your kids can teach you a few things...

I leave tomorrow for a business trip to the UK. A conference--I'm giving a talk and facilitating a couple of other meetings, so I'm somewhat stressed. Plus, I always experience some anxiety before business travel because I just don't like it much.

Any ideas for good England-themed souvenirs for the kids? What should I be on the lookout for?

When I travel to Europe I usually bring back tshirts. Every souvenier shop has them, they don't take up too much space in the suitcase (I travel with one carry on, thats it) and the kids can wear them to school.

Of course, since I am always in Switzerland, I am required to bring back loads of chocolate...but that won't help you in the UK. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

GuySmiley,

Wow,,,, a business trip to the UK? I think that is outstanding! I get to travel to exotic places like Columbus, OH!!

Don't stress,,,, Enjoy as much as you can. Sorry I can't help with the souvenier ideas having never been there. I'm like BR, I go with what can be packed easily.

Have a GREAT trip!

Wow, there goes my big news about a 3-day business trip to Nashville in October (although I am going to try to run down to the Shiloh Battlefield one afternoon which is cool).

Get your son a modern Coldstream Guard action figure. Very cool red tunic and bearskin hat. Plus a rifle that will rival anything his Luke or Hans has. Let him start saving Princess Leah!

Thanks for the suggestions. I gave my presentation today, and it was well-received, so now I can relax a bit.

DD4 has been expressing an interest in Barbies lately (not something we encouraged but also not something we will deny), so I was kind of looking around for East End Barbie or Royal Family Skipper but haven't seen them. Guess maybe I'll have to go with t-shirts.

So how was the trip? What did you bring back?

And don't do anything stupid, or I'm telling.

Hey, thanks for digging out my thread, Sis. I always seem to schedule business trips with no time to do anything on the side, so my shopping time was reduced to a) after 6, when England is closed, or b) 45 minutes at the Gatwick airport before my flight. I went with teddy bears wearing Union Jack sweatshirts and a small London double-decker bus (not that I saw a real one). It was good enough. I could have brought back a rock from the beach, and DD4 would have thought it was wonderful.

The trip was good. Met lots of nice colleagues. Heard lots of very impressive science. Saw some cool old building. Ate some . . . food (I will avoid my riff on English cuisine so as not to offend any potential readers from the UK, but suffice it to say that I don't consider food to be among their finer contributions to modern culture).

On Saturday morning, I had tickets to take the kids onto the field at Petco Park (where the Padres play), so I got the kids back Friday night two hours after my plane got back in. Something like 18 hours travel time. I'm just about recovered now. The kids went pretty easy on me.


So I was kidding when I wrote that, but, thinking about it on the way home, stupid possibilities abound.

Wednesday, for example, is the full moon. The full moon was always special for us--we first kissed under a full moon, and it remained significant during our relationship (or the early portion, anyway). The SCQ had a moon watch--one that mechanically tracks the phase of the moon throughout the month. When the first one died, she got another one just like it. Eventually, she quit wearing watches. So at some point last summer, when I was trying to connect with her, I waited til a full moon, had one of the watches fixed and gave it to her along with an anniversary card in which I had counted up the number of full moons it had been in between our first kiss and the card. She looked at me like I was nuts.

Anyway. Wednesday. Full moon. Also our 15th wedding anniversary. So there are all kinds of stupid things I could do. Send her a card, trying to make her feel it (or see whether she does feel anything anymore). Go talk to her and find out whether she's happy with her decisions. Go out to a bar looking for tawdry sex (where are those bars, anyway?).

Or work through the kids, and tell the SCQ about how DD4 complains every time she has to go back over to Mommy's. It's every time now. I asked her if she complains about coming back to our house, and she said "No, I like it here."

Or if I really want to make sure I get BR's attention, I could mention how girl-watching has become my favorite sport (again). Tonight at yoga I got a cramp in my neck just after doing a shoulder-stand. The instructor felt bad about it and asked me if I was checking my shoulder-stand by looking in the mirror, because turning your head while your body is all contorted like that isn't a good idea. I told her no, because I wasn't looking at my shoulder stand, but I realized that I *had been* craning my neck over to look at Holly (and the impressive head stand she was doing). The neck is better now.

Ah, yes, the possibilities abound.

They most certainly do!

And you've covered a good bit of them. Given the fact that your anniversary is approaching, there's probably no way around considering them. Maybe it's even healthy to imagine various scenarios, just as long as they always end the same way: a blank stare from SCQ and crickets chirping.

Sort of a blast of cold water on your wonderfully and imaginatively contrived drama.

You sound well, even though I imagine you are still jet laggy, and as a result, probably vulnerable emotionally.

Hey, nothing wrong with just looking, in my book. Don't break your neck doing it though. How'd that be for karma? Jeez.

It so happens that Holly is one of the site nurses. If we had connected while she was treating the neck muscle and gone on to a wonderful relationship. . . I mean, karma can work both ways, right?

I'm just joking, of course.

And the drive to do all that other stuff is only noticable when I go looking for it. I think I'm developing a new persona--Captain Acceptance. I'm not sure exactly what he will be like, but I suspect that his personal sound effect will be crickets chirping.

LMAO...You are a NUT...good to hear that you are doing well and sound great!!!

Captain Acceptance...LMAO...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Captain Acceptance,

Good for you! Glad you are doing well. Watch out for those girl watching injuries!! The skills required for that have been dormant for a while, so take care when exercising them again. Take it slow to avoid injury!!

SDGuy.. I'm pretty new here.. and with my D-Day following my WW filing for D only about a month ago things are pretty raw for me.

I have to say though, your stamina through all of this, and the amazing father you are to your kids is an inspiration to me.

I'm not so sure I'm ready to dig my heels in for the long ride like this, but if that's what it takes to put my family back together then at least I have a template in you to see what seems to work and what doesn't when I'm ready to go to my Plan B.

I can't thank you enough for sharing all you've gone through, and just want you to know that you and your kids, and even the SCQ will be in my prayers.

You're an amazing guy.. an inspiration to others, and a true hero to your kids.

Thanks for those very kind words, Jamesus, and for reading my story. I think I've only glanced at your thread in the past--sometimes dealing with one's own mess is all one can handle--but I'll try to drop by more often. Just in looking, I can see that you've been getting some great advice lately, in particular from MrW and Graycloud.

I had lunch today with a couple of friends I hadn't seen for a while and so had/got to give the update. Very much 'this is how it is, there's nothing else I can do about it, it's not how I would choose things to be, I'm okay and the kids seem to be, too.'

My anniversary is today, but I can't say that I feel anything for it. Don't know what that means.

GuySmiley,,,,,

Anniversary yesterday? I know that's a tough one, even if you are at the "I don't know what or how I feel" stage about it.

Glad you spent some time with friends, but I understand how it is to give that "update" report to folks you haven't seen. At times you really have to get it all out, and other times it like Joe Friday "Just the facts".

{{HUGS}}

SDGuy,

I hope I'm as strong as you when my 23rd anniversary come up in a little over a week. I actually dread this one more than last year!

Not sure what I'm planning to do....for me. Have thought about giving him a last anniversary card. I know not a great idea. Did find one that I could incorporate how I had loved him.

Keep being strong and the great dad that you are.

(((hugs)))

Still

I let the dogs out into the back yard for their final romp of the night, and took a moment to look up at the full moon. The night was muggy, and I could hear nature's night life boogyin down, the frogs, the toads, the birds, various noisy night creatures and especially....

THE CRICKETS!!!!

The sky was clear and the moon looked so unreal; it was so sharp and IN FOCUS. The light was so intense that I couldn't see the stars. It was like the moon was saying--LOOK AT ME!!! I could make out all of these craters and changes, it was cool.

I have one really good memory of my grandmother (she was not--um, very kind). It was summer in Virginia, it was evening, and the moon was hanging low in the sky, sorta with a tinge of orange. My Mammy told me to look for the woman in the moon. She began describing how to find it. Once I really focused, I could see it! It was really cool. I have a hard time finding her these days, because I don't remember exactly how Mammy described her.

Last night, I tried to find her again, to no avail, but it's a fun challenge. Maybe little corny for some, but it's the only really happy memory I have with her.

I thought about Guy Smiley, and if I had had one on me, I would have hoisted a drink to you. Mmmmmmm, wine.

Thanks, SL--that's nice. I didn't look at the sky last night. It wasn't deliberate, it just didn't cross my mind. I had the kids back, and we were doing stuff. Plus, it might have been cloudy. I know we had fog as I was going to bed. Glad you had a nice moment with the heavens last night. I really enjoy those.

I don't know what to tell you about your anniversary, Still. It depends upon where you are. If you're still working your plan B, then don't. If you're Done and it will give you some kind of closure, I guess I don't see any harm.

It was easy for me to not do anything. Maybe because I have detached. I don't miss her, or at least not much (I miss having *someone*, but not necessarily her). When I was talking with my friends yesterday I said what I want is for the biological parents of my children to be in love, which is not the same as wanting the SCQ back.

There was a piece on NPR this morning about ovarian cancer and how it goes undetected in lots of women, and it made me wonder. If the SCQ had ovarian cancer, would I care? Would the hurt/anger/resentment let me care? I don't know the answer.

Heavy stuff. I feel really good.

SDGuy,

I haven't been in plan B for awhile now. Although communication is pretty limited. He hates the fact I barely look at him at our kids soccer games. I really don't kow what he expects?

I had told him last week that we might have been able to be friends but unfortunately he did this in the most hurtful way. That I don;t think he will ever understand how much he hurt me , until it happens to him. That I don't want friends in my life that have done to me what he has done. That I gave him everything I had and he betrayed me not once but twice. That he has destroyed and lost my love, friendship and respect. Maybe someday he may be willing to earn that back but I wasn't holding my breathe.

So no I'm not in plan B, but keeping my distance from him as best I can until after the D and then interaction will be even less.

Still

So here I was trolling around on page 3 and I stumble onto this thread.

What are you doing? Sterilizing Sippy Cups (registered trade name)? Listening to crickets? Building little ships in bottles?