GREAT trip (maybe premature, currently at the airport waiting to fly home), but I had a fantastic time with my friends. Good weather, fun activities, good food (and it actually had taste to it)--just great. I felt good and much more like myself.

I missed the kids, but it would have been a very different trip with them. I missed my wife, too--watching other families and couples and knowing how things should be. Every time I start feeling good, I get the urge to reach out. This time, it's wanting to say "Okay, it's been long enough that you've been doing this foolishness. Now it's time to wake up and come home and work on the marriage." It passes, though. Back to Plan B.



It's the emotion vs intellect thing. I know that attempting to convince her of anything is a waste of effort and that Plan B is the right way to go. Intellectually. When triggered, however, the emotion kicks in, and I want to DO SOMETHING. Fix it, because This Sucks and It Doesn't Have To. Then I have to get the intellectual side working again and remind myself of what I already know. Some level of trigger seems to be there all the time, so it's a constant struggle.

Stoopid fricken triggers!

That's all I have to say bout that...

Well, WELCOME home, sdguy! It sounds like you had a great time; you deserve it! Next time, you should probably plan a trip to the north pole, though, just to shake things up (from the shivers)

SD!

Welcome back. I am sure the weather in San Diego is a refreshing change from Orlando.

Wish I could have been on that trip. It sounds like a great time.

Now get the flack jacket on and get back into Plan B!

Welcome back.... glad you had fun.

Still

The flights home were uneventful. Just for the record, there is actually a difference between the weather in San Diego and the weather in Orlando (the highs here in SD are still in the upper 60s; if I had been at the beach in San Diego, I wouldn't have sunburned the crap out of my back the way I did at the beach in Florida), but I don't suppose those of you with real weather will be impressed about that.

Nice to be home. No one waiting for ME at the airport, though. Sigh.

We were all at the airport in our hearts....didn't you see us there?

Still

Thanks, Still! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I've been anxious and depressed since returning from my trip. I had a great time, but it's like the clouds descended upon me as soon as I got back. I think that it's because being around my friends (we did things as a foursome, so there was plenty of talk about my situation) and seeing lots and lots of happy families at the Disney parks made me . . . what? Hopeful? Determined? Frustrated? Angry?

I've been fighting off the urge to reach out to WW. She's a very passive person, and I believe that she is just drifting along, following the lead of the POS OM. At some point, I think I will have to reach out to her, because I fear that she is just too passive to wake up and come back to the marriage on her own (even if she realizes it's for the best). But it's not the right time, and I'm working on getting that through my head. Getting back into Plan B (but still need to negotiate support agreement). Not easy.

I have been detached and let go at various points, but then something happens or I see something and I get lured back into feeling engagement will help me somehow. Still feeling like I should be able to fix it. That may be the hardest part for me.

Guy smiley, I don't think you will ever lose the 'shoulds'. I know I don't. I should be able to get through to him, I should be able to get out of bed, I should be able to fix this, I should be able to get him/her to see what they are losing. My son should be able to have his father around, so I should be able to deal with all of this, and so on and so on...

Well, we all got a bad case of the shoulds.

That dark cloud will pass, in time. I know, not what you want to hear, me either Smiley, me either. It's literally overcast and rainy at times here today, in the Old Line State. Doesn't help to keep me chipper.

I have found when I'm hangin with my married friends that it can be upsetting. I see how happy and cohesive everyone is, and I long for that again. It's pleasurable to be around them, and painful.

At least you know that the majority of this is stemming from having to negotiate through the legal junk. You will be able to get back to the serenity part soon.

I was blessed to have my intermediaries respond to another nasty e-mail from WH..or should I say OW! Thank God that I was spared the details. Just knowing it was sent kind of made me sick to my stomach!

So, I thought I didn't care, and now I am reminded that I really do. But, each time the trigger hits, the response feelings last a little less time! You know that to be true as well...

Well, it is supposed to be beautiful, warm and sunny this weekend (at least for you not HOT...we are expecting low 90's!!! UGH!)

I know beautiful weather can brighten spirits!

When I am with married friends, I try to remind myself that even though I don't have that right now, it is coming my way again...with or without WH/H!!!!

I cannot believe how similar all our feelings and ups and downs are...I guess it is a semi-BS script! At least we are on the right side!

Hoping you have a great weekend...and that your sunburn heals quickly!!!!OUCH!

Thanks, IHC. Your post really made me smile. As does SL calling me Guy Smiley, although I have to confess that my Amazing Mumford impression was always the better one. Ala Peanut Butter Sandwiches! Typical results, too.

I like the guy smiley too..it seems true enough...even though we can't see you smiling, we know it's happening!! I think we should start calling you that all the time!

:::CHEES'IN' 4 YOU:::

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well, I figured Guy Smiley was better than Don Music

That one I didn't remember. Let's see . . . spaced-out musician vs game-show host. Game-show host is nothing like me, but I have always liked the name Guy Smiley.

I always loved Don Music. I have no idea why.

Hey SD, how did the weekend go. Are you feeling a little better after being home for a few days? I hope all is well.

I'm okay. The weekend was pretty good--low impact and stress-free. I'm not as calm as I would like to be, but I think I am getting there. I know that a dark Plan B is the best thing that I can do right now, and I know how to do that and know that I can live that way.

I think the remaining anxiety is from the pending support negotiations with the Sippy Cup Goddess. Dark Plan B dictates doing the negotiations through the lawyers, but financially I am significantly better off if we can reach an agreement outside of what the court will mandate.

As part of the content of another email I sent last week I asked her if she was going to make a proposal and have received no response. Not surprising. I'm going to let it hang for a while and see what happens.

We got a kitten on Saturday. The old lazy good-for-nothing fur-machine fat bag-of-guts (too harsh--a beautiful cat, but dumb as a rock and useless for what you want from a pet)went with WW, and I told the kids we'd get another one for the house. So DD3 and I went out and came home with a cute little 7-week old Siamese that is frisky and has already shown more signs of intelligence than the other lump. I think it will be fun.

My neighbors just got two golden retriever puppies, which makes me jealous. If I were ever to get a dog, it would be a golden, but it's just too much of a commitment right now.

Our house has been mammal free since New Years when the last cat had to be put to sleep. We had 3 dogs and 4 cats over the 25 years. DD19 wants me to get a dog but I just don't know if I want that commitment either. They were all pretty cool though. WW loved them all a lot.

Maybe someday.

Good luck with the kitten. I bet the kids are thrilled.

Well, at one time, I had three cats and one small dog. Now, I have one cat (orange tabby--AWESOME cat named Jerry) and one LARGE dog (greyhound) the small dog (terrier).

Dogs are definitely more of a commitment. The greyhound is like a lump, but the terrier NEEDs to be exercised.

I love little kittens. Those teensy meows at pitches that couldn't possibly be natural, far too cute for words. I don't miss the ultra sharp claws. Siamese are particularly beautiful. I had one with those piercing blue eyes and chocolate fur, with that deep chocolate tail tip and ears. BEAUTIFUL, but sometimes even more aloof than your average cat. I guess that's what you get for getting a 'royal' cat.