Hi Mort,

You know, this part made me chuckle:


You say you've read here for months. Surely you must have seen a few posts like this over that time? Threads like this ALWAYS stir us up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

NBII

I am sending YOU an email....

Pep

Conversely, MANY posters do end up sticking around because of the conflict. It is often the first step in drawing someone into an emotional relationship.

Conflict works

Good cop ... bad cop works

I'll take on either role as the situation arises if I think it will help. Does it always work? No, but I am trying.

Besides, cutting to the chase...the brass tacks...saves time...MY/OUR time. I'm attempting to save marriages to the best of my ability...not make lifelong friends on an anonymous message board. If someone wants everything nice, even just at first, go pay a Pyschiatrist or professional counselor...they'll be nice to you because YOU are their CUSTOMER (with a potentially large residual).

Pay me...I'll be much nicer to you.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - if this is Cinn Sugar then umawgfysphitre <snicker>

Not CS MrW. Totally different style IMO

Hey NB! Be careful...Pep is sending you an email!

H
You are definitely Mrs. Wondering's husband!!!

Pep, back at ya! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The thing is, Mort (I can call you Mort?)... I have written posts like this in my time. My feelings got hurt, and I hurt some feelings. But I stuck around. I was a "I" before I was a "II" and believe-you-me, I had a bazillion posts, because, well, I was lonely, and scared, and my marriage was ending, and I made a bunch of silly, stupid and life-changing choices, and I actually DID think people I met anonymously online were my real, true friends (and some actually were, by the by) but...

... ultimately, I remain here not because of any of that...

I remain here becuase, like so many other old-timers (sorry to use the verbage, but dang, it's the best way to describe those of us who came during the first wave of MB in the late 90's and early 2000)... I WANT TO HELP SAVE MARRIAGES.

If you don't like my ideas, don't impliment them. If I give too many hugs, move away. If I don't give enough, ask for one. If you want my experience, I'll tell ya, but I won't candycoat it... and mostly, if you don't want my advice, you don't have to take it, but dammit, respect that I took the time to say it... even if it hurts your feelings, even if you think it stinks on ice, even if you completely and utterly disagree with it. I'll do the same with yours.

Hi MM <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I would like a hug please. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Love you, S.

Shameless!! Always me, me, me!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ohhh hush. You're simply jelly. Get your own hug from NB.

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO confused <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />... first she sticks out her tongue and then she says she loves me...

Does she love me or is she mocking me with her emoticon?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Hugs, Jo... ((((((JO)))))) <--- (Hope I used enough ()'s to squeeze her REAL tight! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> )

I don't at all think JM = CS, lol.

He simply brought her to mind by saying:


Well, I have. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

ooohhhh

NBII said "dammit"

I'm telling

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

-W

Nope I am not the former poster you speak of. I am a regular on another board, but not this one. It is apparent my view is not welcomed by a few here, which proves my point.

You seem adamant on your firm handed tactics. If you do (and I have never read your posts so I cannot judge you) take a logical approach as to when to bash and when not to...I commend you for that.

I really did not think my post would garner so much replies. Yet it has.

All I know is I know nothing. That is the first step to true knowledge. Maybe when I learn more I will have the same approach as the FEW on this board that feel the need to lash out instead of reach out. (Damn that was some venom huh?)

Actually that is a sticking point with me....people who think they have it ALL figured out and have ALL the answers. I a'int that bright, but I know there is not one single indivudual in this world that has all the answers. The very few who are close are open to ideas and suggestions and evolve their thinking over years of time.

One thing we can agree on, is that people looking for help is good. People who find whatever path they need to to save their marriage is good. I think as a whole, this forum does that. However I think the heavy handed insulting tactics by some are not productive.

But I am not a marriage counselor and do not pretend to be. If I were, I would start my own book and website. What I do have some experience in is how to relate to people and how to resolve conflict. There is a time for bashing and a time for reaching out. There is NEVER a time to do either exclusively no matter the situation to those who may disagree with you.

JMHO

I'm done. This thread has turned into inside jokes and a pi$$ing match. I just got off work and I'm gonna go spend some quality time with my spouse. If my point has not been made...so be it.

To those who have taken what I have said and filtered it for more thought and reflection...thank you. To those who have taken what I have said and automatically discounted it...that is your choice and I respect that as a persons free will.

Happy Holidays to all and let's all tip our glasses this New Year to happy marriages and loving your spouse.

Well, Jokerman - You tried. I work have worked for many years in customer service. The old saying is that a complaint is really a gift. Most people don't complain - they just go somewhere else.

So you all realize this isn't a 'perfect board'. There shouldn't be. The vast differences in personality, cultures, tastes, ideaas, etc. lend to the variety of responses here.

Instead of getting one's pants or panties all tied up in a knot and going off in a huff, it w/b best to take the good and discard the bad. Then no matter where one goes, there is a positive benefit. Sometimes some benefits are just greater than others.

Btw, Healingbird and Lucidity posts were great. Good job!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

What is sad is to read a post asking for help, some of us spend quality time giving help or suggestions and then have no idea if it helped or not. Does that keep us from posting? Hm... it could but after being here for almost 6 years <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />, it would take more than that to make me stop.

Right now I am giving back the support that was lent to my during my time of need. I much rather lay it out clearly for the BS so they don't have to learn it as hard as I did.
I was a bit stubborn in my day but getting better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So JM, before you run off to another board, consider this....did you accomplish what you can t/d? Cuz I'm still wondering how new posters are gonna get the full benefit from your thoughts if you leave now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

L.

dayum did someone turn off the instant mind control and power brain washing rays again....

I HATE when that happens....

quick somebody tell a mod please before anyone tries to think on their own....

ARKie

You are jes not acting right, Missy!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Do you have on your underbritches unlike some other wanton gals on this forum?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

MB is the utilization of techniques and philosophies that provoke a predictable human response to a set pattern of behaviors.

It is ying and yang.

It is applying a technique to achieve a goal and find balance where there is none.

It is embracing a set of choreographed steps that have a proven successful historically because you have obviously not achieved those ends on your own or you wouldn’t be here.

In the broader view it is excellent at destroying adulterous relationships and speeding up the likely demise of the wayward’s extramarital fling.

Under the microscope it needs to have some tweaking to be successful for long term day to day success for the rest of your life.

If the program doesn’t suit you, or you find it unpalatable, then you find help somewhere else. The success of other couples marriages and that of my own is my personal goal.

If a person comes here to glean helpful supportive information from this support group without their own professional counseling that is there prerogative of course, but as support group members we have an obligation to call them out on their behaviors that do not fit with the overall strategies of MB’ing.

To expect less is to not expect success.

And yes, there is no room for harassment but there is plenty of room for the prodding of a resistive character to help them wake up from a bad dream and take control of their own life.

Going back under the rock.