Okay, so I just drove up to this OMW's house. I had two scenarios- either she would be home or her husband would be. Well If she was home, I was just to nicely ask her to find the respect to backoff and give my marriage a chance. I was going to be hateful or have a cat fight- just simply ask.

Well no one answered the door. So I turned and left. Well 10 min later my husband is calling me absolutely irate! I guess OMW's husband was home. He immediatly called his WS and told her I had been there. She in turn called my WH. So supposedly I am now this immature physchotic woman who if ever shows up on there door step again the cops will be called.---not like I would go back again. And I already knew where she lived b/c my WH took me there when the first started working together. I'm not a stalker. I feel that if she has the nerve to ruin my marriage she should have the nerve to be confronted by me.

So now I'm just angry. I mean what has she told her husband. How can he just sit there and let this go on. And now I may have just ruined all chances with my marriage.

Are my actions justifyable today? Or was I stupid. BC said to expose. Help!!! I'm failing

Do you have OWH's phone number. If you do I would try and call him, and go back there. They are furious that you are exposing. He may not know the reason you were there. He may have told his WW, "hey, why is so and so showing up to our house?" You need to talk to him in person. Don't let your WH intimidate you into ignoring his A. WSs are always angry when you expose. It ruins the fantasy world they live in. You know what needs to be done. It didn't backfire, it just didn't go as you planned. If nothing else, ring the doorbell and leave a letter for him to read. You can do this, just be strong. You are doing the right thing.

Good job. You are doing fine. You took the first step. It often happens that the infidels will spin the story that the BS is crazy, a stalker, etc. That just shows that there IS something going on. A normal person would open the door and talk to the person.

Now you just leave it alone for awhile. If your husband is angry, you tell him that you will do whatever it takes to save your marriage. That will be passed on to the OW, and put the fear of exposure in her.

Also, often the other BS is in denial. But it will be in the back of his mind, and now that he knows something, other things that are going on will fall into place. That may take some time.

You are not the first one to encounter something like this. The board is full of such examples. Exposure seems to upset the waywards. Can you imagine that?

Yes, I have the #, but they never answer when they see it's my ph number. Well I would leave the note, but I'm already home- 30 minutes away from her town. Plus I dont want to risk getting in trouble with the law. My WH and OMW are both in law enforcement. I dont need any charges against me.

I am just so scared. I was trying to have hope and fight for this marriage, but I think it has really pushed my WH further away.

The only problem I see here is that you didn't get to the OWH. Why not try calling him? Disguise your # with *67 so the OW won't intercept.

Keep it up until you actually speak to the OWH and get him the facts.

Trust me, I've tried blocking the number. Doesnt work. They know it's me and/or choose to not answer blocked calls.

Dial *67 so they can't see your # or call from some other #.


huh? did you expect to get roses for interfering with his affair?? The goal here is to SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE by ruining the affair, not to AVOID MAKING HIM MAD. Of course he is going to be MAD when you interfere with his affair.

Ok, are there other phones in your town?

You were not stupid. How did you think he was going to react? So her husnband saw you but did he have any idea why you were there? Does he know what is going on?
I do not remember exactly who on here posted this, bit it makes a lot of sense:

Your marriage can survive anger, but it will not survive an ongoing affair.

Stay strong. Like I told you before, it is not over until it is over.

Just keep calling (and *67) until the OWH picks up. I'm sure if you keep calling eventually curiousity or annoyance will eventually get him to pick up. My WW never answers a phone number that she doesn't know. Also, if he won't answer the door or talk to you, maybe you could find someone that he is friends with and let them know. If he doesn't answer, try the neighbor, and leave a note with them to pass on to OWH (and not to let OW see it). Exposure is key to breaking up the affair. If it wasn't your WH and OW wouldn't be so furious with you for attempting it. You need to expose to his family and friends as well. Maybe you could find OWH's parents and let them know. I'm sure they would tell their son. You can be creative, but you need to start exposing before they get their stories straight and preempting your exposure to other people.

Yes, there are other phones. I'm not stupid. i've had my sister in law call, and i went to a payphone today and called. Can I make it any more clearer- they are not answering phone numbers they dont know. I dont even know her husbands name and I dont have his cell. Otherwise I would try to leave hi m a voicemal on that, but at this point I'd probably get charges filed just for calling their #.

Leave a message, especially if OW is not home now. Also, do like I said and try and find OWH's parents or relatives. If OWH lives in a small town and has a unique last name, it shouldn't be too difficult to find. You can also use Intellius to find their name. I just used the free teaser search and it told me the names of two relatives. From there you can try and look up their home phone number, or pay the $40 to get more info.

www.intellius.com

It didn't dig your hole deeper.

It just showed you where your enemy's weakness is.

She must have FREAKED out when she saw you.

She got on the phone FAST and called your WH telling him to frighten you, hoping you WOULDN'T try to expose again.

Can you visit OWH at work?

Can you phone him at work?

~ Marsh

Do more research and get his name. There are ways to talking to the man. You won't get in trouble with the law for trying to call or contact the OWH. They are just trying to intimidate you. There has to be a lot of paperwork filed (restraining order) before anything could happen, and that would just be a slap on the wrist. If that would happen, you would probably get an opportunity to speak with OWH anyway.

oppps, I just saw the post where you said you didn't know his last name....

I don't think anyone was implying you are stupid... it just sounded that way. When you are in the middle of a crisis sometimes thinking clearly is not that easy. Calm down. Deep breath.



There can be no charges of harassment untily our receive written notification that they wish to have no contact with you... even then, if there is a valid reason to contact them, there is no harassment.

Continue with exposure... it always is a storm... but it is necessary to get this into the light of day.

Good luck.

Oh good, the White Knight is on the case.

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the website is good, but I dont have the courage to call her relatives. Not after how my WH just reacted. I know that it is normal for him to get mad, but knowing him- i just I topped it off and he's done with me.

If i were to call, what are they going to do about it. They most likely are her parents and they would then call her. I just dont know if I can risk anything else.