Hey, Bugs

Low-impact weekend. My parents are here for a couple of weeks (through Thanksgiving and DS7's birthday). Today DS7 went to Legoland with a friend, the rest of us did a little shopping and played around.

Kids go over tomorrow. We'll probably watch some football--maybe walk on the beach.

That and fight the urge to respond to ILs. So far I'm winning the fight.

Here's my latest exchange

From the SCQ:


My response:


So there are potential triggers in here, but I'm aware of them and am feeling pretty solid.

I know I could protect myself better by sending everything through the lawyers, but I am confident I can save myself a great deal of money by negotiating directly with her and then have the lawyers write it up.

So I saw No Country for Old Men yesterday, and I'm open for interpretations.

How are you SD?


Can't help. I have not seen it and did not read the book. I usually like Tommy Lee Jones movies though.

Have a great Thanksgiving SD.

Not here, yet. I like Tommy Lee Jones, too.

I saw The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford this past weekend. I didn't really care for it.

I have "American Outlaws" which is also about Jesse James (played by Colin Ferrell). Jesse James, the gang, and his wife are all pretty likeable.

This new movie, they are not. And Jesse James was a bit wacko.

I haven't even seen previews for the movie you are talking about....I think I'll look it up.

Fox

My favorite James Gang movie was the Long Riders. 3-Carradines as the Younger brothers, 2-Keachs as the James brothers, 2-Quaids as the Miller brothers and 2-Guests as the Ford boys.

The "Bloody Sam" Peckenpah slo-mo style gunfight in Northfield Minnesota at the end is terrific.

Great music by Ry Cooder too!

I've looked around a bit more, and the movie appears to be getting great reviews because it is an excellent piece of filmmaking and it is Literary. It may leave some audiences unsatisfied.

Example: Barry Corbin, the guy who played Maurice on Northern Exposure, has a small (but excellent) bit near the end of the movie. As we were walking out, I overheard two old ladies, one of whom was saying "and he was on that show...the one about Alaska."

"Northern Exposure," I filled in for them, as we slowly moved past. They were pleased. Then one of them said "Maybe he knows. Do you know what happened to the [critical plot element]?" I had to tell them "Sorry, can't help you there."

The acting performances were great--Tommie Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, and the rest.

It was my movie for the year. I find I don't miss the theater. I had trouble getting comfortable, someone's cell phone went off, I could hear the movie in the theater next door.


I'm okay. Triggery from the contact, and because the SCQ responded with


So now what? Am I just making it easier for her to divorce me this way? And do I care? One group of SDG supporters will say "Get it over with!" and another will say "Why are you talking with her and negotiating the divorce if you still want to be married?"

Oh, hey...I just realized it's the two-year anniversary of D-Day. Maybe that's symbolic. It seems a lifetime ago.

So, yeah, triggery. Mild urges to reach out and Educate her ("You realize that some day your kids will hate you for giving up on this marriage without ever trying to save it, right?") or a letter to POSOM's daughters telling them who and what their father is--the desire to make them hurt. But I won't do any of that stuff. I'm okay.

Thanks for dropping in.

I don't know about the whole house deal. XWH has a lien against the house for his half of the equity, at a 5% interest rate, payable when I remarry, cohabitate, sell, or the youngest graduates from high school.

Otherwise, the house is in my name.

The issue of tax consequences never came up...but maybe because the way we did this is just the way it's done. I got the kids, so we get the house.

In terms of movies, I'm going to see Enchanted with the boys tomorrow. How's that for a higher order cinematic experience?

Sorry about the triggers lately. It's pretty crummy. Don't you just get so tired of it? I hope that the holiday turns out to be a good time instead of a reason to be sad.

Take care, sd.

SD,

Ok, it reads like you have danced around a bit with SCQ and with the issue/question of if you are making it easier for her to D you.

Do you want to talk about it or should the Siskel & Ebert Movie Review portion of the thread continue?

I am not trying to sound harsh - just asking what you really want to talk about?? I think you know the answers to your own questions about making the D easier,,,,,,

Sorry for the triggers. This month also marks the anniversary of MY DDay as well so I can certainly understand! It SUCKS!

I'm taking the kids this weekend to see either the B Movie or Mr. Magoriums Magic Emporium (sp). Anyone seen those??

B Movie was cute. I had higher hopes for a Seinfeld movie, frankly, but he sets the bar pretty high, and it is a kids movie afterall. There can't be any master of my domain talk going on.

Something about Mr. Magorium does NOT appeal to me. I guess I'm not into those hyped up fantasy movies. I didn't see Willie Wonka, either, when Johnny Depp's version came out.

I'll report on Enchanted this afternoon....

I've got triggers coming up, too. What would have been our 13th wedding anniversary is Dec. 10. Unlucky 13. Maybe I should arrange to sign the final D papers on that day...One less trigger day to face every year.

BTW....it is what it is, right?

I don't necessarily think that you are making it easier for her to divorce you. The divorce wheels keep turning. You can't stop them. You still need to take care of yourself, for now and for the future.

And if it is financially advantageous to negotiate directly, or if you feel comfortable with that, and you feel like you know what you are doing and don't need legal advice, then do it.

I don't think it's making it easier, it may be making it cheaper, for the both of you. If you end up with the same result that you would have with lawyers negotiating at $500/hour....then what was the point? It would be a Pyhrric victory, at best.

The negotiations will go one...one way or another. You do what feels right.

IMO.

Entertainment Weekly gave the Magorium movie a terrible review (F, I think). My kids liked the B movie (they went with the SCQ).

You're perceptive, Bugs. I was reluctant to talk about the exchange and what it meant because I knew the triggering stuff was stuff I was largely bringing upon myself. I did feel better having talked about it, though. Today I feel good again.

Regarding negotiations, I was hesitant to discuss that, too, because it made me feel mercenary, or greedy, or something. But Sis, you totally nailed it for me in your second post. The potential savings for me are well into 5 figures, and it's not like I can stop the wheels.

Thanks for that, Sis. And you, too, Bugs. You guys are awesome.

Gently falling....ash??

It's supposed to snow tonight, in fact.

You need to get back to the Midwest, guy. We have beaches for walking here, too.

Okay...so here's the movie report:

Enchanted was great. I really loved it. It was so sweet...but not icky/sicky sweet...just innocent/sweet. The boys loved it, too. I'd go again. It got a 92% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Definitely a must see.

I don't even know what Enchanted is about. I'm thinking that I'm going to do most of my movie watching in my home from now on (watched the Departed last night), but kid movies are probably an exception, so I'll take a look at Enchanted.

I'll be back in Illinois for a week after Christmas--do you think that will be enough? The blood thins pretty quickly out here in this climate.

If it snows tonight, take an extra look for me, will you?

My husband and I took our daughter to see Enchanted tonight.

It was well done - although the beginning was so sickly sweet I thought my husband was going to bolt in the first 5 minutes...he had this pained, gritting his teeth look on his face....thank goodness it got more "real"!

Okay, I watched the trailer again. I'm thinking that my 4-year old daughter isn't quite ready for it. Thoughts?

I can't imagine what would frighten her, especially if she watches the other Disney movies. It's been a while for me, and my boys never watched them, but I recall the evil stepmothers in Little Mermaid, Snow White, etc. were pretty scary.

Susan Sarandon sort of spoofs them, but that would be above DD's head.

I thought this was less disturbing than some of those animated princess/evil stepmother tales.

Go to iTunes, and you can download a free "featurette." That will give you a better idea and help you make that decision.

I just realized it's PG...????

I agree with Sis, I think it's a bit less scary than some of the animated wicked stepmothers.

The only difference - perhaps - is that this wicked stepmother is 'real', and the acting is pretty good. Depends on your daughter and how sensitive she is. If she is in to princesses...she will LOVE Princess Giselle.

Thanks. I guess I was thinking more in terms of whether it would hold her attention rather than be scary. She is into princesses, though.

I'll check out the featurette.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Talk about triggers.

Yesterday I got a mild one, when the SCQ emailed me questioning the equity/tax consequences thing, including


I managed to shake that one off without sending a blistering reply, then today she calls my mom (parents are still here, and the SCQ has the kids until Tuesday). Says she called my mom because she wasn't sure I would talk to her, asks if we can keep the kids today.

Why? Because one of POSOM's best friends died from a brain aneurism yesterday and now no one can find POSOM, and she wants to go look for him because she's worried. My mom agreed, and, while I would have been happy to have the kids for the day, it was massively triggering. Ultimately, she called back (because she got in touch with him) and said she was keeping the kids.

Can you believe the nerve? Mom said she could hear the shame in her voice, but it was clearly not enough.

I found myself thinking (and saying) that it was a shame it wasn't POSOM that had the aneurism, and that I would welcome it if POSOM had done something to himself. Is that wrong?

SCQ just sent me an email thanking me for being reasonable. So many possible responses (You have no idea what reasonable is; I can't believe your callousness; or the one I really want to send: Maybe he was with OMW). I won't send anything.