I'm out of town and stuck on dial up

You should search and read MWIL (MywifeIlove's) long thread. He went into Plan B, got control of himself, counseled with Steve Harlay and went back into Plan A. It took a couple months but was successful in the end. Steve gave him some advice about going back into Plan A.

His story may be a good resource for you.

Perhaps someone can search and link Paranoid to the applicable area of MWIL's thread.

Mr. Wondering

"


OK guys should I text her something like this? I am listening to the pros instead of reacting emotionally. Good start don't you think

Yes, it's a great start, PHB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think M2L's advice was very good.

But, please don't do anything tonight.

Give other's a chance to chime in.

And besides, you need practice being still. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Patience isn't called a virtue for nothing.

Mr. W's suggestion was a good one...I'm off to find you MYWIFEILOVE's threads....

~ Marsh

I found them...


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

They are all VERY good.

But, if you don't have alot of time for reading, I suggest reading the last one.

They show the ups and downs he went through and the last one shows how he won his wife back (by doing a stellar Plan A.)

~ Marsh

I think you need to think about Monday night when you drop your daughter off at her house.

Show up looking and smelling GREAT.

Smile!

Maybe you could offer to take your family out to eat or see a movie. Charlotte's Web is playing...

If she says no thanks.

You Smile and say, "K, see you later!"

And you go out and have fun. Rocky Balboa was TERRIFIC!

Could inspire you not to give up on YOUR dreams!!!

~ Marsh

OK I will try it. I already know the answer she will give me but I will smile and go on.

My D came home telling me how her M was trying to convince her to like this guy. My D is very intelligent BTW. My WW was telling her he was nice and trying to make her say that by tickling her. My D said you can tickle me all night but he will still be a homewrecker. Then my WW said to her "it says to obey your parents" then my D said it also says that what God joined together, let no man separate. My WW then said well if you cant get along get another one. My D said MOM it does not say that its says not to separate and be joined as 1 flesh. I got a good laugh at listening to her tell me these things. My WW probably is blaming me for teaching her those things but that was 4 months ago when I was totally ticked about this. I will stew on what to text her tomorrow and then check here b4 i do. thanks for all the help and encouragement. Keep praying. I know I will

Wait a minute!!!!! Are you allowing your' WW to have your's D's around this guy???

Maybe I'm missing something but this just doesn't sound right to me!

IMO You need to do something to protect them. Make some kind of boundaries for this. Get an agreement for their safety and appropriate environment. If not then get legal help to stop this, restraining order or something. For sure they should not be subjected to having to be around someone who is helping destroy their family FGS!!!!!!

No I am not allowing it. I have asked WW not to do it. She thinks its ok since my D and OM's D are cousins. She usually does it then I find out about it. I have an appointment Thursday when I will find out if there is anything legally I can do to stop it. I was told as long as he isn't harming D there was nothing I could do. But I am finding out for sure on Thursday.

Still your' D should not be subjected that kind of emotional stress!!!

Maybe you need to work up some kind of legal separation agreement just for your' D's sake with your' lawyer that will prevent this as the main point in the agreement. Or you can put that in a legal separation agreement as one of many points that you need and if she signs she must abide by it then or you take her to court to enforce it.

I know you are trying to get your WW to recommit to the M but this is psychologicly unhealthy for your D.

No, you do NOT give her any information about what YOU are doing. Her "affair filter" will filter out all that you might hope her to hear and will reinterpret it is "you and a bunch of people who don't know how wonderful my affair is are just trying to manipulate me."

You must remember that "perception" is in the eye of the recipient. Plan A has virtually nothing in it about "getting the adulterer to change." Plan A is all about changes in YOU, the only one who CAN decide to change and make theirself a better, more desireable, person no matter one. A "by-product" of those changes is that the WS gets to see those changes as the "new you" and not keep using "past flaws" to justify the affair. It also gives her a contrast to the OM when the fantasy begins to crumble, as it WILL eventually and she has to see the "whole OM," all the warts and bad breath and that HE is a cheater who can't be trusted.




HB- "Out of the mouths of babes."

YOU keep teaching your daughter the Bible and what GOD, not any sin-natured person has to say. Show her that we are all sinners and that we all need God's forgiveness when we turn away from sin and repent.


Now a couple of practical points. I don't know what State you live in, but in my State, North Carolina, there are still TEETH in an Alienation of Affection lawsuit against the OM. Check with your attorney on this, and even if there isn't much teeth in it where you live, consider filing the suit anyway as another way to bring the affair into the open (lawsuits are public record) and to add another way to destablize the affair.

I would also be very interested in knowing more about this "former" brother-in-law" if you feel up to telling us more about him, who he was married to, why they divorced, etc. etc..

P.S. On a side note that only affects me, it's getting a little harder to follow you on 3 different forums and keep a coherent, sequential, conversation going. I understand your "sponge-like" need for support and information, since we've all gone through that, but there is also a "war" going on in you, a "spiritual war," and you need to be very careful to "filter" all advice that you might want to implement through the "lens" of God's Word, to be sure that it is "of God," or "of Man." There is nothing wrong with all advice, it is just that YOU will have to decide what is to be used and what is to be set aside. Let God assist you in that, since emotions can often lead us astray.

God bless.

This is one purpose I am meeting with my lawyer on Thurs. as well as having to answer the papers I was given.

Woke up this morning and read my Prov for the day and guess what it was about. Today is the 31st so I read the 31st chapter as I read a chapter a day. Go take a look at it. WOW
He keeps me refreshed and anew daily. Well got to get ready for church. I look forward to hearing for my new friends today.

This text was about the plan B letter that was sent and needs to be retraced somehow without sounding too needy. I think the top of this post would do that.

Also you are putting a lot in Gods hands. Yes God was very key for me too, but I had to do a lot of the HARD work for 7 months. It means sucking it up and manning up when needed. This is war and you need to fight for your family.

The harder you make this A for the OM, the more he will want to pull up stakes and look for someone else.

M2L

Love those verses. We used to have a bunch of Proverbs 31 women here.

I Live in NC. My lawyer tells me no to hurry up on that because I have 3 years to file but i am like you if I file it, it may be a good way to end the A or at least make it hard on them.

He was married to my sister and has one D with her. He told me and my wife alot of stuff about her that we believed because we already knew some of it. He then married another W and has 2 kids by her. My WW still believes everything he says but some of the truth is surfacing now. He cheated on my S and contracted an STD and gave it to my S. Then she cheated on him and then tehy divorced. Now he has left this wife and we have found out that he cheated on her while she was pregnant with their 2nd child. Now he is at it again and soon will do it again. It runs in his family. His father Div'd twice and has lived with 3 other women and his mom has div'd 5 times and on her 6th marriage.


I am staying this thread since it is so visible and people are helping me with everything including myself.

That is why I am here instead of reacting now. I am manning up as you say and ready to go to war for my family. I just need guidance.

How can I make it hard for him. Other AOA lawsuit, are there anything else. It is clear his W does not want him back.

OK here is what I am thinking of texting her.

I know the letter I gave you said I want No Contact with you back I was acting to quickly. The other night when you was broken, showed me that you still care for me and wanting to do the right thing. So I am not ready to give up on that. In fact, I would like to have more of that. I will fight(spiritually) 4 U.

OK lets hear what you think and make some suggestions and/or changes.

I am taking my D to the movies so I will check back later today. I am in no hurry to send this.

You would think him having a STD would be a "Affair Killer" unless its one that can be treated/cured.

Boy, is this hitting close to home...My EX WW is still in her affair with a serial cheating old man (23 yrs her senior) and he has HERPES but didn't seem to stop her.

I let him have her, kept our son and she will live to regret her decision but that's tough.

By the way I live in MS and am filing AOA suit next week against OM (serial cheating, 15 affairs under deposition, Doctor). I may not can give him the justice he deserves without hurting my sitch with my son but I will make his already miserable life more miserable of that I promise.

I encourage you to file AOA against this loser.

It was curable I think. But He told my WW that he never had it. So WHEN she come back she will be tested.