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Joined: Dec 2007
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i did it too

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I took the survey - I'm not sure what the research aims to describe but it seemed very one-sided. It didn't really apply to me since between hubby and I, I'm the one with the lower libido. So he initiates sex most of the time since I never get a chance!

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This caught my eye. Then I took the survey. Afterwards, I cursed the fact that this would even interest me - depressing to find myself found wanting for more. Oh well, I guess you can't have everything. Okay, I'm depressed now. At least we are not alone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


Gone.
Joined: Nov 2006
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I took it ~ wonder what my husband's answers would say. I'm indifferent to sex. I wish I liked it more.


The good Lord gave you a body that can withstand most anything, it's your mind you have to convince.
Vince Lombardi
Me FWS 39 yrs old now 41
Husband BS 33 years old will be 35
Two great kids 21 and 19
Marriage 12 years Now 13 years will be 14 in October
Together for 17 years
D-Day 10-23-2006
Marriage Recovering
Keep us in your prayers
Joined: Jan 2008
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I took the survey and would be interested in the results. I was the one less interested in sex until I discovered the affairs. Now I make sure we have sex at least 3 times a week. It's often more.


BS (me) 51
FWH 53
M 28 1/2 years

1st PA early 1984
DDay late march 1984

2nd EA/PA Dec 04 - Dec 07
3rd PA Aug 07 - Nov 07
D-Day Nov. 25, 2007 2:30 p.m. (for both #2 & 3)
in recovery

DD - 20 yrs
DS - 23 yrs

We don't see things as they are - we see things as WE are. - Anais Nin
Joined: Nov 2007
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Done.
Now what?


BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs

??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries

She finally quit on...

1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on

Joined: May 2007
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I did it.


Me 38 SO 39 living together since 1995
Joined: Jan 2008
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done the survey....
would like to see a compilation of results....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


M:37,H:33
M:03/07
together since 01/06
2DS: 18 & 9, DD:14

4Myself/4BetterorWorse/4-US
Joined: Dec 2006
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Me too.

It's hard to say whether I'm the less interested one. Lately I'm under so much stress I *am* less interested than I used to be. H has said he would like to have it more also, but when I offer, he usually says he is too tired too, or says we don't "have to." Maybe I should be more enthusiastic.


me - 47 tired
H - 39 cool
married 2001
DS 8a think
DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy:
(Why is DS7b now a blockhead???)
(Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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I took it.

My wife's the one with no interest in sex, as you can see in a topic I made only a few minutes ago.

Joined: Apr 2008
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I took the survey. It was pretty routine and no surprises. What is it for?

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I took it also...no sex in our marriage either.


Struggling Servant

Me = 32
DH = 33
Married 9/9/99
DD = 6 DS = 4
Joined: May 2006
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I took it. Wow, so many couples not having sex! My husband complains because he only gets it once a week. I need to bring him here, not that it would make him feel like having it less.

We've learned to "meet in the middle" so to speak. He would like to have it 2-3 times a week, I would be fine with once a month.

So, we "plan" for it at least once a week. I know planning sounds so un-romantic. But, with hubby working out of town Mon - Fri and I work a full-time job, raise our son, take care of the house(mowing, cleaning house, laundry, 3 dogs etc) while he's gone, I'm exauhsted (and so is he) by the time Saturday comes. But sex is his top emotional need....it's all he thinks about all week. It used to feel like another "chore" when he got home and that made me resentful. I've learned that I have to "get myself in the mood" by anticipating sex with him, (exotic novels have helped a little too) so that I can enjoy it and make him feel wanted. It's working for us right now.


Me - 40
Hubby - 59
Married 3/1/02
This is 3rd marriage for each of us. We WANT to make this work!
He has 3 kids - I have 3 - We have our work cut our for us.
Joined: Jun 2008
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I took the survey. It's amazing that I hear that it's the Husbands that want the sex and the wives that don't. I'm a wife that would happily make love with my husband every day.

He's suddenly become uninterested in sex and I don't know why!

depressing.


This life and this love are the stories we write
We are free to write the truth, or lies or to tear the pages
To cherish, and erase, rewrite and start over
Mate it better, make it stronger, plot twists and
the impossible happiness that comes from unexpected love and forgiveness
Make it up as we go along, to have faith in the story
And never ever, ever give up – no matter what
Or to leave the book on a park bench in the rain
and walk away, saying how sorry we were
Joined: Jul 2008
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I took the survey.

When we first got married we often found that our sex life was the cause of conflict. He felt dis-satsfied with the frequency of our sex and I felt pressurised.

We didn't take too long to figure out that this conflict was overspilling into other areas of our marriage so we decided to re-evaluate the situation.

We both sat down and discussed how we were feeling. The bottom line was that he pressurised me because he was unhappy and felt unloved and I was turned off by the pressure and displayed this by deflecting his advances.

We managed to work through it (with a few hic-cups enroute) and decided that we both needed to put in some work on this. As soon as we started to make more of an effort I felt the pressure was lifted from my shoulders and the end result was that my level of desire for him shot through the roof.

The almost immediate result was that we now have a healthy sex life that both of us are more than happy with. Our intimacy levels and confidence in our relationship increased so dramatically that it took us both by surprise. All the little things that we used to fight over no longer seem to be issues and we talk to each other a lot more. We are both so much happier in our marriage and work so much better as a team now.

Sex is a very important part of a marriage and it is one of the things that make your relationship with your spouse so different from the relationships you have with very good friends. I am so pleased we took the time and the effort to resolve this conflict.




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i took the survey. Eyeopener


JerChris
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I took the survey and it just confirmed that my H and I have same sex drive at this time in our marriage. I'm perimenopausal and always in the mood - thankfully my H is enjoying it too!

G


me - 47
H - 46
DS 16 - DD 13
H EA August 2007
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were." Cherie Carter
Joined: Aug 2008
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took it and no big surprises. been sexless around here since last February.

I noticed though this thread was started a LOONNNGGGG time ago so the survey has been up with no results sounds odd.


me -37 sahd
ww -33 executive
2 kids (5 & 1)
Joined: Nov 2008
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I took it but it doesn't really apply to my situation. My spouse would happily have sex every day--more than once a day, even. This has been an issue since the beginning of our marriage. I just can't keep up with that pace--I get stressed out about work and other life intrusions, I get tired, I have a hard time letting go of resentments and bad feelings from arguments. When we're emotionally connected, I can almost keep up with his pace. But when we're not--which is more often than not, I totally lose my sex drive and trying to explain this to him is fruitless.

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"My spouse would happily have sex every day--more than once a day, even. ......When we're emotionally connected, I can almost keep up with his pace. But when we're not--which is more often than not, I totally lose my sex drive and trying to explain this to him is fruitless. "

I know exactly how you feel. At least once a day would have been great if he would have been willing to work on the relationship and keep the conntection going. What a shame, he'll never find what he's looking for because he always kills it before it really has a chance to get going good.

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