So the physical therapist tells me my shoulder hurts because I am old and broken down and too tall working down low and not enough upper body strength, and it doesn't help all those times my shoulders have been trying to merge with my ears, and then she treated me by whacking me with a shovel.

Sounds like a capable therapist.

Now.. she whacked you in the SHOULDER right?

BWAAAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

Fox

hey, FOX...I went looked it up...you were right, it's the OW singing...Sorry it's a trigger...I think that I'll keep my POV, as that is the Wife singing...but I will remove it from my Sig line to be considerate tto you and others...

I had a trigger song, so I understand...and I'm not inclined to add to the hurt and pain I know...Thank you for calling it to my attention...i appreciate that...

Sd...thank you for allowing us to use your space! OLD MAN!!! BLAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Shovel!!! COOL!!!

You don't have to remove it, Rin. You are entitled to keep your POV.

Just my own gunk - now that I know you view it differently than I do - it isn't the same hurt. KWIM?

Fox

yea, i know...I hated that song what was it: Angel something...where he's sitting in the room and the OW calls and the GF is in the other room...IT drove me NUTS...the song was about what it was about...

Granted I flipped it with this one...but if it's a trigger for you then it's a trigger for someone else...I can still keep my POV and love the song without triggering my family...my GIFT to you and other...but I do hope that me flipping it helps you with the song...and for that I'm grateful! just a wife singing about her pain...the lyrics change at the end and it's hard to tell which woman is singing for me...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I think you are referring to "Lips of an Angel". DD13 LOVES that song - and requested it be used as a ringtone for her on my phone. Yuck. But it doesn't mean the same to her so I let it go.

Thanks for flipping it!

sdguy, please don't try to flip anything.....you might hurt yourself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Fox

SD,

Hang in there ol' man! I just visited my chiropractor tonight! He's much more gentle than your therapist with the shovel,,, thank God!!

Rin,,,,, Yes, I am an Angel & a Goddess - thanks for the reminder. But even Goddesses must do that self care!!

Thank goodness the fitness center I joined has a steam room! After working out & getting worked 'over' by the chiropractor, I'm going to need a way to unwind all of these muscles that I forgot I had!!

Can't wait to get some firmer ABS back,,,,, they help to show off those other Angel 'assets' better. LOL!

Ho hum. Plan B is boring. Even the stuff that can trigger me kind of rolls off now.

For example, I took the kids over to the SCQ's place on Sunday at 12:15 or so for the transfer, and she wasn't there. I got pretty angry and was in the process of making a YOUR CHILDREN WERE HERE sign to put on her garage door when she showed up. She looked chagrinned and stammered something about 'yes I was out. . . traffic' when DS8 started giving her the business about being late. A sarcastic comment about 'there always being traffic' slipped out as I walked away.

I don't think she's being late intentionally. I think she's just really insensitive about punctuality. In the heat of the moment I wanted to send an email "Your lateness in delivering the kids to me says to me that you disrespect me. Your lateness to receive the kids tells me that you have something else going on that's more important to you than them. Oh, wait, that's true, isn't it?"

The good part is that the anger had washed away by the time I got the Christmas party I drove to next. Sunday and Monday were good days. In fact, all of the days have been good lately.

Yesterday was the SCQ's birthday. I was torn about whether or not to help the kids get her a present, and the Plan B thing would have been to do nothing. I don't see that being the best thing for the kids, so I thought about it. The reason not to do it would be if it affects either her or me in an undesirable way. So, if it contributes to her cake-eating or drives her away or something, don't do it--but she's not cake-eating. She's not trying to engage me, she respects my business-like emails only policy. She's just as dark as I am, except that she likes to talk with my parents when they're here.

And for me, when I asked Jennifer about this a while back, she said it would be okay so long as it didn't foster resentment for me (like, could I do it without expecting anything back). I decided that I can.

Years and years ago we found some tea that we liked--it was an after-dinner tea. She only found it once but looked everythwere for it. I found it recently and bought some. Then I let the kids each pick out a Christmas ornament to give her. They picked ones that had a spot for pictures, so I printed out pictures of them and wrapped them up. She will know exactly where the tea came from and will understand who did the work for the presents.

I don't have anything riding on this. If she feels nothing for it, which is most likely, that's fine. If it feels like a dagger to the ribs, that's fine, too. Whatever.

My life is good.

Finally found a use for the Plan B K-Bar you were issued.


I think that sounds good. She will feel it, but the person she once was is like the water at the bottom of a deep well. You dropped in a pebble and may not even hear the tiny splash. But deep down somewhere she will feel it.



What's your timeline on the D now SD? I have forgotten.

Good question. Nothing much is happening. I told my lawyer not to push on it, and the SCQ doesn't seem to be either.

I think right now we are supposed to be working out our own agreement over the house. I think that the final dispensation of assets is all that is left. If she had been pushing, this could have been over months ago.

I've been sitting tight all this time. I'm going to give it a couple of more months, and then if there's no change, I think I will start pushing on it. Maybe sooner if she brings the OM to her parents for Christmas.

Don't let her drive the train, sdguy, we all know what kind of a driver she is. She's already derailed - don't let her make your decisions for you.

Fox

Sdguy,

Just my opinion.... I think the tea was a wonderful gift. It just shows how thoughtful you are. And maybe deep inside her foggy brain she'll see that.

(((Sdguy)))

Still

So that's a good point. Jennifer advised me to give it six months without doing anything on my own to push the divorce. I'm not sure I want to wait that long.


Thanks, Still. Like I said, it was a gift that could only have come from me, the person who knows her better than anyone else in the world. Actually, I suspect that it will tug at some string inside her somewhere, but it won't be anywhere near enough to penetrate the Fog. It's over and gone, though. I'm not giving it any thought.

So is she 41 now?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> EEEK! Now THAT'S old!

Good for you on the whole present thing. I'm glad that you can do what works for you, and the kids, without thought to what effect it will have on her. (affect? I always get confused)

I understand the feeling about triggers becoming less triggery. Are we becoming immune? Or are we just getting closer to acceptance? Or are we falling out of love?

Or does it matter?

Stuff that I used to just agonize over now causes minor irritation...like an ache instead of a stabbing pain.

You sound great, sd. I'm really glad to hear the peace in your voice.

Thanks, Sis.

I think it's acceptance, but I'm not sure. It could just be building tolerance to wayward stupidity. I think it does matter on some level, but I'm not sure how.

I think I fell out of love some time ago. Maybe long ago. When asked, my answer is that I know that I could love her again, but right now I do not. Times when I miss her are fewer and farther between all the time.

I think my pain is all for the kids now and the insanity she is forcing on them. This isn't what I wanted for my family. When you bring children into the world, you accept some responsibility (in my opinion), so I continue to do what I think is best for them. If I could think of some reason why we couldn't be happy together or some evidence that this wasn't a garden-variety romantic affair (and will thus end the way they all do), I would be out of here.

Good analogy. Dull ache instead of stabbing pain. Or maybe the annoying buzzing of an insect.

Yesterday, I received the annual Christmas present of fruit from the SCQ's grandparents. It was addressed to the SDG family. Today I got a card addressed to Mr/Mrs SDG from one of her aunts. Don't they know? Or is it a big secret? That would be the SCQ family way.

On Sunday, after six days of email silence, I got this from the SCQ:


Well, duh. This is where her parents live, so I, um, already knew that. I have no idea what information this was meant to convey, so I politely asked her to be more specific and gave her the flight numbers for my trip.

She responded that they would be leaving Friday and returning late Monday. Monday? You mean Christmas Eve Monday? On the road late Christmas Eve? WTF? Some possibilities come to mind, but it's a struggle to see how any of them could be "in the childrens' best interest." Is she that far gone?

It's out of my control. My cruise leaves tomorrow. Four days, to Cabo and back.

I'm ready.

Enjoy the cruise Guy!

Wanted to let you know that I talked to Jennifer last night.. and you're right, she's AMAZING at this stuff.

Sounds like you're taking a healthy outlook on your triggers and managing to keep your LBing to yourself. Great idea on the gift too.

Keeping you in my prayers bro.

SG,

Just thinking about you cruising your way around Cabo! Shades on, drink in hand, kicking back and relaxing!!

I am sooo jealous!!

I'll be thinking happy thoughts for all of you guys and sending them your way!

Merry Christmas, sd and kids!

I'll take my cinnamon rolls warm from the oven since you are at it...

I'm so glad you got away and sound at peace.

Looking forward to all the good advice you'll soon be distributing....

((((hugs))))

Sis