*crickets chirp*

Plan B is so boring.

SDguy,

How are things going otherwise? Is this your weekend with the kids.

Try to do something for you today. K?

Still

I for one would call OMW and get the scoop on the custody thing to see if it is just another lie of some sort.

You know you are doing a good job in Plan B when you are bored. It means you are drama free, and have lots and lots and lots of time to look at yourself...

My parents just got here to help out, which is awesome. The kids love grandparent time, and I can kind of relax and recharge my batteries. The kids go back over to the SCQ tomorrow, but today we had a leisurely morning and went to the beach. The water is really warm (75) for Southern California, and we had a good time splashing in the waves. Probably because of global warming. Take secondary gain where you can get it, I guess.

It was tempting, but I haven't called OMW. I did send her a brief email telling her I was curious about what was going on with her but didn't want to generate any big drama. And that she could call me if she wants, but she hasn't.

It will be great if OM is lying about everything. It's hard to imagine how OMW could sound sane every time I talk to her on the phone but lose custody of her kids. On the other hand, maybe I haven't heard anything from her over the past few months because she's been hospitalized. I don't know. But I also don't know what I would do differently based on what I might find out.

I already have good evidence that the POSOM was lying to the SCQ, but he seems to have weasled out of it. If the OMW were to tell me that she didn't lose custody, what would I do with that? Why would the SCQ listen to me? Messengers with that kind of news get killed. Plus, only she can figure it out. I have released her to her fate. I met with my lawyer yesterday and recognize that I will be writing the SCQ a very very large check. I believe that the POSOM is pulling the strings and has plans for that money, and maybe I could figure out what they are by talking to OMW, but I'm trying to let it go. It's her money.

When I think of her now, I alternate between revulsion and pity. And anger, for what she's doing to our children. And because I have to answer them when they tell me they wish she was still home.

There were a lot of attractive women at the beach.

CALL The OMW sooner than later and get the truth. If you determine that POSOM is lying to WW about custody simply get a copy of the legal paperwork documenting his lie and mail it to her for her own, blind and delusional eyes to read so that she can have lying POSOM explain it to her.

Also, find out about their little strategy if OMW knows anything.

I agree that it's good that you are BORED. My opinion, as humble as it is, is to stay out of it, as best you can, don't create any drama. You can send letters and emails and whatever, but they won't crack that thick candy shell she has over her ears and eyes. It has to be her choice to SEE.

I say, leave it be.

Ah, what would a beautiful Sunday in Southern California be without a good trigger.

So, I've spent the last couple of weeks changing ADs, and they're really not working right yet. Mornings are still full of depression for me--the clinical trouble-getting-out-of-bed-my-head-feels-like-it's-full-of-molasses kind. It feels biochemical rather than because I'm obsessing, etc, but it all rolls together into a grey mess inside my head. I meet with my psychiatrist Tuesday to confer.

Anyway, today wasn't really different. I felt initially anxious about the kid transfer at noon, but it eased up a little bit as we got ready, and I started to feel a little bit good, thinking that it was going to be a good afternoon once the transfer was over. I didn't lose it while doing DD4's hair and she had a dialog going about "Mommies aren't supposed to leave their families / I wish Mommy still lived here / Why do I have to go to Mommy's / Is Mommy right or wrong / Is Mommy mean." I mostly listened and said constructive things like "Mommy loves you very much" and "Mommy wants to spend time with you."

So we're just about set to go, and I pick up my cell phone and see that there's a text message:

"Please drop them off at 3. Stuck in traffic. Could be home sooner but do not know. I will let you know. Respond with call or text."

Sigh. We were actually planning to go to the horse races at Del Mar.

I'm not as angry as I might be (which I think is a good sign), but there are certainly plenty of angry responses that come to mind.

Is this about making the weekend transfer inconvenient for me so that I will give in on whole weekends? This is the weekend she wanted me to give up, and I assume that she is traveling with the POSOM, so maybe they just didn't leave as early as they should have. Either way, it's despicable.

Okay. Deep breathing. Then I will enjoy the extra time with my kids.

ah hah, I see where this came from...

you are in plan B. you are not communicating with your wife about relationships, yours or hers.

Unless this information will help you legally, or help you expose to her family and friends, you should be ignoring this temptation.

Drama is a Plan B killer. It will simply result in more destruction of your love for her, and THAT is bad for your kids.

Stop it. Or I'll sic Mel and Mimi on ya. (heehee)

I need to have this tattooed on the inside of my eyelids, because clearly I fell out of this today. I didn't respond to her TM at all and didn't communicate anything until 3:30, when my mom called her and said we'd bring the kids over soon. In the interim, I got a couple of saucy VMs from her (I deleted them mostly unheard).

I spent much of the day thinking of other things I might have said to her if I had responded: "It's okay--they didn't want to come over to your place anyway" or "It's nice that your priorities are so geared toward your children" and plenty of others.


I actually thought getting info from the court was an elegant solution. No drama for the other three players, and maybe I find out something useful. If he is baldface lying to her that badly, it might make a difference in terms of my stamina. Her family is worthless and she has few (and no real) friends.


You need not quote my comments above. I know that you were talking about drama for me, not the others. I'm just so tired. If this is What Is, then why am I not meeting other people?

Because What Is is not necessarily What Will Be.

And because you are a good father, and a good husband.

Because you are choosing to do what is right in the face of grave wrong.

And even if we *knew* that she was never coming home, you are in no shape to meet other people.

*sigh*

((((sdGUY)))))

IT'S ROUGH GRIEVING!

(((sd))))

Guy Smiley,

The direction you are being given by BR is so dead on in Plan B. You are not doing a good plan B if you are trying to dig up court records to show to your WW to GET her to GET IT.

It's a waste of your precious time.

But. . . but. . . yeah, okay.

I know, guy, BR really does nail it, in no uncertain terms; don't you just hate that?!

I printed out the exchange BR and I had where she told me what acceptance meant and then I took a stab at acceptance and then she deconstructed my attempt and then I rewrote my homework and got passing grades. And I took that exchange and read it to my IC, and before I got very far into it, she used the word "brilliant." I could say more, but I don't want BR's head to swell up too much, because she might get all self-important and stop helping me.


I find that this works for me. Paging Captain Oblivious . . . .

edit: You should have seen how hard I laughed at her response when she caught me asking the legal question.

good thing I don't require that external validation to have a swelled up head....<snicker>

that's just because I need someone to put the dots really really close for me before I get something...

yeah, we're good at helping you connect those dots, aren't we, heh heh.

guy, I laughed out loud when she caught you. Mimi does that to me all of the time. I really do make it easy to connect those dots...