sdg......have you heard from WW???
still sending you good vibes.
don't let her steal your peace!!!!!!

Nope, and mentally I am bouncing off the walls. Why hasn't she responded yet? Was she waiting to talk it over with OM? Her lawyer? What will they say? Get more of his money, right? If she gets what the formula says and then I have to buy her out of the house, will I be able to keep it? Boing, boing, boing.

To top it off, the email account I use to receive forwarded mail from my intermediary is a hotmail account, and so far today the hotmail login page hasn't worked. Argh! Boing.

I'm all triggered and in Caged-Animal mode. There must be something else I can do, right? The ILs--they don't know what a scumbag the OM is. They don't know that he's lying to WW about his own divorce and what his lawyer told him. They don't know that after OMW found out, OM said he would stop the affair and attended MC with her for months (having told WW that he didn't want to stop, so they didn't). If they knew what a POS he is, they could . . . they could . . . Boing. B-boing, boing, boing. Or maybe I could just tell them the facts, knowing that they probably can't do anything, but maybe they would at least agree with me that she's making a mistake and validate my feelings . . . (are you listening, LilSis?) Boing, boing, boing.

Trying to be calm. Trying to breathe. Trying not to worry about it.

Boing.

Maybe she is talking to the television again.

Calm down and wait it out SD. I would think it is highly likely she is talking to her A about it. You don't have any control over what she is doing right now so try to let it go. I know, easy to say but.....

Even if she does consult with her A and they work to get more, that does not mean your effort was wasted. If you had not made your proposal her A would have made the same advise anyway.

You took a chance. Let it play out.

sdguy,

Wanna play "Worst Case Scenario" with me? Let's see...the worst thing that could happen would be if she turned you down and demanded the Taj Mahal for free and $25,000 per month CS and alimony--right? At which point you could just say, "No thank you" and let your A battle it out with her A.

Most likely, she is looking it over, thinking it over, asking the TV what to do, and will respond with some proposal of her own. That's all.

BTW--it was fun playing "Worst Case Scenario" with you. Next time--TWISTER!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Your faithful friend,


CJ

Thanks, Chris. Good advice. I know it's the right thing, and it's what I intend to do, but I'm having a hard time being calm about it. I'm just really anxious.

So wound up. Maybe I'll go for a walk. I'm certainly not getting any work done.

It's just the waiting. Same feeling I got when I would send WH an email and have to wait, sometimes days, for his response. Now, I don't fret. I check my mail, and while it's loading, I breathe deeply, then open my eyes. If nothing is there, then I take another breath and log off.

I get the BOING thing. Again, you want that band-aid ripped off, but that's not how D settlement works, right? If you received this offer, you would have no response right away either, not right away. Boing, breathe.

Yeah, it's the waiting. I'm anxious because I know the clock is ticking. Worst-case scenario for me is WW deciding she wants blood (don't think that will happen). Next-worse-case scenario is we go to court, because the No-Fault court is going to tell me to pay much more than I want to. So if nothing happens between now and next Wednesday, I lose. If they just plug the numbers in, I'm afraid that I could lose my house.

I'm currently much more worried about this than my Plan B, so I'm thinking about sending the following message:

"I think that we can reach an agreement on this that we both think is fair, and I agree that this would be in everyone's best interest (except the lawyers, who will get more of our money if we go to court). I'm aware that the clock is ticking, and I'm a little anxious that I haven't heard anything from you yet. If we think we need more time to work something out, we could always push back the hearing date. I'm prepared to start up any agreement we reach as soon as we reach it--it need not be court-ordered.

Let me know."

Opinions?

As Doris Day would say "Que sera sera, Whatever will be will be". I'm not being flippant, either. You have done everything on your end to negotiate. Don't do anything else. Let her respond. This is not about Plan B. She WILL contact her lawyer, unless the guilt is too excruciating. Wait, just a little bit longer. You can do it.

No, you're right. I'm thinking to wait at least another day before sending anything like this. I just wanted to be ready in case I still don't hear anything. Or maybe I want to feel like I'm doing something.

At the very beginning of this, my IC asked me "Are you a patient person?" knowing full well that this was going to be a marathon and not a sprint. And I said "Uh-oh," because I didn't think that I was. I have discovered new depths of patience (and strength) and think I do pretty well. It's not easy to do, though, especially when I am B-boing-boing-boinging off the walls. You guys help me.

I know this is totally off topic, but I just got my son out of the tub and dried him off and put a nice long Superman T-shirt on (that his Zada- or grandpa gave him) but I didn't have any underwear, yet. He said, "Hey this shirt will keep people from seeing my penis!" I HAD to laugh. I told him that's probably a good thing. Kids, go figure...

I thought I WAS a patient person, and, to some extent, I was, but I was challenged with Plan B. I can now say that I am defintely patient.

It takes EXTRAORDINARY patience and fortitude to handle what you are dealing with, so give yourself a break, guy. You are doing G-r-r-r-r EAT!

Still haven't heard anything.

Okay sdguy...

I see another round of "Worse Case Scenario" is required--and I was really looking forward to playing TWISTER too!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Okay--worst case scenario #1--you go to court, they plug in the numbers and come up with more than you want to pay. YOU HAVE A LAWYER!! That's what he's there for...to explain to the court the extenuating circumstances why you shouldn't pay the "normal" formula. The court listens to about HALF your reasons, it's higher than what you want and lower than the formula AND you are done and free from worrying about how much $$ WW will nip you for. You're not thrilled but it's tolerable AND you can move on.

Worst case scenario #2--you go to court, they plug in the numbers, the order the formula and will listen to nothing (very unlikely)...and you lose your house. You have to sell it and move somewhere else entirely. And...??? What??? You would still be alive. You would still be free of WW. You would still be smart and funny and cute. So you eat tuna casserole instead of filet mignon! Big deal. When you do decide to date, you will be able to relate to every single-mom you go out with because they ALSO eat tuna casserole instead of filet mignon. You will be able to pick a house that is completely yours that WW can NEVER TOUCH. She will lose all her power of you and never be able to threaten you again. IT"S DONE.

So although neither is ideal, even the worst case stuff is not the end of the world, sdguy. You will be alright and you will survive this.

Your faithful friend,


CJ

Hey SD,

I was just having a conversation with my TV about you.

Hang tough it still does not mean a thing. She is still thinking and whatever happens will happen. In typical wayward fashion she probably believes there is something hidden or controlling in your offer. She just can’t figure it out. If she throws it back, well that’s why you got the attorney.

Stay tough. Marathon not Sprint.

I'm more together today, but thanks for the pep talks. I think it's more the waiting than the outcome. I can live with whatever outcome.

SD,

Just wait for her response. Sometimes, it takes people time to think about things and get back to you.


It takes longer for stupid people..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Argh. Okay. Okay, I'll keep waiting. I'll give it another day or two.

I know I'm overanalyzing, but the path of least resistance for her is to just go to court and say nothing back to me. My lawyer tells me that the only reason for her *not* to go to court and get whatever she can is guilt. The most effective way for me to introduce guilt is to engage with her.

The downside for me with engaging with her is that I have to engage with her, and I get triggered and hurt and all of that. I'm prepared for that. Does saying something else now make me come across as desperate or something?

Like I said, I'll wait a couple more days, but here's what I'm thinking about saying at that point:

"You haven't responded to my proposal, and that's fine. I don't think we should rush to a decision. Along those lines, maybe we should push back the hearing on Wednesday to give ourselves time to reach an agreement that we both think is fair (which I believe we can do, and in doing so save ourselves some court costs)."

I have a massage scheduled in 45 minutes. I really really need it.

IF....you respond in a couple days you need to approach it as a salesman. You already made your presentation. What good salesmen do that separate them from the poor salesmen is Ask For The Order .

something like:

"Hopefully you had a chance to fully consider my proposal. I really feel this plan is fair for both of us and the kids. Can we agree to this plan?"

Just my thoughts from the guy whose own marriage looks like the last few seconds of the Space Shuttle Challenger.

Just be patient. My ex was completely unreasonable and wanted everything. I just waited him out. Once in awhile I told him I hoped that we were once in love, and good friends too, and I didn't want to give all my money to an attorney.

My divorce from kids dad 15 years ago (with me going for sole custody) cost me $12,000. and my ex $15,000. And the attorneys were just getting warmed up.

It was settled over lunch in the end - the 2 attorneys had lunch, that is. Ex and I couldn't afford the cafeteria food.

Triggered again. I took DS7 to baseball practice today and had a good time--got to run around myself and get some exercise. As I was taking him back we were chatting about what he might do today (she has them). I suggested they might go to the pool, and then he began talking about the pool--how WW doesn't get in the water . . . except for the time OM pulled her in. Nice images of family fun at the pool. Pause. DS7 figured it out, I think, but I managed to say "I'm glad that you're having fun at the pool."

Getting over it. Didn't have to smash anything.

I find myself wanting to tell her "While you and OM are still married, bringing OM around our children in "stepfather mode," is 1) morally wrong, and 2) bad for our children."

I won't.

Why not? Or better yet, make it mandated in the LSA.

JMHO,
L.