RRRRRRRRR!!

I'll hold him down, and we can turn the Killer B's lose on him!! He doesn't stand a chance!! Lemme at him!!!

He won't be NEAR your DD or DS FOR A WHILE.

rrrrrrrrrrr!!!

I'm picking up the kids at day care, and DD3 says "OM does something funny with eggs." DS7 clarifies what DD3 is talking about. I seethe.


((((sdg)))))
I am wretching for you.......I hate, hate, hate that the kids end up a party to the maddness.

I even wanted to say to WS "I bet DS8 wouldn't LOVE OP's dog so much if he knew that OP was the one keeping you from coming home" but alas....plan B....replace the muzzle please.

I feel for you..........

Thanks, guys. I'm better today. Our day-care provider took Good Friday off, so I'm spending the day with DD3 and having a good time. She's playing Dinosaur Adventure on the computer right now. Later, we'll pick up DS from school and camp out in the back yard again tonight.

I will post the Jennifer stuff, but I need some time to put it together. It wasn't anything earth-shattering, though.

Hey sdguy, If you have some time, could you post to Stillhurting how you were told by Jennifer to run your Plan B without an intermediary? She's having some problems with contact, in regards to receiving emails from WH and separating their finances.

Yeah...I just suggested it would be great if she could get an intermediary. Jennifer was happy when I told her I had one now. But I'll try to check in with more later.

oops, just saw your post (before I posted, der-dee-der), thanks

I'm taking it easy after four days with the kids. They are great kids, and I love them like crazy, but they can be a handful. DD3 appears to be reacting to the turmoil by clinging (fear of being abandoned)--she doesn't want me out of her sight for more than a couple of minutes. I wish I had a nickel for every time she's said "daddy." DS7 is acutely aware of attention and is seriously competitive with DD3 right now. Also, he appears to be taking out his anger over the situation on the only safe target, DD3. I have a hard time not reacting when he torments DD3, which makes everyone unhappy. It's only a matter of time before DD3 begins using this against DS7 (more than she already is). Sigh. A lot of this is normal child development, I think, but I know the added layer of stress contributes.

DD3 mentioned OM a couple of more times over the past two days. I respond with "I don't want to talk about OM." DD3: "Why?" SDG: "Well, I don't like OM very much." DD3: "Why?" SDG thinks but does not say: "Because he's a very bad man." Argh.

Up and down over the weekend. Feeling good about me and my future at one moment (the epiphany SL talked about on her thread) and then angry and frustrated over the absurdity of this situation the next. More good than bad, though, which is a positive thing, I think.

The bad moments (like when DD3 talks about OM) gave me pause about offering up a face-to-face conversation with WW about support agreements, but I think I will anyway. I'm going to email WW with something like this:

"Are you interested in trying to work out our own support agreement? I have a proposal that I can email to you, or, in this case, we can meet and discuss it if you prefer. What do you think?"

Opinions welcome.

I have to listen to my session with Jennifer again before posting about it, and I haven't been able to do that yet. I find myself needing a break from all of this marriage stuff--I think that is probably a good thing?

sdg,

ya know...even when you are storng, hearing about OP is very difficult. I don't really want WH back now and hearing about OW and OW's D6 made me irritable this weekend.

None of us could probably say that hearing "good news" about the person we despise the most would bring us feelings of joy.

PEACE...that's what I'm looking for...someday we will be there!

Sorry you have had so many triggers lately...it is easier when legal proceedings don't force contact.


Hope you are having a much better day now...
IHC

sdguy, it's a lot of work taking great care of your children and then dealing with their normal emotional chaos that is now loaded with inner turmoil. I'd say you are doing very well by them. To hear about OM is surely not good for you, and when coming from the mouth of a 3 year old girl, whom you want to protect from this evilness, stupidity. You need a break. Have some Vino and relax, guy!

I don't know about the support agreement. Maybe you should just draw up what you think would be good, send that info and extend the conversation olive branch. I dunno.

Yesterday and today were pretty good. I've maintained an appetite for the past couple of days, which is a pretty good barometer of my mental state. Doing what I want to do. At peace with whatever happens. I know who I am and what I'm doing. I know who WW is and where she's headed. I know what OM is and what he isn't.

Somewhat anxious over upcoming court stuff. I sent the email to WW today as listed above. Also told my lawyer what I intend to offer.

We'll see.

I respect you so greatly, for being so proactive and taking such good care of your children. I know you would prefer not to have to do these things, and I'm sure, when/if the time comes for D hearings for me, I'm going to be hanging on by a thread some days.

Good luck with your proposal. Fingers, toes and eyes crossed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

DITTO

I'll be sending you good vibes!!!!!!!!!

let us know how it goes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Last night I got this from WW in response to my inquiry about reaching our own agreement:

"Sure. The more we can work out is probably better. Email me what you are proposing and then we may need to meet to discuss it."

Which triggered me. There was no way it wouldn't, I think. Nothing poisonous in this, but it makes me anxious anyway.

So I just sent the proposal:

"How about this:

I pay day care costs (~$xx / month)

I open college funds for the kids and contribute $xx / month

I deposit $xx per month into the joint checking account. This money to be used to pay for team sports, classes, swim lessons, medical expenses, etc. Depending upon the balance, you can use it to reimburse yourself for clothes, toys, etc.

Decision on legal fees to be deferred until later."

Now I am a bundle of nerves. It's not the outcome of this action--it's the whole act of negotiating with this person. She's becoming an alien to me. I'm getting to where I don't remember her or what it's like to be with her. Probably just another stage.

sdg...hang on....you are doing great...

I feel the same way about WS...she is a different person to me...its kind of scary...it makes ot seem so much more real...

she sounds open to working it out and if that works for you financially stick with it...you are going to be totally drained by all that contact...but in the end it might be worth it. make sure you get some rest and some self care. we are pulling for you.

Anxious, anxious, anxious. I'm starved but nauseous at the same time. Hot bath tonight. And drugs.

sdguy, when I was negotiating my LSA with my WH, it was excruciating. I would email him this, he would email back that (and this was when I had an intermediary). Even receiveing changes made to the LSA, through my lawyer, was tough.

You ripped that band-aid off, and probably took a few hairs with it. Hang in there. This person that you talk about forgetting about how to be with and that you don't remember, well, she's not the person you are negotiating with. They are not one and the same. You would not be negotiating with your wife.

SD,

Negotiations do suck. I know the feeling of anxiety (and I know the meds well) when dealing with the dismantling of a M. It becomes business.

Your doing great... will keep you in my prayers also while I'm away.

Still

SDguy, I've never posted on your thread but SL hit it on the mark. You're not negotiating with the person you think is your wife. Gloves should be off. All's fair in love and stupidity. Think about it.

Thanks, guys. WW negotiating with me is to my benefit, because the court's formula will drastically favor WW. I don't sense that she is looking to hurt me, though. I think she is just drifting through this--probably doesn't understand why I can't just get over it and move on. I think she has been reluctant to ask for much (she maintained 50% custody all along, didn't take much from the house). It feels like she's doing what she can to make this easier for me (when I'm not holding up the mirror, anyway). I've read that waywards can be counted on to make terrible legal decisions.

So I guess I am trying to take advantage of that. I've made an offer that seems fair to me, benefits my children rather than OM, and is in my financial best interest.

We'll see.

Have a great trip, Still.

You're going to the Sippy Cup Care and Maintenance Symposium, right?