Thanks, Believer!

I live in the Del Mar Highlands area, which they got more serious about evacuating at the end of the day. I don't think my house is in much danger, but after the deaths during the Cedar fires, they evacuate first, ask questions later.

The cat and I are pretty comfortable here at work, but if they kick me out of here, I'll keep your offer in mind!

ETA--haven't heard about any fire threat to Oceanside.

Better safe than sorry. Besides the Cedar fires, there was a fire a couple of years ago that came all the way to La Costa - like a mile from the ocean. One man waited too long to evacuate and was killed by the fire, right in front of his home while trying to escape.

Let me know if you need anything. Hopefully it will miss your home. But even if you want to drop off the cat - that will be fine. We are cat lovers.

Just catching up. I saw it all on the news last night and it was unbelievable. I am relieved to hear that you evacuated.

Please do not put yourself in any danger. Your kids need you.

(((((sd)))))

Stay safe. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Still

Hey Guy... man, I'm glad I came over to read your thread.

Probably not much comfort to you right now but it sounds like your living daily life feels a lot like what I've been dealing with internally lately.

My prayers are with you bro.. the cat, the kids, and even SCQ.. believe me, I know and understand the anger from a few days ago... didn't really realize after your post on my thread just how closely you understood it too.

Hard with kids involved... hard man. But you and I.. we get to be the better people.. we're going to be the ones our kids look back on in their 20's and go.. you know what.. I never really realized just how much I want to be like him.

You're a great dad man.. stay safe from the fires.. we've been burnt enough. God will provide.

SD,

Oh, I am SO relieved you are OK! I thought about you all day yesterday and all night last night.

You & kitty stay safe now!

Glad to hear you are safe, Guy Smiley. I've been watching the news and thinking of you. Hope you grabbed the shovel. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Fox

The shovel! I knew I forgot something.

Hi, All. Thanks for all the great thoughts.

I talked with a neighbor today who told me that the police came by the street last night at midnight telling people to get out, so I'm just as happy that I went ahead and left. We're pretty comfortable in my office. Maybe I'll even do some work. The site (we have several buildings) is officially closed, like most of the county, but there are a handful of evacuees hanging out.

I still don't think the fires are near my house, but it's hard to figure out exactly where they are. I'm watching a streaming news cast on the web.

I'm going to need a cat-sized treadmill, though.

Haha...love those adventurous kittens...I miss mine. I am glad you are guys are doing well and safe. Well if ya need to get away let me know we got some room up north in monterey. BTW how's the smoke down there a friend of mine is insistent on goint to Knotts-scarey farms this weekend and I am kind of like...ehhhhh....I don't think it's wise.

Glad things are well. I got more information from the blogs on the signonsandiego and nctimes sites than anywhere. Residents are giving very detailed information.

Thanks for the tip, Believer.

They okayed returns to the Del Mar Heights area, so I went ahead and came home. Several neighbors have done the same. It's weird outside--the winds have shifted enough that it doesn't really smell like smoke outside (that or I'm desensitized). No wind to speak of.

300,000 acres burned (as much as the Cedar fire 4 years ago, except these aren't contained). 1300 homes destroyed. Wow.

You must be so relieved to be home. From what I see and hear, it is just horrific. Yesterday on NPR they referred a number of times to Del Mar specifically. I have no idea how big that area is, but of course it was troubling to hear your community mentioned.

Please keep us posted?

And be sure to take extra good care of yourself. I wonder if you will experience some delayed reaction to all of this. Even if you didn't experience any "loss," the trauma all around you and the stress of the situation is bound to have an impact....particularly since you are vulnerable. Just be sure to pay attention to what you are feeling.

Take care, and I'm keeping you and everyone out there in my prayers.

Glad to hear you're home Guy.. been thinking about you a lot as they show the pictures and such on the news.

Course the local radio shows here seem to be mostly concerned with where the Chargers-Texans game is going to be played. Sad really our society prioritizes these things over peoples lives being destroyed.

I'm relieved though to hear that things are ok with you. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers man. Keep the chin up.

Thanks, guys. I'm fine. Today was completely peaceful--it was very hot (it got up to 90 at my house, which it does maybe twice a year), the winds were mostly calm, and it still didn't smell too much like smoke. Without TV coverage, it wouldn't be obvious that the fires are still raging elsewhere

My neighbors started rolling in mid-morning. The SCQ returned the kids at noon, and we had a low-impact day. Later, we went over to a neighborhood gathering--beer, wine, pizza, games for the kids, baseball--really good time. Blowing off some of the steam that seemed to have built up for people.


Maybe you're right, Sis. I don't know. I'll keep an eye on it. It doesn't feel like any of this has stressed me, but I haven't run into anyone yet who has lost everything. When I thought about it, it was easy to apply the wildfire to my own situation. Just as devastating, and just as easy for me to control (I imagine myself standing in front of my house with a garden hose against heat so intense it melted alloy wheels into little streams of metal that solidified again after the fire moved on). I'm feeling pretty good at the moment. I think I'll try to make sweet rolls for the firefighters at the station around the corner tomorrow.

My FIL called me today to check on us. I was somewhat cool to him on the phone, but now I kind of feel bad about it. A whole bunch of my anger toward my ILs dissolved (they didn't deserve as much anger as I was directing at them, plus I suck at staying mad at people). It didn't sound like he had talked with the SCQ. The kids probably haven't talked to those grandparents in months. Now I'm thinking of having the kids call them tomorrow.

And now my MIL included me in one of those chain email things (but not the SCQ).

I'm so glad to hear that things feel pretty normal. I'm probably speaking from my own way of dealing with things...I would be really affected by it. I had a really hard time after 9/11, and I knew no one, and I'm here in the Midwest, far away from where it all happened. (I always attributed my reaction to the fact that it was only three months after my dad died, though...)

I love your analogy about the garden hose.

Anyway, that's so nice to hear that your ILs are reaching out. Are you saying that SCQ has distanced herself from them?

It's a mixed blessing, I guess. If they are "on the outs" with SCQ, it would be easy to reach out to them and get drawn into that dynamic....re-engaging with a piece of SCQ instead of working on letting go. You'd have someone to commiserate with...someone else who has been devastated by her actions...someone who understands. It could be very comforting, as long as you are cautious.

And they are human beings, too, after all, wounded people who love and miss their grandchildren, I'm sure.

On the other hand, if they were still fully a part of SCQ's life (like my ILs), it is easy to sort of cut them off, and there's no opportunity to try to connect to XH through them. Another huge loss, to be sure, but I need to take care of myself. In my case, ILs excuse and rationalize and deny XH's behavior...and because I have trusted them, I tend to "believe" it...which places so much more responsibility and blame for what happened on me. Much, much more than I deserve. And it adds to the hurt.

I'm thinking aloud and processing my own "stuff," and don't know if this makes sense.

Just be careful.

(Listen to me...I keep cautioning you. I don't mean to be so patronizing. Much of it is me putting myself in your shoes, and anticipating how I would react, so please don't take it personally!)

GuySmiley,

Glad things are back to 'normal' so to speak.

I am with Sis on keeping in touch with the ILs. It's a good thing, especially for the kiddos, but be cautious that it doesn't keep you tied to what SCQ is doing too much. From the sound of it, that's not going to be much of an issue right now.

It's strange isn't it, to get emails with your name but not her's,,,,, and then even more strange when you get one that also includes her. That happened to me yesterday & it felt weird for some reason?

Have a great day & I'll keep those prayers going for no Wind!

Hey Amigo,

It looks like the D-Line has made a stop here so I guess I will stretch my legs a bit. (Waving Hi to Sis and Bugs)

Quite a visual: SD with a pin-hole leaking garden hose trickling at half pressure, fighting a raging wildfire in the teeth of a 50 mph Santa Ana wind with a kitten under his arm. It would make a great, albiet short, live feed for the Southern Cali masses.

Glad your home. Glad I'm home. DD was real goofy when I first got back. I would catch her looking at me and then she would smile and say "I love you Daddy". She would hug me every time I walked by. Finally I asked her if she broke something or dented her car while I was gone. Nope, she was just glad I was back.

I think the coverage of the fires here while I was gone gave her the impression that the last charred and maimed survivors were being driven headlong into the Pacific. She was real worried. First about me then about you.

I have found these past few months that even relatively big events/problems in my life inflict far less stress than before D-Day. I think some people think I am just oblivious to everything. Maybe they are right, but nothing seems as stressful or daunting as before.

Just another Trial by Fire.

You sound pretty good Amigo. Stay safe and inspect that garden hose.

Just found out one of my best friends/previous co-workers lost her house in the fires. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Oh, Guy, I'm sorry to hear that.

How are YOU today? Maybe helping your friend, in some way, will help you. I dunno, just thinking out loud.

I've been feeling okay if not good. I told my friend that if she needs someone to talk to who has been through a life-altering trauma over which they have no control, I am here for her. She sounded a bit shell-shocked when I talked with her. I went through DS7's clothes and have a pretty nice collection of extras for her kids.


I can totally echo this. These fires just didn't stress me very much. I look at my neighbors--the SAHM's who had to evacuate with their kids, and how stressed they were, and can't really relate. I was sitting around with some of them Friday night giving them the update on me and my situation and commented that I think I'm desensitized to trauma and how with the fires, my response was basically "Is this the best you've got?"

I got the kids back yesterday and asked them whether they wanted to call their other grandparents, and DS7 said yes. I gathered from his comments that FIL's birthday was earlier this month, and DS7 knew that his call was 19 days late. So DS7 called them last night while I hovered around the speakerphone. FIL did a nice job of talking with DS7, and MIL did her best. I feel like a good parent.