ummmm....yeah....what SL said. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Or is this one of those "guy" stories? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Fox

Hey, I know a guy you can CC.

Enquiring minds want to know.

Check your email Amigos. Now we know the rest of the story.

I'm back from North Carolina. The vacation was great--a week in a huge house right on the ocean surrounded by family. Twenty of us in a seven-bedroom house. For some, that would be a nightmare, but not for my family--we look forward to this all year long, and we had a great time. Time to read, sleep, play at the beach. Good food, good happy hours. The kids played with cousins practically nonstop. Very relaxing. Climbing to the top of the Currituck lighthouse with the kids was the most ambitious thing I did all week.

But

we've been doing this for over ten years, and this was the first time the SCQ wasn't there. By the end of the week, I think I was very aware of the wrongness of the whole siutation. Seeing the other married couples interacting happily together, watching my kids miss their mother, knowing that it should be different triggered some depression for me at the end of the week. I got behind on sleep, too.

Saturday was a travel day from ****** (2-hour drive followed by flying cross-country with the kids, who are, albeit, great travelers), which sucked even more energy out of me. It was a bit of a relief to take the kids back to the SCQ so that I could decompress yesterday, but I was again aware of the wrongness of their not being there last night.

I don't know where this puts me. Depressed still, but I hope this clears up within a day or so. I talked about another appointment with Jennifer but never did it; now I think I will. I feel a bit lost. I don't know what I want, I don't know how to think, I don't know what to do.

I'm all over the place--realizing that I miss my wife and desperately wanting something to happen one minute, wanting to chuck the whole thing and start dating the next, then back to knowing that the affair will fall apart if it's given enough time and feeling like I can do that. Maybe it's just the waiting I'm tired of. Maybe I'm feeling the need to DO SOMETHING again, like reach out to WW and see who she is or go to the online dating sites and look at the possibilities or, or, or . . . .

It's depressing to feel crappy on the heels of such a great vacation, but not unexpected, I guess, given the circumstances. A couple of good nights of sleep followed by a good block party on the 4th should help.

Sounds like you are building wonderful memories for your kids. Of course it would be depressing to be without your wife. It always is when you go somewhere and see happy families. I even thought about my ex when I went to the county fair this year. Everyone looks so happy together. I even skipped the woodworking exhibits that he used to love.

It's good to have you back.

hey guy not so smiley,

We missed you.

I, too, felt like you did, even though PWC was there; it's just a different pain. The loss of what we had, the mess that we are in. Yes, he's hear, so I'm not comparing the pain, surely not. I remember it quite well.

I think you need a couple of days to settle back in to your routine. You have done one of the things that you shared as a family, the trip to the beach, and the loss is amplified. Not very unusual, I would say.

Maybe it's time to talk to Jennifer again, get some perspective, feedback. You sound like you need some reassurances that what you feel right now is part of the whole thing, sort of 'normal' for this sitch.

((((sdguy)))))

Hey there...welcome back.

I am sorry to hear how you are feeling...I think it is normal, I know I still go through it sometimes.

When you are exhausted physically and emotionally is the hardest...you feel like you are too tired to keep trying.

So, like we all say to each other...just chill out and wait til you are feeling "normal" again before making any decisions.

You already know this, just wanted to remind you! You are a definite pillar of strength, no question about it...so I don't think I am saying anything you haven't already said to yourself.

Have a great 4th! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
IHC

Glad you are back, sd. I know those feelings so well...

Sucks, don't it?

Think about this, though...I ALWAYS feel let down after a vacation. Just tired, off schedule, out of a routine, piles of laundry, nothing more to look forward to....if that has ever held true for you, then you can only expect that under these circumstances, it's far, far worse.

So give yourself a break, and know you are out of sorts. This too shall pass.

Thanks for the viewpoints. I think you are right--the depression is to be expected and is a product of exhaustion and predictable feelings. I feel better this evening and think that tomorrow will be even better.

I did set up an appointment with Jennifer for this weekend.

And I have a new weapon in the arsenal against the FSK (only 25 or so new scratches since I got home)--a laserpointer. She runs after it, (FSK says 0c0vc cd `) climbs the walls, chatters--it's great. Now she's standing in front of me--sidehopping and arching her back. She's fierce, all right.

Who knew lasers could provide for hours of fun...I can play the same game with my kids...think about it!!!!!

Oh, my cats used to love the laser pointer, may two of them RIP. My last cat of the three, Jerry, is an outdoorsman; he comes in to eat and get some lovins, but likes to prowl and catch things, bring them home and leave them on the doorstep to show us his prize.

I'm finally past the bout of depression, but it lingered through Friday, which was a bit surprising (in length). I really hate that foggy cobwebs-in-the-head feeling, which is how most of the week was.

The weekend was much better. I was planning a quiet Friday evening but was invited to join the neighbors for dinner and a guys' poker game, which was a lot of fun. It seemed like they had ten or so different crazy wild-card games that I had to learn, but I held my own and was only down a dollar or so at the end of the night.

Saturday had a day to myself. Leisurely finished a book, watched some baseball, had a call with Jennifer (will post about that later), got a massage, did some woodworking. Nice day.

I got the kids back yesterday (uneventful transfer), and we went to see Ratatouille and then to the beach. The water here was actually warmer than it was at the Outer Banks (weird), and the surf was bigger, so the kids had a good time wave-jumping. Both of them agreed that it was a great day. ("Thanks for taking us to the beach, Dad." from DD4). Made dinner at home. Played with the kitten. Good stuff.

I checked in with my lawyer last week and found out that the custody/support agreements have been approved by the court and are in force now. The court-required status update was continued until mid-August (at which I think the disclosure stuff happens?). My lawyer knows that I don't want to rush anything, and I asked whether her lawyer was pushing, and he said no. So I guess I'll continue in my Plan B for a while.

Good to hear that the 'funk' has left you. Sounds like you had quite a eventful Saturday; a massage--I'm jealous.

You are doing great guy smiley, keep on keepin' on...

SD,

I just found your post which answered my question about how long you have been in your Plan B. Well, hats off to you brother because you've lasted a lot longer than I think that I can last. You have small children, which is of course an incentive (my only one is 25). I can certainly see how you feel up one day, down the next. Is there any indication that your WW's A is running its course??

I wish I knew, KG. It's another one of the frustrations about Plan B--you don't know what's happening on the other side. Sometimes that and the slow pace of Plan B get to be too much for the BS, and they stick their head out (i.e., fall off their plan B) to see what's going on. It happened to me a couple of months ago, when I took a phone call from the SCQ (my WW) and talked to her for a while. I heard some stuff that gave me some glimmers of hope, but then she turned around and took my kids on a vacation with the OM and his kids.

So she's still fogged. She's a VERY passive person (and stubborn, too), so I wonder whether she will ever be able to take the initiative to come home. I've said before that if I believed she was making sane, rational decisions about our marriage (some marriages shouldn't be saved, in my opinion), I would have given up long ago. Lord knows that would be easier. Her actions and words are prototypical WS, however, so I know that the affair will end the way all of the rest of them do. It's only a question of when and how long I can wait. Knowing what I know, I feel like I owe it to my children to hang out for as long as I can, which is a while longer.

To make it easier, set yourself a checkpoint. Say, three months. I'm going to do this for three months, then I'm going to do a status check. That's what I did, and at three months I felt much better and stronger. Now it's six months, and it's a drag and crazy and depressing and insane, but I know that I can keep doing it. My kids deserve better than what they're getting right now.

You're asking good questions. I'll try to keep an eye on your thread. Thanks for stopping by.

SD - not sure if you've been following along with my sitch but I would welcome some plan B advice as I am moving in that direction, albeit slowly.

Glad you enjoyed the vacation on my side of the states <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Ya'll come back now, ya hear?

Depression came back around yesterday and whacked me upside the head. I feel somewhat better today. I met with my psychiatrist yesterday and adjusted my meds a bit. Depression sucks.

I still have to figure out the get-together on Saturday. Saturday is my day with the kids, but I think the get-together would be a drag for them. Our custody agreement requires that before getting alternate childcare that we offer it up to each other, so I sent her an email on Monday asking her whether she wants to keep them. No response yet. Sigh. I know, I know--I should have dealt with this sooner. Apply 2x4 here.

IHC, are you coming? You haven't RSVP'ed to Pep's thread yet.

Hi SD! i'm glad to hear that you are feeling better today and you are taking some great measures for self-care...

That's great to see!

I know that it can be a real drag waiting for God's plan to show itself to you, it has been a real drag for me...

I think that I'm starting to see that now, patients is so hard to have...until then we have guardian angels sent to us to watch over us and give us the strenght that we "think" we don't have...

Brighter days are coming...and YOU ARE doing such a wonderful job! keep up the great work! You are going to be just fine!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

SDG,

I really want to come, but I am helping out with a fundraising event on both Friday and Saturday. I was thinking of trying to come for an hour or two, but I am not sure that I can do it. The event is at 6pm both nights, so I would have to leave by 4. I may try to come still.

Or...maybe another event could be planned, one that would not be quite so rushed!

I really want to meet everyone...