Ha! What a concept. And, being a chemist, I have all sorts of interesting pre-loads at work . . . but seriously, dark plan B. If that's what she wants to do, who am I to interfere?

You mean you DON'T appreciate my rat updates (or obits, as the case may be)?

I'm hurt.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

(just kidding, of course)

Too much time on my hands today...

That line was just to set up the lame Sippy Cup joke . . . .

Guy Smiley,

According to my boss, who's big into anti-aging (he own's a side company that does research, blah blah), just gargle with Olive oil, take a shot of olive oil, coat your nose with it and on and on. Olive oil can act as an anti-microbial, so it makes sense, but my boss is NUTS for the olive oil.

Ok, I would like to profusely apologize to foxy lady for my son's name triggering her, but lest we forget the children would NEVER approve of their parents' choices to go wayward on them. STOOPIDO wayward parents (WP). I wanted a nice Irish name, and it stuck.

Oh, and I LOVE coffee, so lay off the coffee drinkers of the world. Coffee drinkers of the world UN-TIE...However, I am a religious flosser and tongue brusher, so the stench does not follow me like a brown cloud. Plus, I gave up smoking and other stuff, I'm not giving up my dang coffee (24oz. a day drinker).

Man, I used to roll out of bed in the morning (pre child) and start a pot a-brewin, light up a smoke, inhale that first puff DEEPLY and wait for that brown nectar to drip drip through the bleached filter into my lovely little mug inscribed with Felix the Cat. Now I do all of that, roll out of bed (earlier) put on the coffee, and wait, minus the cigarrettes, my old pals...

Oh, Still, her name is SIENNA?! She's named after a CAT...

Very triggered. I checked the court index and found out that OM filed for divorce a couple of days ago. I see this as a move to make it "okay" for the OM to move in with WW. I suspect that his lease will be up in a month or two, and him moving in with her is the next step.

I don't think this makes him any less of a POS, since I still think he was lying to both women, but this really deflates me. WW isn't showing any signs that she's having second thoughts. She hasn't tried to communicate or break my Plan B in a long time. It makes me think that she's so far from waking up that I can't possibly wait long enough for it to happen.

Pretty depressing.

Sorry SD. There is no doubt he was lying to both women. Gollum did this too. As hard as it is for you to stomach it's what might be needed to fulfill Plan B. From my observation at MB the infidel relationships that fall apart the fastest are the ones where they live together. It makes sense. CJ put together that thread last week that described the destruction in believable detail.

It’s not over and there is still a lot yet to happen. The question is if the divorce goes through and becomes final will you still desire reconciliation? It can happen.

If they move in together this relationship will burn up fast. Look at what seems to be happening to Fox’s WH and Babs. Will it happen before the final decree? Maybe not. What will you want then? What will be best for your two wonderful kids?

You can’t control her any more than you can control the weather. I still believe in the end the choice will be yours.

I don't know. I didn't expect to be so hurt by this. I guess I had convinced myself it wasn't going to happen. (I understand that this is exactly why I'm not supposed to keep tabs on what the infidels are doing. This is, in effect, a self-trigger. Feel free to apply 2x4s anyway.)

I feel anger, revulsion, sadness, rage all shooting through my system right now. Helplessness. Resignation. I know it's the trigger, and I'm not going to act on anything, but Plan FU is whispering to me.

I've also been having dreams lately about talking to WW and trying to convince her, which doesn't work in the dream any better than it did in the waking world. I don't attach any special significance to dreams in general, but when you usually don't remember them and now have them three out of the last five nights, it's hard to just shrug them off.

Hurting, but calming down.

I'm so sorry about the triggers. I understand how you feel about the OM moving in, BELIEVE me, whenever my WH drops my son off and leaves the driveway, if he turns right, he's going home to Aimless. If he turns left, I don't think too much about it. He always turns right. If I catch a glimpse of the car (I try to have son in the house and away from the window, but he likes to watch daddy leave), I get triggered. Every Wednesday, at 8PM, I get a happy little trigger.

Every Saturday and Sunday afternoon, trigger, trigger, respectively.

My only advise is, if you can, ensure that there are no overnights with this guy.

Now, Chris is right, living together is a sure fire way to be present for those moments that you don't have to deal with in LaLa land. The bad breath, the morning uglies, the smelly socks, the children taking up your time and attention. The DIVORCES that they must both deal with, and talk about, then argue about. REAL LIFE poo, happening. The same poo they were dealing with in their marriages. The romance dies and life takes over.

Now, with my WH, OW is not married, she's 7 years my junio, no children, no other serious relationships. Naive, cute and somewhat stoopid. They probably make a cute little couple, just like the rhinos...

I feel for you SD. Even my goofy a$$ gets triggered regularly. I've thrown in the towel, but still have trouble detaching. I still get hurt when Me and DS aren't her priority. It just takes time.

Lots and lots of excruciating time. (cue the violins)

Dontcha feel better now?

Triggers suck no doubt!

I had one this weekend when I ran into WH and OW at the gas station...all "happy familied". Even though I don't really want him back, it made me sick to my stomach.

The living together seems like it shouldn't matter, but it does. I mean it's not like living together means they're suddenly sleeping together...duh they are already doing that. It just seems like it cements their relationship. I know that is how I felt about it...like he really is committed to the relationship now. UGH!!! It just makes you sick, even when you are in a great plan B!

Sorry you are feeling gross right now...hope this weekend is better.

silent...I personally am a coffee lover too...I was just trying to get guy to smile and see the "many joys of coffee"...mostly just wanted to be sarcastic and see if he could laugh a little...I know I am not quite as funny as he and chris...duh...but it was worth a try!

I feel bad complaining about this. It really doesn't change what I'm doing, but that's not what I feel right now. I posted yesterday that I feel pity rather than anger for WW, but now I'm back on revulsion. And anger.

I'm sure that he is basically living there now when my kids aren't there. I have to confess that last week when I was thinking about reaching out to her I did a driveby and saw both cars in her garage.

It brings up all of the What if they are in the 3% questions and makes me wonder why I'm fighting it. I don't want to feel like this. Maybe I should just embrace the divorce and get this the ****** over with. I'm so tired of this. If it's going to happen anyway, why fight it? I can go out and find someone who wants to be with me--who appreciates who I am. I'm tired of feeling like I'm alone.

I don't know. Probably just depression and triggers talking. All I can do is stay dark, so that's what I'll do.

Yes, stay dark.

Wait it out...you know it will pass.

I am sad that you are hurting. It sucks!

(((SDG)))

Guy smiley, you are more than welcome to come here and say what you are feeling, we expect it, I know I do.

Man, I wish I had just the right words to say, but I can't say that I don't feel the same, especially when my dad and mom got together through an affair and lasted, and were contented, happy. My mother had her complaints, but who doesn't, nothing serious.

I am seriously happy that I cannot just 'swing' by where WH and OW live, it's waaaay out of the way of anywhere I travel. Look, when/if the D happens, you will be free to openly seek companionship with women; you will be more receptive of them as they you, and you will have a better chance at landing the 'right' lady for you. Until then, just stay in the dark Plan B, as you don't want to ruin any chance of reconciliation, either.

The big question, "What if they are in the 3%?" I've stopped mulling this one over and will face the fear WHEN/IF it happens. I can't predict the future. I can only prepare.

You have had a lot of triggers since returning from your trip, HECK, even while on your trip, you were triggered by watching all of the families around you. We suffer alone, FOR NOW, but not forever.

I'm fighting the urge to reach out to WW and try to convince her not to let OM move in. I'm not going to, but the thoughts are banging around my head. I'll try to get them down and post them.

So I put on the classical music channel on while I'm making dinner for the kids, and Pachelbel's Canon comes on. One of W's favorites. It was played at our wedding (like everyone else's). Triggered. Waterworks.

And then thinking that "Is this it? Am I going to be triggered like this for the rest of my life? And how much should I hate someone that made me this way?"

And then realizing that I'm in charge of who I am. Sigh.

(((SD))),

I know how you feel. Just stay dark... I reached out to WH yesterday and didn't get any repsonse. So basically sometimes it feels like we're d*mned if we do or don't.

I don't think thier in the 3%, if they do move in together I think it will just make the fantasy go away.

Hang in there ((((SD)))

PS> Silent... yeah she's names after a cat. I bet the cat is cuter.

Still

OH, SD....

I am so sorry...I can speak from experience that IT does get better...

OW was a bus driver, okay...everytime a bus would pass I would trigger...today, a bus passed right in front of work, just like every day and I thought to myself...WOW, I haven't been thinking about the A...

Come to think about it, I couldn't even remember the bus number that she drives... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Progress, not perfection!

((((SD))))

It will get better!

Keep your head up...you are doing an AWESOME job... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey Amigo. Call me if you need to. It will get better.

Ah yes,

Johann Pachelbel’s Canon in D. On every $3.99 Masterpieces of Baroque CD in the clearance bins by the door at Walmart. A cello player’s dream to cure their own insomnia. 10,000 fifteen year old guitar playing wannabes and their youtube videos who can’t even spell his name correctly. Overrated tripe. A simple tune for simple minds. No wonder it is one of her favorites.

Put on ZZ Top.

If you want classical go with Gershwin. He is never played at weddings.

I'm calming down. The trigger was worse than I would have expected, though.


I think you are onto something here and wonder whether it wasn't part of our problem.

My Aunt sang "Til There Was You" at my wedding, and it was beautiful. I still love that song.

I don't think all of my senses learned how to 'see' until I fell in love, real love, and I am so grateful for that. After having my son, I am even more aware of my surroundings and the beauty in everything, every day. Sounds goofy, I know, but that song says it all.

I'm not much into classical; as I find the time, I find myself listening more and more, but I was bred on the rock n' roll, and grew up during the disco and pop era, and gravitate toward that.