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Dear CJ,
I adore you. You did exactly what I asked you to do, and you did it well. And kindly.
I don't feel bad about the conversation. It was helpful to me if nothing else. I asked for the 2x4s to test out my thinking. "Okay, this is what I think--show me where I'm wrong. What did I not consider? And, yes, how could I have done better?"
You answered my call like the Mama Bee that you are.
S-D-is-for-dark-Guy
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SDguy is now Super Dark Guy!
Able to ignore WS attempts with a single "talk to the hand" Able to keep silent Plan B Able to leap WS bull-pucky piles in single bound!
It's plan... It's a sigh...
It's Super Dark Guy!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
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Able to ignore WS attempts with a single "talk to the hand" Through his intermediary, that is.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Able to ignore WS attempts with a single "talk to the hand" There's an Abstinence Man joke in here somewhere, but I'm going to leave it unsaid. WW doesn't know that her emails are screened, but the point is taken. Not just dark, but Super Dark!
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
(ROFL--Abstinence man!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Able to ignore WS attempts with a single hand! ROFLMAO!!!!!)
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I think I got that one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Almost like your own B.O.B <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
Still
BW me 46 WH 46 Together 28 years married 23 3 Kids DD20, DD17 and DS 14 DD #1 (1st A) 10/13/01 with single OW who was co-worker DD#2 1/23/02 phone call from OW WH left job 4/02 MC 10/01 to 4/02 (when he showed up) Separated 7/04 to 10/04 Retrouvaille 9/04 Red Flags 11/05 DD#1 (2nd affair) 8/16/06 with MOW age 29 twice married and he's her boss. Moved out (him) weekend after labor day 23rd anniversary 10/7/07 Filed 10/18/06 still seeing MOW Dropped divorce complaint 6/7/07
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It's called a H.O.G. and doesn't need batteries.
BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5 OM1 9/06 - 03/07 OM2 04/07 - present Divorced May 8, 2008
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Hey, ix-nay.
My mom reads this thread. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Hello, Mrs SDguy Mom! You look wonderful today! SDguy and I were about to go out to throw around the football!
Thank you! I would love to stay for supper.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Chris,
You know we always Pray before engaging in athletic activities. We could get hurt and we need the Lord's protection.
Take a knee and bow your head fellas.
BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5 OM1 9/06 - 03/07 OM2 04/07 - present Divorced May 8, 2008
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Nothing but crickets this week. I've had the kids for the last four days, and we had a good time--two baseball games, a birthday party, dining out, more baseball in front of the house, and plenty of kitten time (DD3 LOVES the kitten). I made treasure hunts for them, which I think they enjoyed.
Lots of talk from DD3 about missing Mommy and wishing she would come home. A couple of times a day, and I usually respond with "I wish she would come home, too . . . I miss her, too." One conversation (when DS7 was there) went into bad choices but that they didn't make Mommy a bad person--she's a good person, and we all miss her.
This morning, DS7 asked me if I was fixing up the house to try to get Mommy to come home and that it looks really good. I told him that I was doing it mostly to make the house look better. Later, DD3 was writing a note to WW just before I took the kids over for the transfer. I'm not sure what the point of the note was (DD3 called it a thank you note), but I helped her write Thank You on it. Then DS7 came over to help, and what he wrote was "I wish that you would come home."
I'm not asking them to do it or even bringing it up, but I suspect they talk about her coming home more because they know it's what I want. It's what they want, too, of course, but I don't think I would hear so much about it if I sold them a bill of goods about two houses and everything being okay, but I won't do that. That's not wrong, is it?
Okay, gotta pay attention to this kitten now.
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Nope. Not even a little bit. It's what they want, too, It is. They want their family put back together every bit as much as you do. The fact that you haven't thrown in the towel, but are still fighting for their family, makes you a true hero. You give them HOPE. And they are acting on that hope. ~ Marsh
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Thanks for dropping by, Marsh. I've missed you.
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Nothing but crickets this week. thats good SuperGuy!!!! great plan B!!!! don't have much advice but wanted to check in keep up the good work, and please please tell me more about your glorious weather:)
Fightingback
BS (me) 36
WS 39
3 kids 3,4,8
together 15yrs
EA 9/06, PA 10/06
12/07 plan A
1/13/07 WS moves out
1/27/07 1st attempt plan B
2/20/07 REAL plan B
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It's totally normal for the children to speak what they are feeling; it's good. You have done well not to bad mouth your WW in front of them.
Crickets are good, but can be deafening, too!
Me-BS-38 Married 1997; son, 8yo Divorced April 2009
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Back at you, FB, in terms of advice. It sounds like you're doing great--moving to a place you're comfortable with (and maybe one you would have chosen if you had known how it could be--does that make sense?)
I know that crickets are good, that the lack of drama is important for Plan B, but I want for something to be happening--for things to be improving and getting better. Other things I could have said to WW during my Conversation a week ago pop into my head, and I try to keep them from buzzing around my brain for too long. I know that this takes time and patience, but sometimes the waiting is agony.
I saw WW in her SUV on the way into work today. I tried to make it so we didn't stop next to each other at a light--tried not to look, even. But I noticed mud on one of the tires. The mind takes off--how did the mud get there? What was she doing? Out somewhere with the OM having fun, doing stuff that we never did, right? Argh! I caught myself very quickly and squashed the thoughts, but triggers abound.
This is routine Plan B stuff at this point, but I guess I'm posting it partly for any new Killer Bees--there's a whole range of emotions and feelings that we go through. It helps to know you're not the only one.
The weather here is not great. We're into May Gray (which gives way to June Gloom). At this time of year, we get coastal clouds that sometimes recede during the middle of the day. Today, they didn't, so it was in the low-mid 60s all day.
Yesterday was better--there was some sun, so when I took my beach walk (after dropping off the kids with WW), I didn't get too cold. I was surprised at how few people there were on the beach. I just started walking, not knowing how far I intended to go, and wound up walking through Black's Beach, the local unofficial nude beach. There were more people there, all naked middle-aged white guys (maybe a dozen or so). Yuck. I kept walking. All in all, a nice walk.
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All I can think is BALLS, BALLS!!!, My EYES, My SWEET BEAUTIFUL EYES!!!!, oy, what a world...
Me-BS-38 Married 1997; son, 8yo Divorced April 2009
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I think I posted previously about a beach walk at which I "didn't see the water."
Yesterday, I saw the water.
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I saw WW in her SUV on the way into work today. THERE'S SUV'S IN SAN DIEGO!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
BS 33 EXWW 35 DS 5 OM1 9/06 - 03/07 OM2 04/07 - present Divorced May 8, 2008
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Think we all drive Prius's?
When I drop my kids off at school in the morning, the cars are outnumbered by SUVs maybe 4:1. Plenty of Hummers here, too. Nice shiny ones, because they've never been off-road.
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