ends...no one else is in control!

WOO HOO!!!

IHC

oh yes, control....all mine now.......

I am driving that train
I am paying those bills
I am callin' the shots for MY life
I will say when I am done
I will say IF I will continue
I will be happy...someday:)

OH, and most importantly, I will decide the care and cleaning regemin for Said Sippy Cups!!!!!!!
and the waywards better like it, or lump it....

Hey sdg,

You know what would really tick the WW off? How about teaching your DD3 to drink from a big girl cup...thus eliminating the potential health hazards of sippy cups.

OOH the devious plan to undermine her authority over sippy cups begins....

OMG! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> You wouldn't!!!! How dare you change things up and move to 'regular' cups. You truly are a cad if you do that!

Oh, lordy, then your WW would have to find something else to scrutinize. Maybe next, it will be condition and care of socks. Maybe you should just stick to sippy cups for now, no sense in beginning an UPRISING!

Sdguy,

I am not sure you noticed, but a bunch of fired up women have taken over your thread. Personally this would be a dream come true but I thought you should know.

Hey, keep it down. I'm trying to watch.

You know, part of the absurdity of the whole Sippy Cup thing is that DD3 knows perfectly well how to drink from a glass. I wasn't even bothering with Sippy Cups anymore. They are just an added hassle to me.

And speaking of the Bee sistahs--I'm thinking about abandoning the Montana idea and instead trying to get some of these fired up women to come to southern California and deal with my WW.